BF's Internet History

I know this topic has come up alot but I need some advice on how on my situation. I moved to the united states from Canada for the summer to be with my boyfriend. It was a big thing for me leaving my family and friends to come here and just be with him. I have been getting bored around here and I was looking at his internet history since when I have been here. I found porn sites, logins to chat rooms, and alot of stuff about "myspace." Im not to sure what the whole my space thing is cause its not to popular in Canada. Is that where you meet people? Anyways about the porn i really didn't have a problem with him looking at it when were not together cause we have a long distance relationship and dont see eachother that often but im really upset about him looking at it now that im hear!!! We have sex at least twice a day and i dont think he should be looking at it. I cant talk to him about this cause i dont want him to know i have been snooping. What should I do? If anything?

MySpace is usually populated by teenagers and people in their late teens early twenties. I have been on MySpace once or twice to check it out and it seems as though some people use it as a de-facto dating site or else as kids/teenagers use it as a way to talk to their friends, make new friends, keep in touch with people, etc.

As for porn, some people don't like it if their guys look at it, other people dont care. If you are bothered by it, let your bf know and talk it out. It is always good to talk out things and not keep things bottled inside. Good communication promotes good relationships.

well, boys will be boys, as long as the "porn" he's been looking at is not "too unusual or perverted" by your standards. Do NOT take this personally, this is NOT about YOU, it's just what HE does.

Having sex however many times a day/week, is not a "fix" for anything, if he's gotten into a habit of looking at porn, well that's HIS pattern, now you have to decide for YOURSELF if your okay with this?

No need to discuss it with him, or reveal that you are snooping... this is a question only YOU can answer for yourself.

Are you okay that he looks at porn? If yes, then forget about it, and keep learning more about how YOU feel about YOURSELF when you are with HIM, if you are feeling good about you, then your in the right place, if not, you might need to do some soul searching questions as to why you are not happy.

As far as "myspace", well how old is this guy? My space seems like a weird thing for a grown man to be on, it's a sharing stories, picture, life, kinda website, but it also has some weirdo's on it. (like all sites) but it seems to be more for teenagers who are curious or for people who just like to share stories... but who knows why he's on there, can you say you saw a story about myspace on TV and you were wondering if it would be fun to join it? See what he says, or is this too risky, will he know you snooped?

Maybe someone else on here has a better description of it, I really don't know except what I hear on the news about it.

That's why I ask his age. I thought it was for young people. Take this slow and really observe him and take this time while you are here with him to find out for yourself if you even want to think about this relationship "long term". This is an important time to really get to know him more.

I know you love him, but be careful not to confuse what you "want him to be" with who you might find out he "acutally is". Just take it slow, keep your eyes and ears open, guard your heart, be respectful of YOURSELF, and remember you can always go home...

you are learning and growing during this relationshp, and you'll know, your gut will tell you whether this is feeling "right" or not...

keep in touch with your family and talk to someone at home whom you trust, and just see how it goes... You have to remember this might not be "THEE" guy in the long run, but for now, let him "reveal" himself to you.. you'll know in your belly if he's the one... you'll just know.

Make sure you separate your feelings from facts, and be honest with yourself... I wouldn't mention the porn to him, you just have to know if YOU are okay with him doing these things, it's about YOUR values/standards not his...

you can not lecture, or preach, or tell a man how he should behave, this is his choice, and you can only decide if you are OKAY AND RESPECT his choices enough to share your heart, soul, body, and energy with him.

Having your own standards/values, makes making choices about relationship so much more clear and easier, because it's about what is "okay" and "comfortable" for YOU. It's never about what you tell them to do, it's about what they choose to be doing.. this tells you about THEM, what he's doing is about HIM, not YOU.. (none of us women can be compared to or compete with, a photo or porn on the internet, it's just fantasy, it's not real, so we have no comparison, it's if a guy takes it as "important" that is scary, but it's not about you not being "enough" that has nothing to do with it) so do NOT take it personally...

I hope you find some peace of mind, take it slow, easy does it, let go and let god, and all will be revealed, and then you can make a choice for YOURSELF about what is best for YOU in the long run... good luck, we are all here for you.

Some people who are in relationships but don't have many friends join myspace and Faceparty to chat. Most people are young and like to "get drunk and have a good time with m8z", etc but theres some youngsters who are able to have an adult conversation and other older people as well.

I once got called a "paedo" for exchanging comments about football, even though I didn't mention anything about sex or meeting.

Actually, I have a MySpace page, and I'm 37, LOL. And many of my friends have pages on there, too, especially bands (almost every band has a MySpace page these days). You can't add comments or send messages or view pics, etc., if you don't have an account.

