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Thread: Boyfriend being sneaky?

  1. #1
    Lovely8466
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    Boyfriend being sneaky?

    Ok.. I was curious... how many of you are in a relationship, or have in the past, and shared each other's e-mails? Or checked each others... behind their back or with them knowing??? ANd those of you who have check your bf/gf's e-mails, did he/she mind about it?? And do you think it's bad to do so??

    Basically my bf knew I had his password, and I found out he had mine. So I know he's checked mine, which doesn't bother me because I have nothing to hide. But today I brought something up I saw in his e-mail... and apparently he forgot I had his password and he flipped out and went nuts asking me why I checked it and how often. TOo be honest.. .I do check it every now and then, which I told him, and I do it because I don't trust him 100% because he has lied to me in the past, so I need to see if he's loyal or not. So after that fight he changed his password and is so mad that I can't trust him all the way and this and that and now he's ignoring me. This is bugging the crap out of me! That is the type of open/serious relationships I like, I like to share everything and I think my bf should too.. there should be nothing to hide so I don't understand him going nuts about it. He says he's not hiding anything but in my opinion... why would he freak out so much if he wasn't hiding anything?? WHy are guys so insecure about their gf's checking their e-mails. What's the big deal?!?! How can you tell someone you want to marry them if you can't even share your password?!??! ANy advice would be nice!.. Thanks

  2. #2
    DN

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    One of the biggest fallacies about marriage is that you become one person and have to share everything because you have nothing to hide.

    He has the right to privacy and you have no right to question him if he decides to exercise it. If you don't wish to have privacy from him that is your choice but you should not try to impose that on him in turn.

  3. #3
    orgasmictofu
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    I trust my boyfriend completely. I have no need to check his emails. And frankly, have no interest in it.

    There are things that I email back and forth with my family that I'd rather not have other people see. Not because I'm trying to hide anything, but because it's family business and noone else's

    I think it's important in a relationship to have your own space. My own email is my space. I still don't understand the fascination in relationships to read eachother's emails when everything is great and the trust is there. And if the trust isin't there, what difference does reading email make when I can very simply get another email to be friendly with someone else.

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    RayKay
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    My boyfriend and I have a very open, trusting relationship...but we don't have each other's e-mail passwords and neither of us has any actual desire too either. We don't hide our email screens from one another or anything, but we just don't feel that need. If an ex were to contact him for example, I trust him to know HE knows how to handle it and respects me enough to also communicate with me anything out of the ordinary.

    For me, I think it's the fact that while I know we would be fine to see one another's emails in general, what about the friends and family whom may email us - that would be breaking THEIR confidence in my opinion. I think some privacy IS important. Wanting some privacy does not automatically mean being sneaky or having something to hide. When you get married or are in a relationship, you don't lose your personhood. And your friends/family don't lose their privacy too! Besides, what if he was talking about how he wanted to surprise you and you found out, that would be pretty crappy, wouldn't it be?

    If you both agree to share, I don't think it's bad, but if you are being sneaky about it and trying to hack in, I think there is a BIG indication that something in your gut isn't right. Honestly for me if I had the desire to snoop into my boyfriend's emails, I would see that more as a sign there were deeper issues at play. If you give him your password, that's fine, but it should not be with expectation he MUST return the favour if he feels differently.
    Last edited by RayKay; 03-29-2006 at 04:35 PM.

  5. #5
    PocoDiablo
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    what's he hiding?

    My fiance can read any of the 400+ emails a day I get, and would easily fall asleep. I've got nothing to hide, and I don't even password protect my emails or my computer.

    But if he's cheating ...

    Trust your gut....

  6. #6
    DN

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    Since you have been checking his e-mails have you found anything to suggest he might be cheating?

  7. #7
    Lovely8466
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    I understand the privacy issue. And I guess I'm different in that sense. I see nothing wrong with either of us sharing our passwords. and it's def not on the top of mylist to check his... i mean i have reasons to for what he has done in the past, he hasn't cheated. but he has made me loose trust, so i guess this is my way of checking to see if he is untrustworthy or not. I guess what really bothers me is that he changed it asap, as if there is something he's hiding. I mean, if your bf/gf found out your password and told you, would you change it right away? or let them have it because it doesn't bother...if you trusted them, then they would give you that privacy if you asked them too...

  8. #8
    DN

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    I think you are missing the point. You have no right to impose your standards of privacy on him. Who put you in charge of the relationship?

    If you don't trust him you should not be with him. And he may decide that if you don't trust him he doesn't want to be with you.

    As someone else pointed out, it is a simple matter for him to set up another e-mail account that he can keep secret from you if he wants to cheat.

  9. #9
    RayKay
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    If you don't trust him, instead of wondering about this, maybe you should decide if you really want to be in a relationship for the rest of your life where you will always feel that mistrust?

  10. #10
    Jylaine
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    i am sorry but lovely you have no right to go into your bf emails whether you trust him or not...that is not what it is about. My bf went into my email account and I lost it not because i had anything to hid but i felt it was a complete invasion of my privacy.
    If you want to see in your bf email account ask him! You shouldn't have to investigate your bf that shows a lack of trust and why would you want to be in a relationship if you don't trust 100%??? I don't understand what is wrong with people these days. I appologize if i seem rude that is not my intention i just don't understand why people waste their time with someone they do not trust.
    You and your bf need to work out these kinks in your relationship so you have more trust and don't feel the need to go into eachothers private things.

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