To those wanting death

There are so many people who have struggled to survive. There are so many who died and wanted to live. There are so many who would give anything to breathe in the air of summer mornings again but disease takes them away.

To the so many people who want to die- what right do you have?

If life is so meaningless to you, start living by your own rules

If life is so hard, take an easy stroll in the park to watch the skies

If you have no one, take a look at all the people who need YOU instead... or could if you reached out to them

Life is what we make it. You don't have to be bound by anything. Those lines were made for us to cross them, to break them, to break free and run

There is so much one can do to put meaning in their life.

1. Choose to feel happy even if you dont WANT to

2. Pretend you already have everything you need to be happy... because the irony in that is that you DO. You wont get more until you learn to use what you already have because everything you get from life, you get from God- they are not separate.

3. Imperfections are what perfect us. Love your imperfections yet know that they are anything but

4. Live for the moment. This is the hardest thing for everybody to do with all the standards of expectation said to lead to security.

If you want to commit suicide, give up. Give up- but no, i dont mean that in THAT way. Give up by stop slaving yourself to life's rules and realize that you live above it. You are made by an incredible God. You have a lifetime to explore but once you are gone, it wont matter how successful you are in certain areas of this life- how many hearts you touch does. If you commit suicide, you will not feel the oneness of GOd ever for you are disturbing the natural order of things.

This is the most dangerous thing anyone can do.

So what right do you have... when others have it worse... when you might have what others want... when the only way they can get that from you is if you give to them... you cant give yourself if you are dead. When you are dead, you are only taking yourself away.

Sometimes endless sleep seems enchanting, but with it comes less control than life gives you. You don't get the option of waking up again.

Enjoy this life. Dont take it so seriously. Stop placing pressure on yourself and teach yourself to love.

In the end, this is all that save us.

God bless.

And lastly, very important stories. They will CHANGE you.

The man with the pitchfork ran in circles. He was being chased by rabid squirrels. If he had a pitchfork... why didn't he kill them, you ask?... because a part of him knew... they weren't really there.

The toothless man waited. He watched. He wants to eat a carrot. But he cant... but he cant...

Serena like to sleep on people's lawns and sometimes even their cars especially in the middle of winter. When she was hungary, she would press her face against the window to scare the little children... not to eat them, mind you... but so the parents would throw steak at her to make her go away. Boy, she always got a full meal!

Like, there was this TOTALLY hot boy who was new at our school and like, my friends told me he was a TRANSFER student. This meant he had to have been from another country, like DUH. So I walked over to him and in a slow voice so he could understand me, I asked, "What.... country....are...you...from?" He answered: "Uh... Here." How stupid of me! He transferred schools, not countries! Like- oh mah gawd!

Baa! I'm a sheep! runs into the wall as she says this

I hope these stories have changed you and made you think twice about suicide.

That is all. Thank you.

For more help, here are some Notes to Self:

1. Try not to cough while drinking.

2. Never try to swim in a puddle. It just makes you look silly.

3. On second thought, swim in a puddle. Note peoples expressions.

4. They will live to regret this. Repeat this aloud as often as possible.

5. Smirk, as if you know something, from time to time. This will eventually cause people to tell you their secrets.

6. God is everywhere. This makes for a tough game of hide-and-seek.

7. Do not run with scissors stuck in your foot.

8. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

9. Breathing is a good way to avoid blacking out while driving.

10. In one study, laboratory rats died after 17 days without sleep. Learn from the mistakes of others.

So what do you say to those who do not believe in god? Honestly, if happiness were a choice for those who suffer from depression and bipolar disease, don't you think we would have chosen to be happy by now!? I choose to live for the chance that one day this burden will be lifted from me, yet 90% of the time, I would love to just let go and end it all. I'm absolutely * * * *ing miserable and there is nothing I can do to change it because I have tried everything. I cannot choose to just be happy all of a sudden or I would have a long long time ago. This is a curse that I have to live with, my advice to you, is to learn whatever you can about these diseases before you tell someone that "happiness is a choice". Puns like those do not help. Also if God is so great, why does he choose to let us live in misery? Don't get me wrong, I believe in him very much, but I question his motives on why I have to live with this.

when I'm depressed, I decide to take HAPPY actions. When you ACT happy, you THINK happy and if you do this enough, you ARE happy. The best way to do this for yourself, is by doing it for another.