There's also a section where you can put your relationship status. I have "in a relationship" checked off, and I have also checked off on the section where you talk about who you want to meet on MySpace with "Friends and Networking only." So, that eliminates people from contacting you who are looking for dates, relationships, etc.

I like MySpace because I'm very involved in the local music scene, and it's a great way to communicate with people about upcoming shows. Plus, I enjoy writing in my blog, which comes with each account, and putting up new pictures for my friends to look at. I really don't see the difference between having a MySpace account and a personal website, other than you don't have to understand HTML or anything to post fresh content.

But the Internet porn issue...watch out for that. It's highly addictive, for one thing. Personally, I wouldn't be cool with my boyfriend viewing porn on a regular basis - at all. As it happens, he doesn't, nor does he have the interest to.

Thanks for everyones replys. Im 19 hes 23. I went on the myspace website and found his profile. It says he is single on there. And the only people he has as "friends" on there are all girls! Is this a bad sign? I did something that i think is bad but i need your guys opinion. I signed up for myspace as a different person, location, and picture and sent him a request to add me. This was yesterday. Sometime between then he has accepted my invatation not knowing its me. I sent him a email today through the site asking if he has a gf and interested in meeting someone from online. So now im going to wiat and see what he says. I feel bad about doing this but if hes on these sites i think he deserves this. What do you all thing?

3 Different girls that I went to highschool with, one I hadnt even heard from since she moved away 10 years ago were found on myspace. They contacted me because they were searching alumni of our highschool. For that it is pretty cool.

Thanks for everyones replys. Im 19 hes 23. I went on the myspace website and found his profile. It says he is single on there. And the only people he has as "friends" on there are all girls! Is this a bad sign?

Uh, yeah!! For me, that would be proof enough he either will cheat, or already does. Because it sounds like he's regularly visiting MySpace, so he could - and should - have easily updated his account to "in a relationship."

Although I don't always advocate baitiing/snooping to find out if someone would cheat, in this case, it sounds like a good idea. I hope you'll dump the guy if it turns out he is willing to meet in person girls that contact him online.

Since you don't like your bf looking at porn, it would be a good idea to talk to him about it. I think most people go snooping once in a while through their significant other's things occasionally (from reading threads on this site). However, he may be addicted to porn and might just be more careful about deleting internet history next time.

Thanks for everyones replys. Im 19 hes 23. I went on the myspace website and found his profile. It says he is single on there. And the only people he has as "friends" on there are all girls! Is this a bad sign? I did something that i think is bad but i need your guys opinion. I signed up for myspace as a different person, location, and picture and sent him a request to add me. This was yesterday. Sometime between then he has accepted my invatation not knowing its me. I sent him a email today through the site asking if he has a gf and interested in meeting someone from online. So now im going to wiat and see what he says. I feel bad about doing this but if hes on these sites i think he deserves this. What do you all thing?

I think it IS a good idea to test him in this way.

boy.. you are playing with fire......

I hope you find your answers though....

Well, I really don't like the idea of "testing him"...because it is based on false pretences, and you basically already have expectations in your mind of what he will do, clouding the judgement a bit. I don't know. I have friends whom HAVE done it, and while one of them found proof he was cheating, most just ended up with honest boyfriends whom became very upset when they felt lied too and deceived.

That being said, what will you do if you find out for example he does not admit to having a girlfriend? How will you bring THAT up with him if you are hesitant to even bring up the fact you found out he goes to myspace at all? Things you are going to have to prepare yourself for. If you find out, you can't just brush it off either, you know?

As for the porn, well, some people have an issue with it, others don't. I personally am fine with it, for both me and my partner, and I live with my partner. It can be fun and entertainment...but others DO have a problem with it and you really should discuss your boundaries together. Same goes for what is considered cheating, etc.

Good for you for looking into myspace and other areas of the internet. My BF seemed to be addicted to the internet but assured me that all was on the up and up so one day I created a false logon and decided to watch some of his activity and while watching one of his online conversations he stated that the reason why he wasn't fighting for his divorce was because he thought that he still "LOVED" his soon to be ex wife. In doing more searching I found out that he was addicted to porn and viewed it on a regular basis (at least 3+ times a week). Needless to say we are still together, I guess I am stubborn and will fight for what I want until the bitter end. It has caused a lot of trust issues between us but I trusted my gut and my instincts and found out that I was right. I did not feel wrong in what I did because it was a public chat room and I had every right to be there. Good luck.

I'd have to ask that, unless you have other reasons for staying together, like dependent relatives, why are you still with him? By staying with him, you're condoning his behaviour.