Not sure where to go from here.. URGENT!!!

OK little run down... Been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months with the high possibility of marriage in the future. But because hes the 3rd guy i've been with sexually, he wants me to experiment and sleep with other guys so that I don't miss out on the experience.

This leads to where the problem is. I have a male workmate. Theres alot of sexual tension between us. He's married with kids. And over the last few weeks it's gone from harmless flirting to him touching me and then us meeting after work to talk about where we should draw the line with the flirting. Instead he said that he was doing everything he could to stop himself from touching me. I just asked a general question asking what was stopping him. The he kissed me. The minute it happened I felt so guilty. He walked me to my car but while we were doing that we were still kissing. He told me to tell him to go so I did I got in my car and he walked away. Then he came back on knocked on the window. I said what and got out the car. He kissed me again I said what about the consequences. He said he didn't care about the consequences and that he wanted me. I said no got in my car and drove off. He sat there for a bit the followed me to my house. I said what are you doing? he said checking to see if your ok.. I said I was.

When I got inside I rang my boyfriend and told him what happened and why I thought I had let it happen. He wasn't angry or annoyed or anything and that really bugged me. I tested the boundries and he didn't bother. He said he had no right to be upset or anything cos he had given me permission. So I had deep and meanigful with him the other night and I told him to take away my permission to sleep around. Which he has, he said if i was to do anything now then he'd get angry.

The problem is this married man wants more. He said he went home kissed his wife and felt no guilt about what he'd done... this concerns me. I've been getting msgs from him and I dunno where to go from here.

I know what I've done is wrong.. I've learnt my lesson, I didn't know what I was getting myself into and now my boyfriends getting concerned about this guy. But what do I do next. He hasn't backed off.

OK - number one - you need to cut all contact with the married guy. Its one thing him cheating on his wife, but you DO NOT want to be the other woman. Think about how you would feel if you were his wife? Wouldn't that upset you? Tell him to stop messaging you and tell him you want nothing to do with it.

Secondly, you have some issues you need to work out with your boyfriend. He WANTS you to sleep with other guys? Something is wrong there. You guys really need to talk that over or maybe he isn't the right guy for you. He's obviously not 100% devoted to you and how much can he really care if he wants you to 'experiment'. You're just goin to end up feeling guilty and its not a good feeling all around. This is not a healthy relationship - its up to you if you want to work on that or end it but something has to be done.

If I were you I would be wondering of he is "experimenting" as well. Good luck.

The experimenting thing has been talked about he's worried that when were married that i'm gonna wonder what it was like to sleep with other guys and cheat on him. He's my first relationship ever. After what happened he's taken that away from me. I'm no longer allowed to sleep with anyone but him. So that's not to worry. And I know that he's married and how I would feel if that happened to me. Which is why I've put a stop to it but he keeps at me.

And no I know hes not experimenting. Apart from the fact he has no time and when hes not at work or at uni he's with me.. He's 100% commited to me... He knows if he cheated he'd lose me and he doesn't want that

I am quite taken aback by your boyfriend's attitude, but I guess that he has his own way of seeing things. His thoughts are along the lines of "sin now only to prevent you from sinning later" or to that effect.

I am not sure if it is a foolproof solution to prevent adultery in the future, but I am very sure that it is not something which any loving boyfriend would want their girlfriend to do. From my vantage point, I see it as an excuse for him to sleep with other women as well. Like what Blue Skittles have mentioned, this is not a healthy relationship. Some serious work needs to be done.

Secondly, as for things with that married colleague of yours, please do stop the hanky pankies before things really get out of hand. Your boyfriend may have certain values, but I am certain that you have yours to keep too. You would not feel guilty for kissing another man if your principles were not compromised.

Hope I have helped.

I have been with my girlfriend for five years at the end of this May. She is the only person I've ever slept with, and I am the same for her. We only just recently even started talking about marriage.

You've been with this guy for six months. Why are you talking about a high probability of marriage? Everything else you've mentioned about your relationship makes me think neither one of you is quite ready. Despite the fact that your BF seems so ready to let you sleep with other men, I get the impression that he is insecure, as displayed by his fear you might one day cheat on him long from now when you're married. You've been together six months. You should be taking things one step at a time and not worrying about that.

As for this married man, you need to cut him off. Try not to feel too guilty about what happened between you, because you sound like a good person and I don't think it would have gone as far as it did were it not for your BF's encouragement. I think you need to speak to this man at work one last time, and tell him this thing between you and him is over. Tell him there is no possibility of you two ever being together, and that from now on you want all of your interactions to be strictly work related. If he doesn't have anything to say to you that's directly related to your work, then he doesn't have anything to say to you at all. In addition, let him know you will be reporting him to management if he makes any further advances on you. This all sounds harsh, but I think it's necessary to make sure this doesn't continue.

In addition, I think you should buy a small notebook, and write down the whole incident with him kissing you as you've related it to us, as well as anything else that might be relevent. If he makes any further advances towards you, write those down in the book too, and include dates. You can bring this to your bosses for proof in case he doesn't leave you alone.

As for your boyfriend, I would echo the sentiments of the other posters. I dont' think any truly loving BF would propose such a "solution" to prevent cheating in the future. His rational kind of reminds me of some things said during the Vietnam War. "We had to destroy the village to save it." I also think it's highly likely he's OK with you doing these things because he's doing them on his own without telling you. Just something to think about.

You're only 22 years old. My GF will turn 22 at the end of this summer. That's one of the reasons talk of marriage has been so long in coming, despite the fact we've been together for so long. If you choose to stay with this guy, I suggest you try and take things easy and just see what happens. Normally I think a couple should be together for at least a year before marriage, but when they're young it should be longer.

Well, for one thing, it's good your boyfriend came quickly into relisation cuz no self-respecting guy would allow or even think of his g/f sleeping around on him. As for that other guy bothering, if he stills doesn't listen and leads to harrasment, you would need to write down on your notebook and report it.