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How to master the internet dating game.


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The internet site I usually use is 'lavalife', and I have a profile on the dating section. I have recently gone on 'smiley-blitzes', that means indiscriminately sending smileys out to anyone, and usually yield low returns - ie maybe a couple of smileys per thirty given out, or one in fifteen.

 

The thing with this site, is you are paying for each message on a credit basis, that you are sending out. However, I prefer this site to a free site, because the site is generally well maintained, and I did net two real live dates when I was seriously looking for it.

 

My intentions for now is just to gain experience, and try to develop some skills as it pertains to attracting, flirting, rapping, dating and seducing women I'm attracted to (and probably lots of other guys)

 

My question is this - do you mainly send mails out to people, or wait for a return smiley before sending out a mail - or is it expected that an interested girl will simply contact you first, and if she doesn't do that, then something is wrong with the profile, or the picture simply is not good-looking enough.

 

This could get pricey, and I'm thinking of spending $ 50.00 to send out some more maileys (200 credits worth). Who usually initiated when it comes to mails. Now I know, another dating expert says, if the profile and picture are done right, then the guy should be getting the mails first. I dont know what to believe or expect here.

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I have tried internet dating like with sites like link removed or Yahoo Personals. It has been quite a long time since I've done internet dating. Most of the people I met on there were not exactly date material. Had some weird encounters as well as some real shallow people who, when they first saw me, were real turned off by my height, even though I had stated in my profile that I was only 4'5" tall.

 

Otherwise, I think if you put a good pic as well as a good description up, you should attract people who would write you. No need to come off as desperate and write a bunch of women. Have some confidence in yourself and it will shine in your profile.

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Otherwise, I think if you put a good pic as well as a good description up, you should attract people who would write you. No need to come off as desperate and write a bunch of women. Have some confidence in yourself and it will shine in your profile.

 

Well nobody has sent a mail to me before except over a year ago, and I may get an occasional smiley, but certainly nobody is paying to send mail to me.

 

I'm afraid your advice is not specific enough, but thanks for the effort.

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Internet dating sucks IMO unless you're a female since most on these sites are guys anyways. As Shadow Light put it buyer beware!!!

 

 

Yeah, that's what some dating guru's would say.

 

I have gotten 'dates' from the system - just bad matches - no chemistry either on my end, or her end, or both. Well, I guess you cant help the 'matches' part except, just at least dealing with people you feel you will have chemistry with, while at the same time, not being too close minded about the process.

 

I suppose, I just want to be more successful at it. If you are getting dates in the context of poverty of attention, then it seems to be just a set up for disaster - like the thread where I may take one person that I like who is taking me on a bit too seriously - because she is the only person in the world on that site that is taking me on that I like, and boof, train-wreck.

 

I mean, I may have a 'drip-drip-drip' of feedback after sending a whole bunch of smileys, while on the other hand, girls there may have a whole bunch of smileys and mails from guys that they dont even have time to deal with, and unless you really come out on top, wont likely get anything back.

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"Internet Dating (Find Your Mate in 90 Days or Less)" by David Abernathy 2004 is a good book.

I think you have to keep in mind.Some online people do not like to pay a fee to join an online dating site.Some online people don't check their account either after they join an online dating site.That means some of your smiley went unanswered not because of rejection.It's because of the fee.People.

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"Internet Dating (Find Your Mate in 90 Days or Less)" by David Abernathy 2004 is a good book.

I think you have to keep in mind.Some online people do not like to pay a fee to join an online dating site.Some online people don't check their account either after they join an online dating site.That means some of your smiley went unanswered not because of rejection.It's because of the fee.People.

 

You dont have to pay a fee to register and join any paid site. Sending a wink or smiley, or returning one is free. Posting a profile is free. The only thing they bill you on is initiating a message to someone. Lavalife does it on a per credit basis. On another site that may charge a monthly fee, would mean you could send an unlimited amount of messages out, as long as you pay that fee.

 

The lack of return smileys could rationally indicate, that for 'girls in demand' (GID), they probably have a tonne of smiley. I believe as other people have said, it likely take a well written mail, that may annotate in one or more items about their profile, and attempt to start a good online chat

 

The other problem with smileys, is that oftentimes, if you go on a random smiley blitz, you get some return smileys of girls you may not be attacted to - again, GID's, ususally initiate their own smiley or may respond to a well-written intelligent email - but may not return a smiley if they have a tonne of them.

 

I remember, one GID told me, she had 800 smileys on her account, and simply does not have the time to go over all of them. Since the mail is a paid feature, then an intelligent email, may get a response on someone who may not normally return a smiley. Of course, that same person will not have 800 intelligent well written emails, making it seem that if you really like a profile, you should send a mail out as opposed to a smiley.

