Problems with boyfriend talking to other girls (online)!

This is really starting to bother me! My boyfriend's a great guy, and he's always talking about good things in a relationship (being able to talk to each other, etc.) -- he even mentioned this theory about "painting an emotion with words", which involves describing a totally different situation that brings about the same emotion that you feel when something happens between the two of you (and then telling that to your partner to help them to better understand how you feel when something they did is upsetting you).

Well, this is going to sound stupid (what's bothering me), but I feel really upset about it!

He and I both visit this gaming-type of website (quite regularly). This isn't an online relationship, I know him in person (sometimes he goes to this website from my house), but this month he has decided to enter a contest on the website that involves putting a certain amount of time into a game on it for points. Well, I've been helping him out with the contest by putting MY time into it as well whenever he's gone and I'm home, etc.

Through doing this, I have to log in as him (he knows that I'm logging in as him). Because I visit the website quite often myself, I subconsiously clicked the Mail icon when it popped up. I WASN'T trying to snoop into his mail -- I accidentally clicked it! But once I did, I saw a message to someone I had talked to on there before -- a girl, who was quite rude to me, and who I was already mad at...so...I read it. I know, I shouldn't have. I love my boyfriend. I trust him. I just...didn't like that girl, so I read it. And it turned out my boyfriend lied to me. He told THIS GIRL something personal about our relationship that he told me he didn't tell her, and he sent her pictures of himself...

I'm just a little bit upset...I know I shouldn't be, but I want to confront him about it, and I can't, because I shouldn't have read the mail! He lied to me, though! Not to mention, a bunch of other girls were hitting on him (sending hiim those stupid little hearts) and they don't even know him in person, but I just think that it's very rude of them to do that when they know he has a girlfriend. Am I getting jealous too easily, or not? I know that he'd be mad if this were the case with me! So here I am thinking of things to say to him when he gets home, and one is that "painting a picture with a comparisiong" thing...I want to say "hey...it's okay if I send pictures of myself to [name taken out for privacy], right?" and I know his reaction will be something like "...what?!? why? no! he's a * * * *ing * * * * * * *!", because that guy was rude to him before, and he doesn't like him. So then why is it okay for him to send pictures of himself to this girl that was rude to me, when I don't like her?

But then I know that saying something like that is just warranting a fight. I shouldn't say that. I don't know what to say! I'm just very upset...I don't like the way he acts online to other girls. He says he's just being silly, but him going into another girls profile and saying "she is so HOT!!"...whether or not he puts some weird joke about having a poster of them covered in glue to sniff and get high after that, it still bothers me. He laughs when I say it bothers me, but you know what? They go back to his profile and put hearts and "lots of love" and stuff afterwards...so I'm pretty sure they TAKE it as flirting, so wehther or not he THINKS he's flirting, he is (in their eyes)! The problem is, I let him know how this bothers me before and he still kind of does it...

I don't know...am I just being an idiot?:sad:

To be honest your situation sounds so similar to mine. I have looked at my boyfriends email and been shocked at what i found.. i dont want to panic you, its great you trust your boyfriend, it may be harmless, ya know he aint meeting them or anything... but he still has LIED to you, and you know it. Personally i dont think there is any reason NOT to confront him, you have access to his email, and he knows you go on there, its not just his thing so why shouldnt you look? but at the same time, why would he do those things if he knew you had access?

You have to confront him, or it will eat you up no matter what, ya need to.

Only you know your boyfriends personality, and how he reacts to certain situation, so you need to fgure out a way to confront him without making it an argument, make a joke of it.

Personally when i did this, i made up a lie so i could confront him, im not saying lie to him, but ya know.

Either way, why would he send pictures anyway?

Maybe bring up a convo about wether he ermails anyone from the game, wether he reckons anyone flirts with him, even, if you have to, lead him into another lie. Ask him something about it that you know the answer to. But at the same time you cant go "haha liar liar" lol im trying to totally see your view.

If you feel you can let it go, it doesnt matter then dont make a deal of it, if you know you trust him.

People will say its only online but it so doesnt matter. When i found out, i was so gutted about it.

Your not being an idiot though, you could say you logged on (andf if this happens) it said he had mail, so you looked, cos it flashed/had a sign so you looked and saw these messages, even tell him you didnt read them but what are they about? or while he is on there infront of you, ask him something regarding mail, prompt him to look and ask what they are about!

blah im going on a bit, just thinking for ya

The problem is, I let him know how this bothers me before and he still kind of does it...

 

I don't know...am I just being an idiot?

 

You need to reiterate that you are still bothered by what he is doing. He is playing games with you, and you shouldn't put up with that crap. I also think that if he were serious about your relationship, he wouldn't be sending pictures of himself to another girl. If I were you, that would be be grounds for termination for me.

 

You aren't being an idiot. An idiot would ignore these kind of problems.

I just went through your previous posts, and I must say that however unintentional you looking at his mail was, I have to believe that his behavior is causing you to not trust him.

There's two possibilities I think. One is that he has such a low self esteem that he is using the comments from these gals to make himself feel better or boost his self esteem. It kind of "fluffs his feathers".

The other possibility is that no, you should not trust him. His behavior in the past would lead anyone to question how faithful he would be. It's one thing to say that someone is good looking or you find them attractive, but when you purposely goat or egg someone on to get a rise out of them, I would question his intentions. He lied to you about this gal, and he knows you don't like her. So did he lie because you don't like her, or did he lie because he doesn't want you to know about their chats? He becomes upset if you say someone is good looking, but yet he is just "joking" around? THAT is the pot calling the kettle black.

You mentioned in your previous posts that he not only is an alcoholic, but uses prescription sleeping pills. His behavior may be stemmed by all of this, but you really need to work up the strength to talk to him about his hypocrisy.

i think what is going on is serios i just lost my fiance to a online game we were together for three years and we were best friends and one day she started to meet guys on this game they talked smack on me and she bought into it we ended up breaking up and she flew to another state to meet this guy and replaced me in a heart beat so you need to nip this in the but right now befor it gets out of hand, (im going threw the pain right now and it sucks!)

I would be furious my husband when he was my bf talked to other girls all the time online and I would get consumed with anger and fustration, finally I confronted him and told him it had to stop if he wanted to be with me and finally he did. You just need to confront him, he may be the type mine is that doesn't mean anything by what he's saying, that's just a really nice guy, but seriously a lot of girls take that as flirting.

no you're not an idiot AT ALL. i've been in the same situation before, multiple times. it's alright. and it's going to be alright, if he truly loves you.