A relationship without a possibilty of marriage, what do you think?

hello everyone, this morning I told my ex bf that I wasn't going to see him anymore. We were on a break for exactly a year as of today. I changed my phone number and turned off my cell phone. He just showed up at my house and I ended up letting him in. He says he loves me and wants me back and wants to continue our relationship. But then he says that he will never ever marry me. That he does not believe in marriage. I didn't know what to say. I'm more confused then ever. is he just giving me more BS? your thoughts please..

When a man tells you that he will never marry you, believe him. They do not lie about this. It doesn't mean he'll never marry anyone. Just not you. So continue this realtionship, as you see fit, knowing he is telling you the truth.

Hi. Our situations are similar. Sorry, I can't offer any insight...just want you to know you're not alone.

My unsolicited advice: if he won't marry you, then DO NOT move in with him, hold joint bank accounts, buy property together, etc...

Really, why on earth do these men expect so much when they're offering so little?????????

If marriage is what you want out of a relationship, this is not the guy for you. Like evy said, he IS telling you the truth.

To me, this would be a tough call. There are those who don't believe in the institution of marriage for their own reasons but are very capable of commitment and love.

BUT, of course, there are those who are afraid of the commitment or of being tied down to one person or....again, like eva said and I agree, maybe just not you. (sorry...it is a possibility)

I think he prolly does love you and want to be with you, right now. If you need marriage, then you should prolly get away from this guy. If you're happy just being with him, then ride it out. You could end up being together longer than most marriages last. Who knows?

In complete agreeance. A man never lies about that. Read "He's just not that into you." He will marry someone someday, but not you. There's not point in having a relationship with him any longer. You already had a year break and that wasn't enough to convince him to marry you, so don't bother. He's just trying to fill the void until he finds someone else in my opinion. How rude.

Why did you break up?

Do you want marriage?

How important is that to you?

If he told you that, I would believe him. To go on not believing him would be foolish on your part and only set you up for disappointment in the furture, and be unfair to both of you.

Hi Miticalzz, I agree - Believe him. If these are his terms, then you have to decide if being with him is worth the sacrifice. My two cents? He had a whole year to figure out how he feels about you and this is the best that he could come up with? Walk away. You deserve better and he isn't it.

Kick him to the curb!! WHy make life easy for these guys??

If you want marriage, and you believe it is important, then this is not the guy for you.

There is not much hidden meaning when someone tells you they don't want to get married. Sometimes it means they just don't want to marry you and they will marry someone when the time is right, but even so, you have to take him at his word.

Now some people are perfectly happy never getting married, and that is fine as long as both halves of the relationship believe the same thing. My mother and stepfather have been together 20 years never married by their choice, but are a role model couple, very supportive, loving, best friends and partners, and here the laws also are very good for common laws, and they have wills and the like which protect each other.

When one wants it, and another does not...that's a dealbreaker in my opinion as one half will either resent the other, or feel pressured into something they don't want.

If you got back together with him, can you honestly say you will never pressure him for marriage, and never regret not getting married?

What about children? Do you want children? Does he? Would you be okay not being married if you had them?

hi all.....in about the same boat. After 2 years of long distance, 1/2 way around the world, we decided to be somewhere together. He interviewed in my city and it was not a "good fit", so I moved. When first getting here I was not thinking I would like to get married, but now after being here over a year, after facing immigration issues and taking a job paying 30,000 less a year that uses 1/2 my skills, and having no family here I really feel I would like a commitment before continuing to make further sacrifices. I have left my job, family, friends, have to even wear my hair differently because of the climate.The changes are big, but I don't mind if I knew what my intent was, or where all of this is going. Not being married, I wonder why I am here. I would really like for us to be connected in that way, of being family. Not marrying I would always feel that I am not totally linked, and I wonder if I would even be able to put into a relationship completely what I would if a formal commitment was in place. I don't know how to be a "partner", without marriage. His point of view is that he has been divorced and says he "can't marry me". At first it was because he is Catholic, and now who knows-I have asked him to elaborate but 2 weeks and nothing. I have written to Catholic priests and both say he can with certain considerations...I have not told him about writing the priests. His marriage was bad, the break up was worse. She has really done him over quite well, as she intended. He tells me every morning when we wake up "I love you darling....thank you God for sending this women into my life". He tells me thank you for all that you have done to be here with me. He tells me I am sexy, beautiful, cooks me dinner, is with me any time he is not at work-without being smoothering, asks for my opinon on issues. He says financially he wants to take care of me and build a future together. To keep going the way we have been. Maybe if I were from the same country and was established in work and all that life is I would not have the same type of concerns, however work is not the same here for me, I have had to put some of my normal activities on hold-such as volunteer work and have struggle with immigration to finally obtain permanent residency----which I paid for myself. I am having to learn really a new way of life. I first brought this up six months ago, thinking he wasn't ready I gave it a rest and time. I really don't want to leave, but ......................................

I dont think he'll ever marry you, and yes he is telling you the truth.

but can you live with knowing that its never going to be, for want of a better phrase, "the ultimate (married, that is)" relationship? For me, part of a relationship is the assumption in the bground that its a permanent thing, otherwise why would I bother working to build an emotional future with the other person? And at what point would you two know when to part..I dont know, seems a little unbearable.

If you want to be married someday-- shut the door. I'd still shut the door anyways.

To me, this would be a tough call. There are those who don't believe in the institution of marriage for their own reasons but are very capable of commitment and love.

This is actually very true. And it's something that is rarely discussed, acknowledged, etc. The general consensus seems to be that people who say they don't believe in marriage are actually commitment phobes, but again, some people have extremely strong beliefs that marriage is a legal formality forced upon us by society. And some folks really resent that.

I've been with my boyfriend for about five months, and he's one of the most honest, dependable, and loving people I've ever met in my life. But he has shared with me that he has similar feelings about marriage - he thinks it's an institution that is unnecessary and has nothing to do with a person's real intentions to commit. He feels that commitment is not about a piece of paper, it's about being there every day and sticking through the relationship no matter what.

Personally, I understand where he's coming from, but I still think formally marrying is a positive thing that kind of symbolizes your commitment. I guess he and I have differing opinions on the value of symbols. Anyway, at this early stage in our relationship, it's not an issue, but it could be down the road.

It's also a legal issue in some cases. It depends on the state and what its laws are about common law marriages and that sort of thing, but not being married can have legal impacts both during the relationship and down the road if anything happens to the relationship.