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Otherwise, I think if you put a good pic as well as a good description up, you should attract people who would write you. No need to come off as desperate and write a bunch of women. Have some confidence in yourself and it will shine in your profile.

 

Well, the profile itself has been re-written and no longer comes accross as desperate. Let's give it another shot.

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OLD PROFILE:

 

TELL ME IF THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE I'M A BASKET CASE OR TOO DESPERATE. TELL ME IF THIS DOES NOT INVITE PATRONIZING - AND SCENERIOS THAT occurred IN 'HOW TO READ THIS GIRL'.

 

DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?

 

If you just got a smiley from me, then that means, I have just taken an initiatiion risk, and a rejection risk, without knowing much about you, other than the fact that you are attractive.

 

You see, asking the question "Do you want to go out with me?" entails a rejection risk. You could say 'NO", you could laugh at me, you could do many things to make me feel bad, or you may probably ignore me as though I'm some sort of nut.

 

You must understand, however, that I just had to get this out of my chest. Otherwise I would be analysing, contemplating, thinking of how best you would say 'yes', waiting within weeks, months, or even years before I have the nerve to ask you out, just to get a 'I already have a boyfriend', or 'you're not my type' at the end of the day.

 

Maybe, I could beat around the bush, or prehaps, I would think up some sort of scheme that will make you fall in love with me, and then it would work if I ask you out. But, instead, I guess I'm just giong to ask you out.

 

THE END.

 

 

Initially, when first released, this profile netted to dates --- TWO DATES - after it went limp.

 

However, it appears one girl, really has taken this whole profile apart - as on 'How to Read this Girl'? has shown, too much emphasis is put on having one date with me as though I'm a charity case, and I think it invites patronage rather than attraction. It's like saying, please feel sorry for me, I'm desperate, give me a date please. I dont know if that bodes well.

 

Anyway, I've constructed a more rational profile that portrays me as a decent guy to be around with, lets see how that will work.

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  • 2 weeks later...

After reading several books from the library, I have concluded, that the rule of thumb is that guys usually send out the mails, while gals are usually the recepient of them. So, I should not feel weird if I'm not getting mails or smileys from the ladies at this stage since it's not below the average internet experience for most guys (AIE-GY) as I may have originally thought.

 

Some internet guides, such as John Alanis, and perhaps another system, would suggest, a well written profile, with pictures conveying your best image, you doing an interesting activity to invoke curiosity, pictures conveying authority, and pictures conveying social proof, and marketed properly, should result in decent attractive women responding first to the profile by mails. However, this does not seem to be a majority opinion of internet success compared to all the information that is out there about internet dating. So, it's likely going to be above the AIE-GY.

 

The rule of thumb for guys on internet is to send about 12 mails out to various propsects that you may like, and if you receive no replies back from the mails, then something is likely wrong with the profile.

 

In my particular case, I tend to send smileys out rather than mails, and simply send maileys back to return smileys. The books have said nothing with regard to my particular strategy, but a real test of the profile is if you are able to connect with someone who is most in tune with your type of lifestyle and interests wtih a reasonable attraction.

 

The reality of AIE-GY, is that, if you are good on the internet, you usually land one date with a prospect, and that is usually the first and last date. Internet dating in general, have reported very low success rates, and I've heard figures of as low as 3.00% in some cases.

 

As a result of this feed-back, since I have not actually sent out at least 12 mails, with the profile I had before, or my modified profiles, and only sent out smileys, there is no way to suggest, that my personal internet experience was lower than AIE-GY and perhaps my expectations were too high to start with.

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First off, I Found me something I can reply to with some knowledge on my end.

 

Honestly I've been dating online (off and on) for over 2 years, almost 2 years anyway. In general you will get very few messages from women unless you have a GREAT profile. I've written a small how to guide on this subject I will post with new info added.

 

 

 

 

New addendum:

 

link removed Is a great place to meet new people. I've met 2 people from there now, my overall number is in the high teens to low 20's. (Insert a girlfriend or two and that's why its not higher) (For example, I've met 3 women, in the past week alone). I will add more, and answer any questions you have.

 

I'm not an expert on this, but I've definitely got lots of experience on this.

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I've yet to use it. I like the pay per month like deal so you can technically message as many as you want, without qualm. I just listed the ones I have had success off of. Yahoo personals, I've met 6-8 women, and 2 of them were my girlfriends, and okcupid I met 3-4 and 1 of them was my girlfriend. I just recently got back into dating again since I took a break.

 

Those are the ones I personally used, I can't comment on ones I didn't use. However, the profile part and others still apply.

