Urgent!!!... Asked for a seperation so why is it killing me...

I found out that my relationship was based on partly a lie... He was cheating (cyber sex, phone sex, and cam sex, and Kissed a girl i felt threatened by) It happened about 2 weeks ago now and I am still crushed. I was still wtih him til tonight. I asked him for a separation and now I feel worse than I did when I found out he cheated... I love this guy with all my heart. The problem is it feels like goodbye...

Whats wrong with me? why do I feel so bad?

Well, he betrayed you for one, and of course it will make you feel bad. This is someone you love and trusted, it's normal to feel like this about it. But I think you made the right decision for yourself, because how can you have a relationship with someone who you don't trust. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship and in my book if you don't have the trust you don't have anything. It will take sometime for you to work it all out in your head, but you'll be better for it in the end that you decided to end it. Take care of yourself, and I wish the best for you!

He is a total jerk. Get rid of him and never look back. You know that's what you have to do. It'll be hard at first but you will be SO glad you left him a few months down the line when you find someone that doesn't treat you like a dog.

I found out that my relationship was based on partly a lie... He was cheating (cyber sex, phone sex, and cam sex, and Kissed a girl i felt threatened by) It happened about 2 weeks ago now and I am still crushed. I was still wtih him til tonight. I asked him for a separation and now I feel worse than I did when I found out he cheated... I love this guy with all my heart. The problem is it feels like goodbye...

 

Whats wrong with me? why do I feel so bad?

Hi Cassandra,

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad right now.image removed

After reading about what your ex has done, I can only say this:

There are two parts to a healthy relationship. You can love and care for someone more than anything in the world, but it isn't enough if they don't return that feeling and show you the love and respect that you deserve in a relationship too.

This guy has shown you over and over that he does not love nor respect you. Someone who did would never be cheating and deceiving you and hurting you like that.

The good news is that you know that you deserve more. You stood up for yourself and said, "no more". It IS going to hurt for awhile, you have to grieve your feelings, and that's OK. BUT... the important thing is to know that the relationship wasn't healthy, your needs weren't being met, you weren't being loved and respected, and that you are now on the road to healing and eventually finding someone else who WILL treat you the way you deserve.

Hang in there, girl, it takes time!

Am in similar situation. Have a BF with Pulmonary Fibrosis. (he has to be on oxygen 24/7 and will probably need a lung transplant eventually). He was diagnosed after we started dating. I knew someone who died from this disease. The prognosis is not good. Found out about a year ago he cheated on me. MAJOR!! I broke up with him at the time, but we eventually got back together. I have been trying to help him through his illness, but he refuses to quit smoking and even quit taking his medicine at one point. (I didn't know about THAT until his doctor mentioned it in front of me). He lost his job as a truck driver because he can't pass the physical. I suggested he sign up for free computer classes at his local library so he could get a different job. He waited too long and the class was full by the time he called. Any time I ask how his medical situation is going, he gets angry at me and tells me to "relax". Last week I went to his apt. and I could smell the cigarette smoke. I played the messages on his machine and there were a number of messages from his doctor's office and his insurance company-- apparently he hadn't been returning their calls. I called and got the date and time of a support group in the area and wrote it on his calendar. We agreed to go together, but I doubt he would ever go. Also, last week, I felt he was acting strangely. I couldn't put my finger on it at first, but eventually it hit me-- I think he has been cheating again. As a result, I began snooping-- checking his internet history, looking at his credit card statements. I had never done that before, and it made me feel like a JERK!! I realized I didn't want to live like that.

Today I sent him a note saying I couldn't handle things as they were, and that I didn't feel I could trust him. I told him that I don't care that he is sick, because that is just part of life. I told him that I couldn't stand by and watch him kill himself and although I still love him, I can't see him anymore. Then, I blocked him on my e-mail so I couldn't receive his response.

The problem is... I am starting to forget why I broke up with him! (meaning, I am weakening). I think about all the good times we had and how much I will miss him. I worry because I know he will not take care of himself and I hate to think of him having to go through his illness by himself.

I just keep reminding myself that I don't feel I can trust him, but any words of encouragement anyone has would be appreciated...

If you two do get back together - how can you trust him ever again?

Are you going to insist he gets rid of his p.c? Will you tell him not to leave the house again without you? Will you remove his cell phone and ban him from ever using another one?

This guy is a 1st grade pig.

To kiss somebody that he KNOWS causes you discomfort, shows how much he loves and respects your feelings. Love isn't a one way street - you love him and he loves the fact he can be unfaithful and you let him get away with it.

You have asked for the seperation - he doesn't know how torn up you are - he has to sit there and think "what have I lost?". You're in the position of power - keep it that way.

Focus on making yourself feel good - do things you like to do - and enjoy life again as a single gal...it's not that bad think of Sex & the City lol.

At the very least - give yourself some space...say 3 months. If you still feel the same way about him...you could think about getting back together. However I think this is time enough for you to see him in his true light rather than those rose coloured glasses we see people through when we are blindly in love.

Good luck honey x x x

wow you are too much like a dream girlfriend - stop it. If he doesnt want to help himself why should you help him? Do what is right for you and being with a loser irrespective of his disease is just holding you back - to move forward you need someone who want to. You may love him but what future have you got together he is sick and snogs others and lies and cheats so what are you doing with him when you are caring and kind to him and just cause he is ill doesnt mean he can treat you like you were there cause you have to be. He is just making you a added extra that will be ther not appreciating you - forget him as you have done and suffer the pain of the break but in the long term it is better for you and better for your future if you want kids - you want a strong man who can do it for themselves not rely on you all the time.

Thanks, whoops. Yes, I already know that everything you say is true. It's just that it is good to hear it (and read it ) over and over in the first few days/weeks after you break up with someone, so you can remind yourself why you did it and "make it stick". Thanks again!