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How can I tell if a gay guy is flirting with me?


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Normally I have no problem with this, as most gay people can tell that I'm straight. I like to think that I exude a masculine presense. However, I think I'm being hit on by a gay guy in one of my college classes. The class is small, about 13 students, so we all know and interact with each other in the classroom. I can tell that this guy is gay, from a mile away, and he doesn't try to hide it either. I don't get though why he always waits for me after the class is over, and wants to talk to me. The way he talks to me reminds me of the way girls talk to me when they are flirting. He gets this weird look in his eyes like he's in awe of me or something. He even invited me to eat lunch with him today, but I told him I was busy. Keep in mind, I'm the only person from the class that he does this with. So, I want to know if he's flirting with me, or if I'm just imagining things. Is there something that gay men do when they like a guy. I know that women show some physical signs such as running their fingers through their hair, etc. Are there signs for gay men?

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So, I want to know if he's flirting with me, or if I'm just imagining things. Is there something that gay men do when they like a guy. I know that women show some physical signs such as running their fingers through their hair, etc. Are there signs for gay men?

 

Maybe he is flirting with you and maybe he isn't. However, I would trust your instincts. I am straight myself and have been 'hit on' by women 2-3 times in my life. It was a different feeling for me definitely, but It was still flattering...in that different kind of way. I just told them I was straight.

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Maybe he is flirting with you and maybe he isn't. However, I would trust your instincts. I am straight myself and have been 'hit on' by women 2-3 times in my life. It was a different feeling for me definitely, but It was still flattering...in that different kind of way. I just told them I was straight.

 

I've interacted with gay guys before, but I never got the kind of vibe I get off of this guy. Most gay guys can tell I'm straight. I've even said I'm straight in our class to him. Maybe he thinks he can turn me gay. Or maybe he just wants to be friends. From my experience, gay men usually have female friends. If he is hitting on me, I'm gonna need to put a stop to it though.

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I don't think he wants to turn you gay--in fact that is one of the worst stereotypes I've heard about gays and easily leads to homophobia.

 

It's like a guy who continually flirts with a girl who isn't interested. Not everyone is mature enough to see when it's inappropriate to flirt.

 

Definitely (respectfully of course) ask him to stop flirting with you since it's obvious that it bothers you.

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Not all gay men have female friends. The majority of my closest friends are guys. It's just the fact that I'm not attracted to any of them. I refuse to see them as anything other than friends(furthermore, none of them know I'm gay either).

 

I think he might have a crush on you. But if he can't respect your personal space then don't hang around him.

 

Just tell him you are straight, and that the two of you can totally be friends on a platonic level. A crush will usually ebb and flow. It won't last especially if he knows there isn't a chance. However, If he can't respect that then just call the friendship off. I would not want to be friends with someone that I wasn't attracted to. And if he or she kept pursuing the idea of hooking up that would disturb me. That is just sorta rude and creepy(like a stalker).

 

I don't believe he's trying to "convert" you or anything. Most guys just get a vibe from other guys...His gaydar maybe a bit off.

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If he knows you are straight and you know he's heard you say that he's straight, then maybe he just wants to be friends with you. Maybe you exude a friendly, masculine presense and he just wants to be friends. Maybe you are easy to talk to and he feels that you are not judging him for being gay.

 

Unless he asks you out or is commenting on the way that you look like, "You look good," and checks you out up and down, then I would just assume he wants to be friends.

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If he knows you are straight and you know he's heard you say that he's straight, then maybe he just wants to be friends with you. Maybe you exude a friendly, masculine presense and he just wants to be friends. Maybe you are easy to talk to and he feels that you are not judging him for being gay.

 

Unless he asks you out or is commenting on the way that you look like, "You look good," and checks you out up and down, then I would just assume he wants to be friends.

 

Yea, he hasn't done anything like that. He only acts extra friendly towards me. The only problem is that it bothers me because I always have in the back of my mind the thought that he might be attracted to me. I just don't feel comfortable around most gay guys for this reason, but him especially. Luckily this semester is almost over so I won't have to deal with him again, atleast not in a class type environment.

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You cannot control who is attracted to you.

 

No offense, but it sounds like you might be insecure about your sexuality. I am not saying you are gay or anything, but not every gay man wants to make a pass at you.

 

Some people can honestly just see you as a friend.

 

I was asking my former question because when I used to "Play it straight" I always got nervous and ambivalent around gay men because I was afraid they would think I was gay...

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He may just want a friend, if he is openly gay and no one is accepting him and you aren't acting homophobic around him he may be a little too happy about the whole situation.

 

There is always the chance he is interested but like FoxLocke said I believe it was, that not every gay man is after every straight man he talks too. I don't know where this stereotype came from but there are women that would not talk to me after I came out as a lesbian because they overanalyzed every movement I had and assumed, I was "lusting" over them.