Everything is a choice. They have names for every disorder but it all comes down to your emotional wellbeing and how self aware you are in order to get yourself help.

By the way, to those who dont believe in God, I say that I believe in God. Difference in opinion doesnt make me different from you. It just gives us more to talk about!

See your negative attitude here is a choice and fuels negativity in other areas as well. As for this "depression disease" I had it too since I was like even 5. Then one day recently I decided to stop playing this role and to make myself see what good is out there. With your words up there, you ARE pushing it away and I can even FEEl your anger. From your perspective comes everything else. What is in sight in your life depends on where you are looking.

My negative attitude? No, I don't have a neg. attitude, because if I did I would be dead already. I choose to live and deal with it. I don't care how happy you think, it doesn't take away the misery people are feeling. Of course I have mania, so tell me what do I do to make myself feel great after a mania episode? How do I prevent them? On my meds, they are not so bad, but without my meds, I'm absolutely crazy. I do things I cannopt control, and then the guilt from those actions makes my depression kick in.

If I could choose not to have mania and depression I would do so. Unfotunately it does not work that way.

God isn't suppose to chose for us how we are going to feel, he can touch our lives but not always in a way we think he would. i too have a depression issue, and nobody should have to live with it but it is just how things work out sometimes. there are many ways to go about it, whether it be by medication or therapy or just surrounding yourself with loved ones, just making a choice of how to do it and how your gonna fix yourself is great in itself. there is always a way to find a way out of that depression disease hole, or whatever may be wrong it just depends on how hard you are willing to try for things to feel better. if little sayings or what not work for someone then that is great don't put them down if it is helping them but not you, everyone is different and it will take different things for different people.

I'm not trying to pull her down for it, but she makes these diseases out to be some kind of joke, like its an act.

Your words have negativity written all over them. Having purpose in your life, no matter what condition you are living under, leads you to WANT to live. When you reach out to others.. say even children and have others relying on you- you WANT to live. It's a matter of placing yourself in these healthy situations.

My purpose in life is God. I get depressed from time to time, but I will never be LOST again. that's what I'm saying here. Bad times will never go- bad conditions wont- but who you are inside, your character- that determines more than anything else ever will in your life.

All for now- I have to go. Good luck to you. Try not to be so easily offended from now on. Instead of going against what I'm saying, add to it. In our words, we both have a ring of truth. See that

wasn't saying you were either, but perhaps explaining my own view

I'm not trying to pull her down for it, but she makes these diseases out to be some kind of joke, like its an act.

You are only seeing me how you want to. I'm saying that we live in an age of denial and constant at that. The more we ARE straying from God, the more human fears and difficultities we have.

You have two realities to choose from- take something out of my advice or blow the whole thing off. From what I can see, you have already chosen.

Leaving now- we'll be back another day to see any replies. Bye!

Ughhhh, im not really religious, I believe God is up there. But I dont believe there is anything after this life. Never will. I believe organized religion is a security people need to live their lives. Blue, if this is how you deal with your "darkness", then I am happy for you. I did not mean to attack you, it's just this post completely contradicted something I posted earlier in the week. I never tell anyone not to kill themselves. I'm pro-choice, I always tell them to do what they think is best because like you said, we all need to be self-aware and only we know our true selves. I don't agree with happiness being a choice, as I cannot choose to be happy no matter how hard I try. I can't pretend that I don't feel like crap. As a friend said to me "My happiness is a trip to the local CVS".

I am honored to be quoted

The fact is, someone who suffers from chronic depression.. or is a depressive episode of a bipolar swing, can no more "choose" to be happy than they may "choose" what sex they are. They can accept it and go on with life, and plod through the mucky-greyness and hope that things will get better. But they can not "feel" the hope... it's an intellectual hope. A purely mental game that they play with themselves in order to continue on with life and not just throw in the cards.

