I'm such a

My Girlfriend of 3 years just broke it off.

We have been living together for 9 months.

I was not showing her much love at all and we argued about stupid stuff all the time.

I was still holding grudges from a year ago when she was sleeping with another guy after we had different break.

I fought hard to get her back, and after months of pain I succeeded.

So anyway, after we got back together she moved in with me.

Because of the past, I guess I was scared to get hurt again and kept her at a distance.

Well she got tired of me not showing her any love and she decided to move out and live with her girlfriend. (I really didn't blame her)

She was so upset, crying.

The next day I called her and she came over and we had the most intimate time together in months! It was really great!

We talked about her moving back in.

3 weeks have gone by and 1.5 of those weeks she was out of town.

She went skiing with some friends from work.

Turns out one friend was a guy she had gone on a few dates with during the time she had moved out.

Since then she has been mad at me for not calling her as much as I should and showing I care.

Well, I admit all my faults.

But, give me a break, she goes out with some guy a few times and is mad because I didn't call as many times as she would have liked???

Well, apparently she isnt seeing this guy at all now.

So 3 days ago, the day before my B-day she says she wants to break up.

I tell her I was sorry for how I have acted and told her why I kept her at a distance.

I told her I loved her and I made a huge mistake and really regret it.

She was crying and was surprised to hear me say I loved her.

We ended up spending the whole day together, it was nice.

The next day was my B-day.

She comes over, turns on my PC and buys tickets for us to go to a comedy show in March.

I figure, this is great! She's planning things for next month, we're gonna be OK!

We spend the whole day together and go to my parents for my B-day dinner.

We get back to my house and she says she just want to be with her girlfriends and doesn't want to have a relationship with me anymore.

Well, then why the hell is she buying tickets for a show next month?? LOL

So today I said that I don't think going to a show together is a good idea and wondered why she did that if she doesnt want to be together anymore.

She said it was my B-day present and thought if we were still friends we would go.

I just hate that I was so stupid not to love her while she was here.

Now I wish so badly she was back.

I am such an idiot!!!

What the hell is wrong with me???

What can I do???

Oh man, this reminds me so much of my last relationship...and in hindsight...it was a disaster...

Bro, it sure sounds like you have been taking all the blame here and this thing is all about her. What about her? What has she done to help you out? What has she done to be a good teammate in this relationship? What has she done for you lately...besides breaking up with you like this and seeing other guys? You fought so hard for her, has she fought for you too?

What the hell is wrong with you? You bit the apple and let this woman use you. I've been there...too many times...

What can you do? She's beaten you down emotionally, I can tell from your post. She's no good man...you're better off without her...trust me on this one...walk away and don't look back...take charge of yourself...

Oh man, this reminds me so much of my last relationship...and in hindsight...it was a disaster...

 

Bro, it sure sounds like you have been taking all the blame here and this thing is all about her. What about her? What has she done to help you out? What has she done for you lately...besides breaking up with you like this and seeing other guys? You fought so hard for her, has she fought for you too?

 

What the hell is wrong with you? You bit the apple and let this woman use you. I've been there...too many times...

 

What can you do? She's beaten you down emotionally, I can tell from your post. She's no good man...you're better off without her...trust me on this one...walk away and don't look back...take charge of yourself...

Perhaps, i need to clarify....

She went on a few dates AFTER she moved out 3 weeks ago.

Anyhow, she wanted to be with me constantly the last 9 months.

I was just stil mad about the past.

I should have been more of an adult about it and "forgive and forget".

Well, now it feels like it's too late.

She gave me my chance an I blew it.

She seemed happy that I told and showed her how much she means to me but it hasn't brought her back.

Instead, she says that it almost makes her mad at me.

Well, she wanted to be with me constantly the last 9 months.

I was just stil mad about the past.

I should have been more of an adult about it and forgive and forget.

Well, now it feels like it's to late.

She gave me my chance an I blew it

I don't get this from your original post. I really don't think this is your fault. I think it's more about her...

I don't get this from your original post. I really don't think this is your fault. I think it's more about her...

why do you think this

why do you think this

From your original post:

"Well she got tired of me not showing her any love and she decided to move out and live with her girlfriend." What did she do to help this situation? Did she make an effort to help things or just leave you?

"Since then she has been mad at me for not calling her as much as I should and showing I care." What has she done? Has she called you a lot? Did put effort in to make this work too? Or just b**ch about it?

"I fought hard to get her back, and after months of pain I succeeded." What about her? Was she suffering too? Was she in pain? Was she trying too? Or just sitting back letting you come to her?

"We get back to my house and she says she just want to be with her girlfriends and doesn't want to have a relationship with me anymore." After all the heartache and good times around your birthday, and she says this to you?

Those are some points...

I also think it always takes two to make a relationship work, and I guarantee you she was not perfect herself. It is normal to beat yourself up and blame yourself after a break up...even if it isn't justified...

I also think that subconsciously, you weren't expressing as much love to her for a very valid reason. Maybe your actions spoke a deeper truth about your feelings on the relationship? Just a thought...

You sound alot like my ex. Kept me at a distance, afraid to show love, afraid to get love. He was afraid of being hurt. Although he was alot more harsh than you were, I can see why she left. I couldn't take it anymore, it was too straining. I know where she's coming from. At least you can admit your faults. I would just tell her what you've told all of us. If my ex said all that, I'd be back with him in a heartbeat. Ok maybe not, he was an a**, but ya know...lol

Yes, she made many efforts.

