how to say "ur hair looks bad!" !!!

How about just being honest.

Tell him how hard the subject is for you to even broach but you really want to get it off your chest.

I'm just curious why it bothers you so much tho. Do you feel it reflects on you some how? Are you not attracted to him anymore when he wears his hair that way?

If he REALLY likes it - seriously - who cares?

I mean, what if after you tell him he decides to keep doing it? Are you going to be too embarrassed to be around him like that?

You don't, you go out with him as he is.

You can mention when you see good haircuts that "that would suit you" and hope he takes the hint but ultimately it's his hair, he'll do what he likes with it.

Maybe there is something which he hates about you but is too much of a gentleman to tell you.

Just remember that if you give yourself permission to criticise him for how he looks he can legitimately reciprocate. Are you prepared for that?

yes its not at all attractive and the worst part is that it looks "done".. u know? it looks like a a broom coz he has thick hair and its not very smooth. when its natural its just wavy and very sexy. i keep tellin him how good he looks with his usual hair but i cant come to tell him how bad the other way is, esp/. with him thinkin it looks fabulous

DN he IS a gentleman but one time he told me how good one hair do looked on me and now i wear my hair like that everytime am with him/ why doesnt he take my feelings into consideration too even in this silly matteR?

I'd let it go.

Nothing like meeting a woman who wants to change you right off the bat.

You can reassure him you like him by doing nothing.

I like you, now change?

DN he IS a gentleman but one time he told me how good one hair do looked on me and now i wear my hair like that everytime am with him/ why doesnt he take my feelings into consideration too even in this silly matteR?

Maybe because it's silly?

And is he really aware that you think his hair looks bad? Just because you wear yours down because he complimented you doesn't mean that he understood that you don't like his when he had it done.

You are projecting how you would react on to how you think he should react and that will not serve you.

he already know i like his hair much better when not done, but he thinks that when we are goin out with a bunch of ppl that he is makin himself look good with the hair do, WHEN HE IS NOT. it is clear to him that i dont like it, but he is not changing it. isnt that like he isnt takin my feelings into consideration?

DN he IS a gentleman but one time he told me how good one hair do looked on me and now i wear my hair like that everytime am with him/ why doesnt he take my feelings into consideration too even in this silly matteR?

Because he told you how good it looked, not now BAD your other hair styles looked!

The difference is positive reinforcement.

Why don't you just tell him how attractive it is when it's wavy/natural and see how it goes?

Bottom line is IT is his hair and if makes him feel good, then let him do it. There are so many more important things in life - pick your battles wisely.

Maybe it makes HIM feel good, and HE likes it, and that's the bottom line. Or maybe he just does it now to make a point. It is HIS hair after all

..good with the hair do, WHEN HE IS NOT. it is clear to him that i dont like it, but he is not changing it. isnt that like he isnt takin my feelings into consideration?

Looking good is subjective. If he likes it, it's his own hair.

Are you upset that he doesn't obey you, or that you're embarrassed by him? Did you notice this before you got involved with him?

raykay i always tell him how his natural hair looks, i luv it. but he insists. u think its stupid ..it doesnt affect how i see him but i dont like other ppl to point it out as something not so good looking..i always wants him to look the best. thats all.

Dako : i might have felt a little embarrassed at first but now i dont, i just really care for him and i want him to look his best, esp that he is a very good looking guy

I dated a guy whom used to wear the most hideous hawaiian shirts in public - but I absolutely loved him, and whatever he was wearing I was more then proud to be seen with him. I could not care less if others looked at him funny. They are not the ones in the relationship, it's none of their business. If someone is that judgemental, they are not worth it. Sure he might have looked "better" in something else, but does it really matter? No....he was clean, and felt good about HIMSELF. When he died, my mother took some of those hideous shirts and made them into a quilt, and they are reminders of him.

I just don't see why you should worry about something like how he wears his hair so much. It's such a minor thing, and it bothers me when people are with someone trying to "change" them into what they want. One of my male friends had a gf whom did this, he ended up breaking it off as he got sick of her trying to mold him into what "she" thought he should be.

You seem to be taking this very personally as if you have some sort of a right to expect him to bow to your wishes about how he has his hair.

The fact is - you have no such right.

do you like him for his looks?

Why don't you just tell him how attractive it is when it's wavy/natural and see how it goes?

That's what I would do. Or tell him you liked it better before, but gently. Don't tell him you hate it, or criticize him. Also if you mention it once- that is enough. Don't press the issue.

If he does not change it back, then you'll have to love him for who he is.

BellaDonna

I had a problem like yours just recently. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 10 months and when we met he had short hair. He told me he used to have long hair, and that he wanted to grow it out again. I told him that I would be willing to see how it looks long, and after a while it grew to a pretty long, (and ugly) length. He looked horrible, except when he wore a hat which luckily was almost always. (except during sex which it where it was like ick), but I mean I love him because I love him, not because of his hair-do. After a while I kept complaining about his hair and saying I didn't like it and I wish he would cut it short again, even spike it because it makes him look sexy. He said he probably would eventually because it was getting in his way, but he liked it long. Yesterday he came over my house and brought the clippers! I was soo happy, but he seemed soo depressed. He let me cut it and now he looks good, and after a few minutes of me telling him how hot he looked he was happy again.