A normal person who feels down or blue or even has a bout of depression, can remember what it was like to "not" be depressed. They can actually feel the hope that comes with the knowledge that it is a temporary phase and that they will come through it. I didn't realize I had been depressed all my life until I was put on anti-depressants. It wasn't until I got my very first glimpse of normalcy that I can now hope. However, hope turned to fear when I went into a manic episode and didn't realize I was in a manic episode, for I had never experienced one. It's very odd that I didn;t get diagnosed with bipolar until my 30's. Most people experience episodes much earlier. Luckily, for now, I believe it is mild.

However, if you had visited the places that I have visited in my mind, you would realize that no amount of happy sayings will have any effect. I lived an utter hell for over a month. A full blown Paranoid-psychotic split. It was the scariest thing I have ever in my life experienced. The only way I was able to make it through was by trying to find people that I could trust (which is damn near impossible when you are paranoid) and asking them how much is real... and forcing yourself.. intellectualizing it... and letting go.

Now.. I'm back to my normal self. I'm not happy by any means. Hopefuly, I'll find a drug one of these days that lets me be happy like a normal person. At least one that lets me feel happy and doesn't destroy the ability to do things I like to do when I'm happy that is I am left with coping mechanisms. It what I use to stay alive and what I use to keep doing the things I need to do in order to support myself. And, for now, though I'm not happy... I'm at least not entirely unhappy.

Hmmm...I was told by more than one doctor that I likely had chronic depression. My mom thought so, too. But I always knew in my heart I was unhappy because I wasn't living up to what I knew I could do with my life. Now that I am well on the path to living and working how I always wanted to, I feel infinitely happier. The depression is gone. I haven't been on any kind of anti-depression medicine in over two years.

However, if you had visited the places that I have visited in my mind, you would realize that no amount of happy sayings will have any effect. I lived an utter hell for over a month. A full blown Paranoid-psychotic split. It was the scariest thing I have ever in my life experienced. The only way I was able to make it through was by trying to find people that I could trust (which is damn near impossible when you are paranoid) and asking them how much is real... and forcing yourself.. intellectualizing it... and letting go.

I just want to say, I am so glad you pulled through this. Thank God there were people there who could identify for you what was real and what wasn't. At any rate, it's impressive you pulled yourself through that, and look how much you help people here. That's something to be really happy about!

I think the hardest part for people who have not been 'there' is accepting that being chronically and acutely depressed ISN'T feeling down or unhappy, weepy or sad. It's a crippling illness of the mind. A mental disorder.

It's the fact that they HAVE tried, and fought this as hard as they possibly could but still CANNOT get out of it and feel like 'normal people' do which makes it even more depressing and even more hopeless. They see no way out. They spiral downwards while fighting their depression, fighting the suicidal thoughts as hard as they possibly can.

But Depression talks back! It tells them that THERE IS NO WAY OUT, but STILL they search. But it's been months, years now even and they just keep sinking lower and lower, deeper and deeper into their own mind and misery, and it becomes a constant battle of that mind and misery and if anything it just keeps getting worse. Every second of every day fighting and fighting that inner voice that tells them that 'you're gonna be here forever and there is no way out'. And then the inevitable happens....they start to believe it.

Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year they have fought, they sink deeper and deeper into their own mind where only their emotional pain and mental torture exist falling deeper and deeper into despair and STILL they fight pain and torture. But they can't go on fighting, it's impossible they think.

Eventually the Mind takes control and they know this, they start to plan a way out, just in case their Mind is telling the truth , they look back at themselves, the happy person they once were has gone forever and this 'Living Hell' is all there is to look forward to until they die. Hope leaves quietly and they lose their battle.

That is TRUE Depression and if you have not felt like that, maybe you are just down or unhappy,weepy or sad so you STILL have hope and should seek help BEFORE it gets to that stage.

