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Am I jealous...of his DOG??!!


whatsagirltodo

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Ridiculous...I know! But here's the thing...My boyfriend gives WAYY more attention to his dog than to me!! It's so weird. Is it a guy thing? Is it a dog lover thing? Or is it just weird??!!

 

He has this dog...just a little terrier-bichon mix that I find to look like a mutt and not very cute. He is un-trained, un-groomed, extremely hyper, and fed very unhealthy table scraps that my boyfriend refuses to listen to me on how to care for a dog...Basically, I'm trying to say that he doesn't take good care of the dog, yet spoils it like crazy...

 

Anyway, the way he talks to this dog drives me up the wall. Not only does he baby-talk the dog, he's constantly telling it things that he doesn't even tell me!! Like "you're so cute" "i love you" ...and it's just really starting to drive me crazy, lol. We'll be on the phone and he'll be like, "aw, you're so cute, I love you" and then I feel like an idiot when he says he was talking to the dog. Last night we were watching a movie and instead of laying beside me...he lays beside the dog!

 

I really think i might be jealous of this little tiny mutt and that's making me angry!! Why be jealous of an animal? Maybe it also stems from the fact that my boyfriend will be SO busy and he can't hang out yet I asked him what he did and he "took the dog for a walk" or he "played with the dog"

 

Now, he lives with his parents and his parents also take care of the dog and walk him, etc. etc.

 

Am I being ridiculous, or is it ridiculous that I feel like I come second to an animal??

 

..and for the record, my boyfriend pretty much is a loner and shy and has no friends, no siblings...maybe that is his attachment?? I have no idea...

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Has he had the dog longer than he's been dating you? If so, it could be that he has just a very strong bond with the dog. It was his closest companion for all the times he's been alone. Many people treat their pets as well as some parents do their children (in some cases better). The animal relies on him for everything and he has a responsibility to care for it. Its not that the dog gets walked because he doesn't want to spend time with you, its because the dog must be walked or there will be puppy presents everywhere, not to mention how would it feel to be inside or chained all day long. If you feel that you want your guy to invest more time in you, you're going to have to accept the dog as part of the equation, it would be very unfair to make him choose.

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Maybe he is more bonded with his dog than to you. You might not understand it, but dogs are very important to some folks. Dogs are often more loyal than humans.

 

I have a strong attatchment to my 15 year old pup (on the left) and get all weepy when I see her at my ex's house. I don't feel that way about my ex wife at all.

 

I'd recommend making peace with your adversary or finding a guy without a canine companion.

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Well at the 1 year mark, you would expect him to spend more time with you BUT ... my daughter and I have a lot of nice chats about school, life and everything WHILE walking our dog.

 

I cuddle our dog a lot but my wife and daughter are first in the queue for cuddles.

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First of all as I respond to this post I must say im an animal lover and a dog lover so I may be a bit biased.

 

This brings back happy memories of a dog my family had. I loved her and she was a mixed dog.. Chiawa (mispelled) and something else. We fed her unhealthy table scraps spoiling her rotten. We let her have full run of the house, I told her my secrets we had some great talks.. Her looking at me with those loyal dog eyes even if I looked like WW3 sick with the flu! She lived 19 years and the day we had to put her to sleep because of tumors was a day I will never forget. I cried and cried and mourned for her. A companion animal (dog cat bird whatever) can become a friend. If you have never had the love for an animal you probally wouldnt understand. People can become quite crazy about their pets LOL

 

To get close to this man you are going to have to accept and even love his dog. It was there before you were. If this is something you can not face a future that involves pets then you need to find yourself a man that does not like animals. Just from what you have put here one can imagine that he will allways have a dog in his life, if not this dog then another dog. I have a dog.. She's a beagle and I have a cat too! They are spoiled pets too and well, my husband thinks its cute =)

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Anyway, the way he talks to this dog drives me up the wall. Not only does he baby-talk the dog, he's constantly telling it things that he doesn't even tell me!! Like "you're so cute" "i love you" ...and it's just really starting to drive me crazy, lol. We'll be on the phone and he'll be like, "aw, you're so cute, I love you" and then I feel like an idiot when he says he was talking to the dog. Last night we were watching a movie and instead of laying beside me...he lays beside the dog!

 

I am also a huge animal lover. I talk to my cat in baby talk and say all the silly things your BF says to his dog. My cat sleeps on my head or under my arm every night and cuddles with me....my husband is an independent sleeper and does not like to be cuddled once he falls asleep. So me and the cat are like 2 peas in a pod. She follows me everywhere and like me better than she likes my husband.

