Buying a house together

My BF and I have been in our townhouse for almost 3 months now...it was brand new when we moved in - they are even still working on finishing the landscaping. Thing is, these townhomes are actually considered apartments because you rent them...although they really are townhomes. We found out the other week from the management that they are turning the apartments into condos...meaning they will honor each lease agreement and then at the end you either have to buy your place or move out.

Well my BF and I had planned to live in this place for probably 2 years, during which time we could pay off some debts and then we'd be able to afford to buy a house. In my head as well I figured this would give us time to possibly plan marriage stuff. I haven't told him directly but I've always innately felt I want to be married before actually buying a house.

So I guess tomorrow we are going to speak with the sales office because we've been emailing them and apparently they have already sold 100 untis in this place and we're afraid they've already "sold" off our place to some investor - we sort of don't want that to happen so my BF suggested that if we can buy the place NOW we should...the management is willing to cancel any lease agreements if we buy the place.

This has opened up so many issues for me. Do you all think it's wrong of me to expect marriage before making such a big committment as buying a house? I will definitely be discussing this with him after we get back from the management place and after we know all the details...I want to tell him I don't wanna be buying a house with him if he doesn't have any intentions of marrying me...is that too forward?

This has opened up so many issues for me. Do you all think it's wrong of me to expect marriage before making such a big committment as buying a house? I will definitely be discussing this with him after we get back from the management place and after we know all the details...I want to tell him I don't wanna be buying a house with him if he doesn't have any intentions of marrying me...is that too forward?

No! not wrong at all! I just bought a condo (by myself). But, I can't imagine making such a huge purchase with such huge ramifications if the relationship wasn't for sure going to become permanent. I know some people that bought houses with their boyfriends or girlfriends, then they break up, and then they have a HUGE problem to sort out!

I think that it is fair to ask if he plans on having you in his life long-term. If not, then don't buy the condo together, and yeah... you may want to break up also.

Do you think he is open to marriage with you?

Gosh...buying a house is a pretty big commitment. I'd sure want to know the person I was buying it with was committed to me, before I took such a leap. I think if your boyfriend is ready to start talking about buying a house together, then you certainly have the right to ask him if he's ready for the whole kit and kaboodle - as in, marriage!

Yeah...I'm like 95% sure he's up for marriage...we've had talks where it's been implied...we've talked about future kids names, how we'd raise the kids and we basically talk about all kinds of future plans. Part of me thinks he thinks it's just implied knowledge...but being the way I am I need some reassurance of course. I don't really dread discussing this matter...I definitely want to discuss it now before it's too late.

Here is my slant on it:

If you two have talked, discussed and seriously planned for marriage and a future together, than I think you can consider buying a house together, but be aware if you do break up, it is not easy to just part ways either, and you need to have some kind of agreement about it. This also applies if neither of you wanted marriage, but wanted a lifetime commitment.

If you cannot even talk about marriage, or do not have a plan for it, then do not buy the house.

My boyfriend and I are moving into a house we bought next month, but are reasons for doing that first, before marriage are not because we don't want it, but because we practically can't at this time. I am returning to school next year and need student loans, which they would not give me if I was married at this point. However, we definitely do plan to be together a very, very, very long time! And it was important to use to have a home to invest in, and for our lifestyle.

Here is my other concern though - are you going to have the money for this now, considering you said you could not afford to buy now?

How long is your lease for? Is it an option to move when lease is up to another rental rather than buy home together?

If you cannot even talk about marriage, or do not have a plan for it, then do not buy the house.

 

My boyfriend and I are moving into a house we bought next month, but are reasons for doing that first, before marriage are not because we don't want it, but because we practically can't at this time.

RayKay, just out of female curiosity - because we love the topic of the big M - have you and your boyfriend had talks about marriage yet?

RayKay, just out of female curiosity - because we love the topic of the big M - have you and your boyfriend had talks about marriage yet?

Women women women

Kidding!

We've talked of it...but no, there is no plan in place right now...lol. He knows I am not opposed to a long engagement though and I am quite alright with a Canadian or man-made and modest diamond.

When we were visiting my mum in hospital after her surgery she was introducing him to the nurses as her future son-in-law..and he did NOT pass out....LOL.

It's not that we can't afford to buy the house now persay...the place is only $150,000 which we'd be able to afford - in fact if we did indeed buy, our mortgage payment might possibly be lower than what we're paying now. We just don't have any downpayment money at this point...but I have a feeling he'd ask his parents for help if it came down to it.

The lease is a 12 month lease...which we signed April 1...so we have till April 1 of next year. I'm *hoping* the sales office doesn't sell the places until they are actually available and empty. If they do pre-sell though before the tenants move out then we'll be in crunch time. If we can wait to buy I'd rather do that for obvious reasons. Then again, he's the kind that HATES paying rent money - it's a waste in his mind...so I dunno what we'll end up doing.

I meant to ask...how long have you been together?

I am not sure they are allowed to formally sell them until they change the status of them to condos, but I am not sure of the laws there either.

I think too, while mortgage payments may be lower, take into account you are probably going to have to pay condo fees, property taxes, utilities, etc depending of course again on the terms of the property.

Sure rent is "throwing away the money" but not really - you have a place to live, no real upkeep like sinking money into it and when you want to move...you just move! However if you really LOVE the townhouse, then go for it. I love my current apartment, but if they turned it into condos (which I have heard they may at some point) I would not have bought it even so...lol.

yes, I was surprised moving into my condo how high my gas and electric bill is! In my last apartment, it was $20 a month. Now it is $75 a month!!! And condo fees, property taxes, hiring the lawyer for the paper work, closing fees, etc....

yes, I was surprised moving into my condo how high my gas and electric bill is! In my last apartment, it was $20 a month. Now it is $75 a month!!! And condo fees, property taxes, hiring the lawyer for the paper work, closing fees, etc....

 

Yeah, lots of people forget about the closing fees and lawyer fees! Which reminds me, we still have to get the lawyer part done.

 

Since J works in geothermal, he is a stickler for what energy costs....unfortunately we could not go geothermal route this time...that will be the future "dream house" we build!

You guys are right about all those fees...including the HOA fees and such...we'll definitely work out all the numbers for sure.

My relationship with my BF is kinda weird...we've known eachother for 5 years...have been officially together for almost a year and have lived together for almost 4 months...this is something else I'm worrying over...if we're going too fast...I don't know...I think once I sit him down and talk it all out I will know what I will want to do.

Oh yeah...as of right now we pay all utilities as it is...the only thing extra we'd be paying each month is the HOA fees