And I would just like to say at this point, not to the poster as she is at a young age and was trying to make peope feel better about themselves and good for her! but I speak to those of you who have called Suicide cowardly and selfish....You DO NOT the right to call anyone a coward or selfish because you have not been 'there', you just do not understand.....I do not see how anyone who has fought SO hard could be considered to be selfish or cowardly after fighting such a massive and intense fight.. They did not want to die, they did not leave this world because they were cowardly or selfish, they fought a battle against a Mental Disorder that you do not understand and they fought FOR their life against their Mental Illness but tragically, their mind won.

I actually envy the folks who don't understand. It must be wonderful to feel in control of your feeings and be confident you'll never want to end your life. I also hope those people stay in that happy world and never feel the way I sometimes do. It makes life a bit less rosy when the monster comes to visit.

Yes unfortunately telling someone who has chronic depression to just "be happy" is a little bit like telling someone with a cancer to "just get better'.

Although it would be wonderful if the world worked liked that!!!

blue angle you are very wise but seriosly you really need to know more about what your preaching before you go shooting your mouth off.

blue angle you are very wise but seriosly you really need to know more about what your preaching before you go shooting your mouth off.

The human will is more powerful than any sickness to overcome us. I know you think I've never been there, but I suffered from depression all of my life. Trust me, I was very suicidal. Then, once I started learning about God and working at this summer camp as a Camp Conselour for little kids- who I truly could be and everything I truly was appeared to me. I havent been depressed since. My "chemical unbalance" is gone.

I'm not stupid. I know what you're all talking about. But underneath everything, it's the human will to survive that CAN pull us out of everything. I knew a person who had cancer and everyone was praying for her SO hard. She had unbelievable faith. Well, the doctor predicted she would get a big migraine one day and when she did, she would most likely not make the night. She got it, but believing in God as she did, she didn't die and the next time she went in to see the doctor, the tumor in her brain was completely gone. Because that day, her pastor said to her father, "let's just treat this as a normal headeach and give her an aspirin and let God heal her as we know he will."

It takes faith. On the outside, you may not understand that, but if you were me in my soul, you would. I ONLY speak from experience. It only applies to you if you try- really try to change around your LIFE. How you relate to others and most of all to God. Change your atmosphere to change how you feel in certain places. Make yourself ACT and TALK positively. Soon this role will become One with who you are and it wont be so hard anymore to BE it.

We have everything we need inside of us to make us better. It all centers around a peace of mind and one cant have that if they dont know what life is about. If they dont try to look outside their own life and see others around them and what they could do to make life better. There is always a way. There is never a reason to give up. There's always something you can do.

That is what I am saying

Blue angel,

I think all of what you say is a great sentiment and I know you mean it.

I ONLY speak from experience.

That is fine. Depression can come and go as it seems to have done in your case which is fantastic. And some malignant cancers have been known to just "go away' which is also fantastic for the sufferer. But understand it is the exception, not the rule. Do you really think that if the answer was to simply give a person suffering a malignant cancer a headache pill and 10 Hail Marys that we would have so many people dying of brain tumors.

Don't you expect that 99% of people who are suffering a terminal disease do not pray to their God day and night. Do not do everything in their willpower and attitude to fight to the death?

And to me this is the problem with what you are saying. Those people in that position...it is a demeaning to hear someone say "it's all in the mind". They are fighting for life with everything they know how to and they hear someone say "well if you would just think positively it will get better"

Unfortunately for millions of people, no it won't.

It is the same with depression. How infuriating must it be for people suffering clinical depression to hear someone say "if you just have happy thoughts and pray to God you will be all right". It is demeaning their suffering.

I do understand your sentiment. But think about how sufferers may feel when someone says "it's all in your mind". Fact is it's not. There are physiological reasons people have clinical depression and cancers.

I've dealt with depression for years and understand the various levels of debilitation. I once attended group sessions on Fridays with other blue people and stopped because I came to dread the tales of seriously impaired depressives. They would cry and hug themselves while begging for an end to the misery. It made my weekends a time to recover from their sadness, not mine.

I was once in a mental hospital with people who weren't allowed to shave or use a pencil without supervision, lest they kill themselves.

My level of impairment is quite mild these days, but I'll never forget my deepest lows or the profound despair others have shared with me.

I don't have the answers, but I try to ask questions. It works for me.