 

My husband makes fun of me and the cat all the time. I won't repeat exactly what he says...but he makes several jokes about my bond with my cat, using the "p word"

 

I think he is a little jealous of my cat. But not too much because I give him just as many compliments as the cat and show him affection (of course).

 

I don't think your boyfriend's dog would bother you so much if you felt like you were getting enough affection from him to begin with. My guess is that this probably isn't really about the dog, but more about you feeling ignored in general and not feeling like a priority in his life.

 

My advice would be to tell him that you feel neglected...without even having to bring up the dog issue, and see how he responds to it.

 

BellaDonna

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I agree with BellaDonna.

 

Talk to him about it. Or maybe if he's cute talking his dog, you jokingly say "I wish you told me those things". Of course it wouldn't really be a joke, but that could be a good way to bring it up.

 

Or maybe if he's cuddling his dog while you are both watching a movie, then perhaps you could ask him to save some cuddling for you.

 

As an animal lover, I can get like that too. So I don't think your boyfriend is weird. Some people do get attached to their pets. But I also don't forget about my boyfriend. I don't think you are crazy. If you don't feel like you are getting what you want, then it's ok to feel the way you do.

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Just a little piece of advice. And just so you know I can really relate to you being jealous of the dog. I would be jealous too. But I also am in love with my cat. She has been there for me when my entire family hasn't. I got her when I first moved out on my own when I was 16, and she can make anything better, really. Bottom line though, you feel jealous, and whether you have a right to feel jealous or not, if you tell him that he pays too much attention to his dog it WILL NOT go over well. And I'm sure we all know this.

 

What I would do is try really hard to fall in love with his dog too. Even if you have to fake it at first. my cat and I moved in with my bf, and he is NOT a cat person. But the more he warmed up to her, the easier it was for me to pay more attention to him and less to the cat. Not sure why. But if you spoil his dog too, it might just work out in your favor.

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I agree that you should seek affection from him without mentioning the dog's treatment. The dog can't stick up for itself, so he'll do it.

I often was suspicious of people who didn't like my dog. If my dog didn't like them, it colored my opinion of them.

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I often was suspicious of people who didn't like my dog. If my dog didn't like them, it colored my opinion of them

 

Funny that you mention that. My cat is very sociable and needy and acts more like a dog than any cat I've ever seen. She always hides under the bed when people I don't particularly like too much come over.....

 

I think if my husband told me he was "jealous of the cat" and felt neglected as a result, I would find it funny/immature and not take it as seriously. I would be much more receptive to a general discussion about his feelings and how he wants more affection/attention (without having to bring the kitty into it lol)

 

 

BellaDonna

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Dogs offer a very uncomplicated form of affection. Most dogs adore their masters, even without spoiling or excess amounts of attention, its their nature. The results of his effort with the dog are going to be instant and fairly easy to obtain, relationships with people are not always that straight forward or gratifying. Are you affectionate and attentive to him? Because if you rebuke him or don't respond he doesn't get the affirmation of his affection like he will from the dog.

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Ok, I've read all the replies...thanks to everyone. I know it more stems from the fact that i don't feel like i get attention from him - but after last night, which i didn't mention he BROUGHT his dog to MY house (and we never get alone time since we live with our parents and my parents were out of town) but he just wanted to cuddle up with his dog and ignore me, and I just feel stupid b/c i did make a joke about him giving his dog attention and not me and he jokingly asked if i was jealous and that was it, still no attention.

 

Things have been good in our relationship but he's been acting "off" lately, just not himself and definitly makes me feel like he wants nothing to do with me. it might just be "life" and his own personal business (like work, school, etc) and he is a pretty down-in-the-dumps kind of person (which i knew before we started dating) and he's not the kind of person to show affection or emotion...maybe that whole infatuation period and falling in love with me just made him be more affectionate towards me and make me feel like the queen of his world, and now that we've been going out for a year and are completely comfortable around eachother, he is just completely himself - and himself is not really all that emotional and touchy-feely. Does that make any sense? Or am I just finding crazy excuses for his behavior?

 

Is it normal for an unemotional person towards people to show emotions towards their pets? This guy is very quiet and has a low self esteem - yet maybe he feels like he can "talk" to the dog??

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Carnelian, I do show my boyfriend LOTS of attention, but I can't praise him at all, he has a very low self-esteem and puts himself down a lot. If I try to compliment him he argues that I'm wrong. I think that's what upsets me is that I give him all sorts of attention and affection, and i hardly get any in return

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Your guy might be awkward with humans.

My brother never shows empathy to humans. I suspect he has a condition like Asperger's syndrome. He's cold as ice to people in need, but he slavishly attends to his four dogs, showers them with baby talk and never shuts up about them.

