"bros before hos" ? bizarre love triangle

What do guys do when they like the same girl and they're friends??

i'm friends with two guys who are friends with each other. i like one of them, Curtis. he's cute, funny, nice, smart, and sweet. hes always flirting with me and he recently confessed to his friend, Matt, that he's really attracted to me, who later told me.

fast forward a couple of days...Matt is throwing hints at me that he is falling for me too and tells me all the time how beautiful and pretty i am. Also it looks like he's told Curtis i'm not interested or i'm not looking for a relationship or something of that nature to keep us from getting together. so confused and i don't know what to do at all...should i stop hanging out with them both? i don't want to be the girl who comes between two friends...but i really like Curtis.

if you're a guy...have you been in a situation like this?

if you're a girl...what do you do in a position like this?

Any advice for me would be appreciated, thanks!

Men like to compete with each other.

I'm a woman. In that situation, I would back off and see what happens.

If Curtis really likes you, he will work it through with his friend and find a way to date you. You'll get a chance to see if his interest is sincere or competition.

You'll have to let matt know you are not interested no matter what.

You could spend time with C. independently at the right time.

Getting in the middle of two friends is a recipe for trouble.

Letting each relationship stand alone is better.

Speaking as a guy, I think Matt should step. He's being just a hair scandalous and breaking the "dude code" by coming on to you after Curtis told him that he liked you himself, not to mention trying to discourage Curtis from pursuing a relationship with you. But that's between them. I don't think you should have to blow Curtis off if you really like him, or feel bad about choosing one over the other. If they're good friends, they'll work it out. Just don't forget, we guys (meaning Matt) need to be let down firmly but gently so we don't bruise our fragile egos. Hope that helps!

I have never had a conflict with a friend over a girl. It depends on the maturity of the people involved, some guy is gonna get the girl.

When i was younger i stole a close friends girlfriend. They were together for about a year. Then me and the girl started spending alot of time together and i fell in love with her. I felt so guilty about what i was doing, but my love for her was too strong to deny. She ended up leaving him for me and we dated for 3 years.

My friend hated me for a while and we didn't speak for years. Nowadays we are friendly to each other, and we talk online every couple of months...but we will never have the same friendship we had before.

My point - I do believe in "bros before hos" in almost all situations. But sometimes if your feelings for someone are too strong there is really nothing you can do.

So if you really like this guy curtis and could see yourself getting into a long term relationship with him...then you have to go for it. But if you just have a little crush on him and just want a fling...then your best leaving it alone and not messing up a friendship.

candykisses - I have been where you are and did it all wrong. So hopefully my hindsight will help you a bit.

I suggest - as itsallgrand did, that you don't lead either of them on until you are certain which you like and are certain of their intentions. And once you know, make it very clear to both. A step or two back is a good distance to get a good view of the situation.

If it is just some weird competition between them, or worse, some elaborate scam to compare notes of a shared experience (yes, people do that) that will become clear and you should stay away from both.

Good luck to you. I hope this all gets worked out with as few hurt feelings as possible.

thanks everyone for the replies!

If matt is discouraging Curtis from pursuing a relationship with me...and Curtis doesn't know about Matt coming on to me, should i say something to Curtis so he knows? the worst that can happen is Matt denies it to save their friendship or save face and i end up looking like the psycho b**ch. the other thing is, i don't really have much ground at this stage to tattletale to Curtis about matt, because it's not like we're dating...if you know what i mean.

but if i keep quiet and don't say anything, he is just going to keep on trusting matt and thinking i'm not interested no matter what i say or do to show i AM interested

too many complications

i guess i will just use your advice and step back first and distance myself from the situation

I still think you should step back from the both of them for a while. Which ever one is more or truly interested will hang around. The other will lose interest.

yeah, too much drama

candykisses - I have been where you are and did it all wrong. So hopefully my hindsight will help you a bit.

 

can you tell me a bit about what you did about the situation how you did it all wrong? (if you don't mind me asking)