 

While the truth is, even if they were lesbians I wouldn't touch a relationship with them given a ten foot poll. We have morals too. Most of us, there are some oddballs out there as there are in the heterosexual world then again.

 

Anyhow, if it truly bothers you just make it clear you're straight but without the homophobic tones because that may make him think you're lying. If you make a secure, "I'm straight. I have a girlfriend or want a girlfriend, period. I'll be a friend though." that should pretty much sum it up. He should respect that, if he doesn't gay or straight he isn't friend material. That way if he has any good sense and has developed a crush and only wants you for lust sake, he'll go find himself someone else. If he actually just wants you as a friend he'll understand, you'll have mutual respect, and hopefully he'll calm the behavior.

 

Like I say, if being gay is not popular in the area you live, he may just be alone and to be accepted by a guy, any guy may just make his day. Asking someone out to lunch isn't bad, I do that with my straight friends, though with them I make it clear "This is about food not love,". If he is only interested in a platonic sense he may not even realize that you may be taking this as interest.

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  • 3 years later...

there is nothing wrong with flirting back a bit. if he gets excited, you can say that you realize you turn him on but he's never going to get lucky in that way with you because he doesnt have the body parts you like. He will appreciate that i'm sure. Then he'll loose interest. Some gay guys flirt with you even though they know it bothers the heck out of you, but they do it anyway. I think it is rude sometimes, especially if the straight person is getting annoyed. You just have to send clear signals in your life to people. Not being a baby cat doesnt mean you have to be mean.

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So, wait, you think we all wear feather boas and have Fendi bags falling from our mouths every time we speak? Interesting.

 

As for the rest, having read this whole thread now, I find your attitudes very progressive, if this were, say 1985. Heaven forbid a gay guy should ever think he could make friends with another dude.

 

I guess we should just stick to the womenfolk in the sewing circles?

 

If I were you, I'd really open your mind a bit. You could use a few friends to challenge your preconceived notions.

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So, wait, you think we all wear feather boas and have Fendi bags falling from our mouths every time we speak? Interesting.

 

As for the rest, having read this whole thread now, I find your attitudes very progressive, if this were, say 1985. Heaven forbid a gay guy should ever think he could make friends with another dude.

 

I guess we should just stick to the womenfolk in the sewing circles?

 

If I were you, I'd really open your mind a bit. You could use a few friends to challenge your preconceived notions.

 

exactly, not every gay guy is feminine or listens to lady ga ga, I think the reason why I've been able to stay in the closet for so long is because of how masculine I am. but just let him know your straight and if he can respect that then you can remain friends, it doesn't really sound like flirting though.

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exactly, not every gay guy is feminine or listens to lady ga ga, I think the reason why I've been able to stay in the closet for so long is because of how masculine I am. but just let him know your straight and if he can respect that then you can remain friends, it doesn't really sound like flirting though.

 

i consider myself masculine, but lady gaga is kind of awesome. haha.

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  • 1 year later...

This form is really old so there's probably no point in posting, but:

 

Originally Posted by hexaemeron

So, wait, you think we all wear feather boas and have Fendi bags falling from our mouths every time we speak? Interesting.

 

As for the rest, having read this whole thread now, I find your attitudes very progressive, if this were, say 1985. Heaven forbid a gay guy should ever think he could make friends with another dude.

 

I guess we should just stick to the womenfolk in the sewing circles?

 

If I were you, I'd really open your mind a bit. You could use a few friends to challenge your preconceived notions.

 

-------

My main compliant with people is treating me like I'm supposed to be a woman or something just because I'm gay. Uh, hello, I'm gay because I'm a 100% male who's interested in other 100% males. I'd NEVER wear a dress or put on make up. My fashion sense isn't the best. I'm not a neat-freak. I don't cry at romantic movies on the rare occasion that I watch one - I really don't like girly things, including the color pink. I still like football.

 

I wouldn't be gay if I was going to get into a relationship with a man that acts and dresses like a girl. What's the point? To be totally honest, I really don't like that at all.

 

I think that guy likes you because of your masculinity - just kindly let him know that you're not interested and he'll back off. And that's if he's even gay. And just because he's gay doesn't mean he wants to be with you. He really could just be looking for friendship. Life isn't easy for us, and sometimes just having a friend - any sort of friend - makes it bearable.

 

So stop being so homophobic.

 

And NO, there is no way of telling if a guy is gay or not. We don't take on new gestures and become womanly after we CHOOSE to become gay. NO. The only way to find out is to ask.

 

 

Ahem. Ok. I'm done with my ranting.

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Hmm.. It seems from ur statement that this guy is hitting on u, I mean his behavior is pretty much what some gay guys would express if they have a crush on someone but again he could just be friendly and u misinterpret him.

 

Direct communication is the answer. If u got long enough with him (since u r classmates) it'll come a time when u ask him if he's gay. I don't think this question should hurt anyone who is liberal and secured about himself.

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