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but after last night, which i didn't mention he BROUGHT his dog to MY house (and we never get alone time since we live with our parents and my parents were out of town) but he just wanted to cuddle up with his dog and ignore me, and I just feel stupid b/c i did make a joke about him giving his dog attention and not me and he jokingly asked if i was jealous and that was it, still no attention.

 

Ok...now I can see why it is getting a little strange. Even as a huge animal lover, I would not be too happy if a pet was imposing on romantic time...no matter how darn cute or lovable the pet was.

 

I think you need to communicate how you feel to him in a serious way, and not a joking way. Mention how you feel and then cite the time he brought the dog to your house as an example.

 

BellaDonna

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Thanks Bella, you're absolutely right. Like I said, things have been slightly rocky in our relationship only recently, and i'm pretty sure it's because of his personality and his reactions to other things not involving me, but they are obviously AFFECTING me and I will try to do a better job of voicing them. I do love this guy and he does tell me he loves me (but i hear him say it more to his dog than me, lol) so I'm not sure if it's other things that are affecting our relationship - or if this relationship just isn't going in the right direction and we're both trying to make something work that isn't supposed to work. We are really good friends and have been really good friends for longer than we've been going out...I sometimes I feel like I do love him but we shouldn't be together because we're really different people. I'm very emotional and he's not emotional at all (with the exception of the pooch!!) We view relationships differently...So...i just don't know how i'm feeling right now, and i don't know how he feels and I'm confused by the whole thing with the dog, as I am not an animal person...

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Hey, thanks for all the responses. The whole pet/human relationship thing doesn't make that much sense to me because even though I've had lots of pets and loved them to death, am not really that much of an animal person.

 

The whole dog/jealousy issue is definitly just me craving attention. I was talking to my boyfriend about all this and he asked me if I had been thinking about breaking up with him (which I have for several reasons some that i mentioned in this thread) and he asked me if I was going to and he had this grin on his face and I was so confused! I said I wasn't sure how I was feeling or what I wanted b/c he keeps giving me mixed signals - and that was it! He just started making jokes about me dumping him and he was very lovey-dovey towards me and gave me tons of attention last night. It was weird because I never mentioned anything to him before, yet he just knew that I had been thinking about breaking up. I'm still confused about things, just because of how hot and cold he is sometimes...but I do love him and want to be with him - I just don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me too. That's how I feel sometimes - then something like last night happens where he's just everything I want and does all the things that remind me of why i fell in love with him...It's just confusing and really hard...

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Oh sweetie I am sorry its so hard. Mixed signals are terrible. But personally it sounds to me like he is so secure in your relationship that he is grinning saying, "Are you going to break up with me? haha". Me and my bf are very secure in our relationship right now and I poke a few jokes at him sometimes. Like last night our friend came over to make us dinner (as a thank you) and it was so good that I asked him if he would marry me, jokingly. My bf laughed and said, "No no choose me! Marry me!". Its funny as lighthearted because we KNOW we are both joking. Maybe when he asked you if you were thinking about it he didn't mean it so seriously.

 

The other possibility is that he is INSECURE about the relationship and trying to joke about it to PRETEND that he is secure. Either way I think that he really loves you and doesnt want to lose you.

 

As far as the dog thing goes, this is what I would do other than trying to spoil the dog with him. Next time he sits down with the dog instead of you, just say sweetly with a big grin, "Hey if when your done with puppy you should come here and snuggle me He will be all awwwwww and come see you. I think sitting next to the dog instead is probably partially a habit thing and that can be broken. Good luck sweetie.

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Thanks to everyone for all your advice. you've been so helpful. I think I make too much out of little things. I really love my boyfriend and i worry too much about little details. I really don't understand my boyfriend because he's a closed-up kind of guy and we are quite different...and I tend to create drama, it's just my personality. So I find myself wondering why he does certain things and comparing it to other things that he does or does not do. If I talk to him about it, he'll openly talk to me, but for some reason, I just always try to figure out things myself and let them bother me.

 

I have this great guy, why do I have to create my own drama?

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Maybe you could start showering the dog with attention, yourself! One of the things I love about my boyfriend is how affectionate and sweet he is with my two dogs. In fact, whenever he starts playing with them, my heart just swells with so much love for him. Often, we both end up playing with the dogs, and it's kind of like a family activity.

 

So, instead of viewing the dog as a competitor for your attention, maybe you could get in on this, and spending time with the dog could be something you and your boyfriend do together.

 

I'm not saying that's the magic answer, though, because if you feel your boyfriend is not being affectionate or connected enough with you, that's a completely separate issue from his dog.

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