 

Basically, Most people will not respond to the free messages. SMiley's or ice breakers, or Woo's in general. They respond to mails. There's a book you may want to get. Carlos Xuma wrote the "dating black book" I liked it, it was a good read. He hits a few of these on the head too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've just recently been trying out the 'link removed' dating site, it's free, and it has an interesting feature where you can see if people have actually read your messages, and what they have done with them to take off any suspence, plus it's a free site. I think this type of feed-back is invaluable, but, if the majority of my mails remain unread, then it does not reflect that well on the site as it would mean there is some crazy competition on it - and the paid sites would likely have a more controlled set of who is being emailed since people are paying for them.

 

The lesson of 'plentyoffish' should help serve to take the internet dating experience less personal, and of course, as others have pointed out, people do not know you on these types of sites anyway.

 

So far I've sent a whole bunch of different messages, and so far, only two read have been deleted. One reply was made, but appears to have been faded. One person said I wasn't her type. Well, at least it is free, what can I say?

 

I may play around on this site for a while, until I get the 'most optimum results possible' by manipulating my profile (and later, possibly pictures), and then perhaps go back on the paid sites later. I'm on the look out of other free sites such as this, and will review my other thread about internet dating vents where this may have been brought up.

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Dating sites are gernerally horrible for men. There is a lot of competition (4 or 5 to 1 male female ratio)and rejection doesn't cost women anything. The pay per message sites are hideous because a shotgun approach is almost required to get any kind of response.

 

I would never pay or if you have money to burn go with a site that has a subscription where you can send unlimited messages for a certain period of time. That way you can compile a list of prospects, subscribe for the minimum amount of time, carpet bomb, then wait for responses. In 4 months compile a new batch and try again.

 

Finally if you are a short man (5'7" and under) just stay away. Unlike real life there is almost nothing you can do in your profile or in your initial contact to mitigate your problem. If you don't believe me find a personals site that requires women to input a minimum height and look at the percentage that are 5'10+ vs the percentage that are 5'7 and below.

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Yeah...it does seem that a LOT of things when it comes to "hooking up" are in favor of women. And in regards to those dating sites, I only know one person who uses them. Girl. ALL of her BFs she's met from those sites. And so far....they've all been kinda farked up in the head.

 

In Vegas @ Club Tao, you need a 1+ women with you to be let in. I was let in while I was alone, but I dunno why. Maybe it was pity T__T

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That's how I feel about the whole thing sometimes. I wrote a negative vent about the whole subject, and yes, I agree, it feels like you may be flirting with one girl, or going out with her, meanwhile she's on the system flirting and arranging dates with a ton of other guys - that is if you are doing fine enough to even get a return message or a date, since women on the internet tend to be super-pickey about who they go out with, even in the most casual of contexts.

 

Internet dating as a whole is criticised for it's failure to land people who will likely stick over the first date or first few dates before juggling with other people or going back to date other people.

 

On the other hand, the internet venue is again, online and invisible, you can put up a profile, delete a profile, edit a profile, change a picture, send messages, dont send messages, whatever, you can get instant feed-back on virtually whatever you are doing. You can get sarging experience and practise, you can always improve your profile or message style to one that fits you.

 

There are males on this board who have mastered the internet dating game parameters, such as Budman, and a few others that I have seen. So, yes, it's possible to become a online Don Juan, and be one of those guys who get 5-10 girls chasing him.

 

In my view, competition means NOTHING, because if you have the right profile and pics and all that, then you come better than all the other guys and thus blow them all out. Internet has a majority of losers and a few winners. It is my hope that this thread will turn to insights on how to be one of those winners, while being as authentically 'you' as possible portrayed in your profile.

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Another thing of why internet dating may be cool for guys is that, if you are yourself, with a slightly snappy profile (may come off as insincere or false if too snappy), that you are not going to waste time with people except those where it is really going to work.

 

So, I think it is a good thing to have a fixed defination of what you want, what type of girl you are looking for, and what you want to say about yourself that would attract the type you are looking for. That way, if you do get a response, then you will spend less time wasting it on wrong girls who would likely play you or flake out on you.

 

I'm sure everyone in here realises that their time is important, and if you are wasting it on the wrong person, it's being wasted. Women who are online may waste their time on allot of guys, but guys here that aren't as successful, will only be spending their time with the right type of women.

 

So, I may be a minority opinion here that says the glass is half full rather than half empty, but so be it. If I'm not getting responses, then it's my time and money that's not being thrown away on the wrong person, or if I do meet a wrong person, then it's minimized to a few wrong people, big deal.

 

I mean come on, are you going to spend time and money taking out five or ten girls who will dissappear out of your life after you spend like $ 100 on dates and went out with them three times. Multiply that by five or ten, and you have $ 500 to $ 1000 that could be wasted. As guys, we simply cant afford the time and money to take every single girl out, so, let the girl's tax themselves with the burden of dealing with 500 emails a day, and let the right type of girl just fall into your lap.

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