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Thread: When the wife ignores the husband

  1. #1
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    When the wife ignores the husband

    Married 9 years. Wife is a nurse. I'm a teacher. She prefers to hang out with co-workers, church groups, and the kids to spending time with me. I feel ignored, unappreciated, taken for granted. I'm extremely good to her, maybe too good. Maybe that's the problem?

    I've never seriously contemplated cheating on her or divorcing her. But I'm to the point where either of those sounds like valid options to me. Mainly, though, I think I just a pen pal or two in a forum like this. Know what I mean?

    Thanx,

  2. #2

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    Have you talked to her about how you feel? If you have what did dhe say in response?

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    all the time

    Yes DN, I've told her over and over, over many years. This problem seems to come and go. She will treat me great for a while, then mysteriously turn in to this other person who makes me feel one inch tall. We even got counseling for a solid year, all last year. Spent oodles of money with a therapist and here we are back again. I'm spent. Looking at my options. Any suggestions?
    Thanx,

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    Gold Member Meow18's Avatar
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    I have the same question as DN. Have you told her about your feelings?

    Perhaps your wife doesn't even realize it? Sometimes people feel that when they are married, they don't have to make extra time for their spouse. Of course it's not always right when the other person is hurting.

    Maybe you can try to plan at least one evening during the week to make a date night. Whether it's just cuddling on the couch watching tv, or going out to dinner.

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    maybe, maybe

    Hey Maggie, you may be right. I've told her how I feel until I've just become numb. I'm tired of getting her leftovers. I want to be the most important person in her life like she is in mine. I'm not trying to smother her. I'm not jealous either. I just want to feel appreciated. I might try what you advise. Thanx,

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    Gold Member Meow18's Avatar
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    Oh, so you have talked to her. Sorry, I must have been writing my response as you wrote yours.

    What did your therapist suggest? Perhaps you could suggest making a date night once a week. Do you think she would be willing to do that?

    Have you told her that you can't be in a relationship where you feel you are being taken for granted? What does she say about that?

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    therapist said . . .

    Maggie, the therapist said for us to try to meet in the middle--I give her more space, she give me more attention. Well, duh! I paid good money for that, too!

    Yes, we've talked and talked and talked. I'm not one of these silent types. The wife is more silent than me. It's like we have a role reversal marriage. It's like she's the head of the house, in the sense that if we don't do things her way, she is insufferable. So I give and give and give, but sometimes I get tired of being the doormat. I'm not a weenie, just a nice guy. But she and I are not on the same page about priorities.

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    Sometimes people need a wake-up call. Perhaps you should say that unless she can commit to making a permanent change in her behaviour then it is time that you called it quits, figured out the best way to raise your children and got as amicable a divorce as possible.

    Don't cheat on her - not a good option.

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    good advice

    You're right, DN. I know it's not a good idea to cheat. But I'm gettin' desperate. And I don't mean for sex. I mean for companionship. The problem with divorce is that it's worse than the original problem. Been there and done that. It hurts like hell. Takes 3 years to get over it. I guess that's why I keep biding my time with this wife, hoping it will get better.

    But I have thought about throwing down the ultimatum. My fear, I suppose, is that she'll say "divorce? I thought you'd never ask!"

  11. #10

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    Well, that is a possibility. And the other possibility is that she won't want a divorce but will not make a commitment to change which throws the ball back in your court.

    The bottom line is: can you live with the current situation if she will not change?

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