what can i do now? is it cheating?

my wife found out that i had filled out a couple profiles on adult friend finder (sex) type websites. one i did 3 months ago and the other 8. both were on a lark. kind of a frustrated rant about not feeling attractive to my wife.

i never joined the site or communicated with anyone on it but i did fill out the profile. i was frustrated with the lack of sex that had been going on for a year.

i never had any intent of carrying it any further.

but she has kicked me out of the house and said there is no going back.

she is devastated and calls me every two minutes crying and telling me we won't get back together and i ruined her life.

i am shredded by all of this.

she has agreed to go see a counselor on monday with me.

any advice on all this?

hmm, you defintely shouldnt have filled out a profile, and i could understand her getting angry with you for that. i do think that if thats the biggest problem in your marriage, then the marriage can be saved.

if you do wnat to get back together with her, counseling is great and i think itll help out. you need to let her know that you werent going to act on the site, even though that would be hard to believe. if i was your wife i would probably do the same thing. however, its not a lost cause. you need to learn how to convince her that youve changed. and actions speak louder than wrods. so you need to SHOW her.

i was frustrated with the lack of sex that had been going on for a year.

this is obvoiusly a problem in teh marriage. you two need to address this probelm and figure out a way to fix it so that it is no longer a problem.

she is devastated and calls me every two minutes crying and telling me we won't get back together and i ruined her life.

she has major insecurities, which is expected. but, from her calling you she obvoiusly does still have feelings for you watn wnats to get back together. and the fact that shes willing to go to counseling with you is a good sign. you need to of course take your profile off the sites. never go to one of them again, show her how little it meant to you adn how stupid it was. you need to SHOW her youve changed. good luck.

she has agreed to go see a counselor on monday with me.

any advice on all this?

Be honest. Don't say it was "on a lark". Work out why you did it and own up to it and agree to work on it.

I saw an article over the weekend that said internet affairs have now overtaken physical affairs as a reason for the break up of a marriage/relationship. Don't kid yourself about how big a betrayal it will seem to her.

she is devastated and calls me every two minutes crying and telling me we won't get back together and i ruined her life.

i am shredded by all of this.

she has agreed to go see a counselor on monday with me.

You have obviously really wounded her. She calls you every two minutes to remind you because it's probably all she can think about. She probably trusted, respected, and depended on you. To find out something like this probably broke her heart, and she can't help but let you know about it.

Her agreeing to see a counselor with you IS actually demonstrating a willingness to listen to what you have to say. If she was shutting you out completely and never had ANY intention of taking you back, she would probably not call you and say "NO" when you asked her to attend a therapy session.

When you do go to therapy, please try to understand why you did this. Don't make your mistakes about her, because there's a good chance that she already feels that way.