Moral of the story: If he really loves you, he will eventually change it, just keep nagging lol. If you really love him, and he likes the hair-do, let it go for a while longer, eventually it will get through to him. Just remember he's a guy and they don't get anything through their head unless it's straight forward.

I think you should just let it go. If you love him love, ALL of him.

I used to hate the way my boyfriend would dance because he never took it seriously. He would just goof off all of the time and I am one who enjoys to dance and dance well. I never said anything along the lines of "I don't like the way you dance" nor did I imply it because it's what made him the person that I love. Now whenever we dance I just dance bad with him and have the best time! Also, my boyfriend had mentioned that he did not like girls with bangs. He thought bangs made girls look ugly. Look at my picture. It obviously does not matter to him whether or not I have bangs because he loves me for me. He's actually taken a liking to my bangs even though he says he still hates them on everyone else.

Take the negative and make it a positive. Keep the compliments coming about his hair when he doesn't straighten it. If it makes him feel good to have his hair the way he likes it though, that's all that should matter.

P.S. You should not care what other people think about his hair, epsecially if he doesn't. You're supposed to defend him even. What kind of girlfriend are you!? If you thought you look good in an outfit and everyone made fun of you behind your back about it, wouldn't you be pissed to find that your boyfriend didn't stand up for you?

Moral of the story: If he really loves you, he will eventually change it, just keep nagging lol. If you really love him, and he likes the hair-do, let it go for a while longer, eventually it will get through to him. Just remember he's a guy and they don't get anything through their head unless it's straight forward.

There ya go!! Keep nagging because he's just a dumb guy and doesn't know any better. He needs an intelligent, insightful and compassionate woman to keep him on the straight and narrow.

If you take this advice I look forward to your next post in the 'break-up' forum.

Maybe he's just going through a phase right now. I'm a hairdresser..and the current style for guys right now is a longish shaggy look. He may just be trying to be "in style" right now.

Here's an idea...next time he goes to the hairdresser..go with him and talk to the hairdresser doing his hair. Ask for some style books, and point out the styles you think would look good on him. Also ask the stylists opinion in front of him and ask them what the "current" looks are in.

If nothing else it may plant a seed in his head...but nagging him is not the key here. Positive reinforcement works much better.

Moral of the story: If he really loves you, he will eventually change it, just keep nagging lol. If you really love him, and he likes the hair-do, let it go for a while longer, eventually it will get through to him. Just remember he's a guy and they don't get anything through their head unless it's straight forward.

There ya go!! Keep nagging because he's just a dumb guy and doesn't know any better. He needs an intelligent, insightful and compassionate woman to keep him on the straight and narrow. If you take this advice I look forward to your next post in the 'break-up' forum.

I could not agree with DN more! I'm starting to think that you don't really care for you boyfriend. First you get mad at him for not wanting to have unprotected sex with you and now you dislike him for his hair. Can this guy do anything right for you? Seriously. You need to get the stick out of your butt and learn how to lose your superficiality. You should love him for him, even if he does have his quirks that make you cringe sometimes. Nobody is flawless and neither are you, sweetie. I don't see you posting anything about how your boyfriend wishing that you were a redhead or that you were taller or maybe would lose some weight.

Other eNotAloners: please stop giving her ways of changing her guy. This should not be what she should be doing. She should be learning to love her guy for who he is, which is why she dated him in the first place. If a guy posted on here how he wished his girlfriend would work out because he didn't like her extra jiggle we'd all be down his throat. This is no different.

I don't advocate trying to CHANGE something about someone...we all know that's only going to happen if someone WANTS to change....but we all have preferances. I personally don;t like long hair on a guy, and I probably wouldn't be attracted to someone initially if they had long hair..because that's MY preferance. Now, if I met someone, fell in love with him and THEN he grew his hair out I would most likely be able to live with it because I loved HIM. Would I tell him I didn't care for it? Sure, but again, I would probably be more willing to accept it simply because I loved the REST of him.

guys look am not superficial on the contrary i really care for the inside of him as a person becoz he IS a great guy..but this doesnt mean i cant prefer it if he has his hair done in a specific way..am not tryin to change him coz i do luv him the way he is, I just want him to take my opinion into consideration..i wear my hair the way he likes it all of the time and i wear the style of clothes he likes , and he knows it. so is it so bad if i want him to change this little thing?! please guys try to understand

He says he likes your hair a certain way..but does he INSIST you wear it that way?? That's the difference here. Now if you wear your hair a certain way to please him, that is YOUR choice. If he is making ultimatums or making you feel crappy about yourself because he prefers your hair a certain way....that's a whole other ball of wax.