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Thread: Hot and Cold

  1. #1
    Jason333
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    Hot and Cold

    I recently started seeing this girl (whom I've known for several months) and she seems so cold from time to time. She's a very independent girl and very career-oriented.

    Sometimes I feel she's too independent and doesn't need me. I've been thinking about her the whole weekend and I've lost some sleep thinking about her. I think I have way too much feeling for her. She told me she likes me too but I know she doesn't like me as much as I do. She also has a problem with commitment. It's ironic that I want her to be more dependent on me. I really like her and want her to spend more time with me.

    I'm afraid this may be a problem. She doesn't seem to need as much time with me. I'm afraid things won't work out this way. Also, she seems to be cold at times. I've had a relationship in the past with a girl like that. One of my ex's was very moody and it was very difficult for me and I loved her, too. I know there's no way for me to change the moodiness of a girl, but I want to know at least she has me in her heart.

    Is it possible to have a relationship with a girl who's so independent? Granted, we work in the same place, but we only hang out about twice a week and this is the beginning stage. We hardly even talk on the phone. Don't most couples like talking on the phone? I'm not a big fan of the phone, but I'm stumbled on the fact that she hardly calls me.

    This has been bothering me, because I always want to see or hear her but she seems so busy. And I miss her so much everyday. I wonder if it is just me. Should I relax and let things flow? How do I relax? I'm nervous in the beginning stage of a relationship because I want to build a strong foundation. I'm 25 years old and I've been through several relationships, but losing someone I like is always hard for me.

    Please advice.

    -Jason

  2. #2
    Ians Mommy
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    I'm the EXACT same way. Ever since I was really young, I haven't depended on my parents to raise me, I've basically raised myself.

    Relationship wise, I'm sort of the same way. My family raised me so that when it comes to relationships, I let the guy call me and not call him unless he asks me to. When I'm in a relationship, I don't want to go to school or work and just spend the time with that person but I know I have to go to school and work no matter what.

    My last boyfriend had to sit me down and tell me half of the stuff you said in your post for me to realize that I had seen him like 5 times since we started going out and he wanted me to call sometimes, not just him. After that, our relationship was a lot better.

    But with the phone thing, I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE. lol I just hate talking to anyone on the phone. Thank God for text lol.

    Just talk to her.. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

  3. #3
    Momene
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    The independence/clinginess balance in a relationship is one of those things that can make or break it. It's one of my big issues at the moment. For 15 years of marriage my wife wanted us to be joined at the hip but for the last 2 I've felt more like the invisible man.

    Many would say that seeing each other twice a week while dating isn't bad but others would say it's nowhere near enough.

    I doubt if you'll really get what you need from this girl. I hate to admit this but when I was in your situation, I had enough free time to go out and meet someone else who DID have more time for me.

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    Jason333
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    She's 22 years old and she's had past relationships, so I do expect her to be able to communicate better with people.

    In my past relationships, my ex-gf's called me most of the time, and I like that, provided it's not too frequent. I told the girl I'm seeing that I'd like to hear from her more often.

    I found my way into her schedule and talked to her tonight. She took out her calendar and tried to fit me into her schedule. She's going away this weekend but she said we'll do something next weekend, and something this week.

    I guess it's a start.
    Last edited by Jason333; 04-10-2006 at 12:56 AM.

  5. #5
    Ians Mommy
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    That's kind of messed up that she has to "fit you into her schedule".

  6. #6
    Momene
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    Quote Originally Posted by silentscream4hlp
    That's kind of messed up that she has to "fit you into her schedule".
    Agree, it could be that she's just not that into you. Also, if she was she's build her schedule around you and not the other way round. maybe she's got issues about letting independence go in past relationships.

    Any way, I'm sorry, it doesn't look good.

  7. #7
    Jason333
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    I've talked to her since my last post. I think things are a bit better now. We saw each other every day for this week. She says it takes a while for her to settle in. We've seen each other for about a month (or less). Am I expecting a lot for her to call me everyday?

  8. #8
    Momene
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jason333
    I've talked to her since my last post. I think things are a bit better now. We saw each other every day for this week. She says it takes a while for her to settle in. We've seen each other for about a month (or less). Am I expecting a lot for her to call me everyday?
    I would expect to talk daily while dating but it doesn't have to be a long chat.

  9. #9
    someone_else
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    If you don't feel as if she's ever going to care for you the way you care for her, GET OUT NOW!! Coming from my own personal experience, you will only end up like a puppy following her around waiting for the tiniest bit of affection... Not only will it hurt your feelings, but it will damage your self esteem even more (wondering what's wrong with you, why did she do this or that)..that kind of thing. They say the beginning is supposed to be the euphoria, right? If this is your beginnig, do you really want to stick around and see the middle, and inevitably, the end?

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    Jason333
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    I do feel she's capable of giving more care. And I do have faith in the relationship, that's why I think this is just a rough wave. At times she can be pretty nice to me, but recently she's just been in a bad mood when she's with me. Should I stop hanging out with her for a period of time, or should I ride the bad mood even though it hurts me. My thinking is that I want to be there for her.

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