And she has been hurt for the past 9 months of me not showing her much love.

I think you're right about that last one though!

I was always scared of loving her for the fear that I might not be right for me.

She can be very naive too.

Many of her actions scare me and I just didn't want to get too caught up in her a get myslelf involved with a bad woman.

You sound alot like my ex. Kept me at a distance, afraid to show love, afraid to get love. He was afraid of being hurt. Although he was alot more harsh than you were, I can see why she left. I couldn't take it anymore, it was too straining. I know where she's coming from. At least you can admit your faults. I would just tell her what you've told all of us. If my ex said all that, I'd be back with him in a heartbeat. Ok maybe not, he was an a**, but ya know...lol

Well I did tell her, and she hasn't taken me back.

Should I pursue her more, and prove I love her?

or, move on cause she really doesn't want to be together?

Just 1 week ago she was all over me.

I can't believe the last few days changed so much.

Many of her actions scare me and I just didn't want to get too caught up in her a get myslelf involved with a bad woman.

I'd walk away with this memory right here...

There are many, many women out there that won't make you feel this way...

I'd walk away with this memory right here...

 

There are many, many women out there that won't make you feel this way...

Thanks man!

You are so right!

I actually feel kinda better right now after reading that.

Markm, You and I sound like we are in similiar situations. My 3 yr relationship just broke up (Dec 28th). We had broken up a year and a half ago for about 5 months. We both dated other people, but when we got back together, he never let me forget it. Please, he still brings it up now, and we have been broken up for the last 7 weeks.

I kind of understand where your girl is coming from, but she did the whole break up, b-day, ticket thing wrong. If my ex bf showed half the remorse you're feeling now, I would most likely be back with him in a heartbeat. He is a jerk....and a whole bunch of other bad words that I'll keep to myself...lol. Don't be down on yourself, we all learn from our mistakes. Do NC and maybe she'll realize that she misses you or maybe you'll just heal yourself.

ps. Friscodj is just looking out for you, he doesn't like to see that you're down

I was thinking of going over tonight and see her.

I know it breaks all the rules around here but....

The last time we broke up she lived in Denver while I was in Arizona.

I begged her to let me fly up and see her, and she always said no.

Finally, I bought tickets and told her I was coming anyway.

She was so pissed!

Well, I flew up to see her for a few days.

The instant I got home, she calls me up and thanked me so much for coming to see her and we got back together.

It's on U, homie...it's your call.

-Solo34

Markm, My advice is don't do it, but I know you'll do what you want. If you do go over, I wish you lots luck and hope that you get the results you want.

Nathalie

ps. Friscodj is just looking out for you, he doesn't like to see that you're down

Thanks for the words Nathalie. I really think it's common for people to be too hard on themselves after break-ups and I think markm is being too hard on himself too. I don't think his lady was a saint and I am trying to bring that out.

Markm, My advice is don't do it, but I know you'll do want you want. If you do go over, I wish you lots luck and hope that you get the results you want.

 

Nathalie

i just dont think that i have anything to lose.

She seems to respond when I show my feelings rather than ignore her.

I basically ignored her for 9 months, thats why shes pissed in the 1st place.

Thanks for the words Nathalie. I really think it's common for people to be too hard on themselves after break-ups and I think markm is being too hard on himself too. I don't think his lady was a saint and I am trying to bring that out.

I know frisco, sometimes when it comes to someone we love we leave the rose colored glasses on and forget the 3D horror show it was when we were in it. I constantly have to remind myself that the breakup is not all my fault (although I would like to point out that 95% of it really was his fault...lol )

Well, homie....let's say U do get her back, are U going 2 be all closed up like Fort Knox with your love 4 her? Are U going 2 not let the past be the past instead of living in the now and loving her in the now? U have 2 understand that no matter how much it hurts that she had sex with another man, she was NOT with U. U can't think that she did that 2 hurt U, because U weren't hers at the time, and she was NOT yours at the time, either. U can't punish someone 4 the past when U were no part of it...just love her in the NOW, 4give the past, and love her 4 the future as well. Love NOW, and grow 2gether 4 a healthy FUTURE!! Tell her these things when U go 2 her 2nite...but ONLY if in fact U TRULY feel this way and MEAN it. I'ma tell U right now, women can see through bullsh*t like a piece of newly polished glass...

Good luck, man.

-Solo34

I did this on Tuesday mate, fly into my ex's city. I got broken up on the saturday over MSN - felt like I just HAD to see him. If you do go, make sure you are prepared for the worst... I think thats really important that you play devils advocate. I am glad I went because it made me realise that its gonna take a lot longer than a few days for either me to get over him, or for him to decide he wants to work through things.

At the end of the day, its your decision that counts and you know the situation best in your heart. But do consider the worst,... I remember reading here "if you do nothing, you can do nothing wrong." She will only miss you if you AREN'T there.

i just dont think that i have anything to lose.

She seems to respond when I show my feelings rather than ignore her.

I basically ignored her for 9 months, thats why shes pissed in the 1st place.

What happens if she doesn't respond to your attention?? Won't you feel worse??

Sorry just playing devil's advocate...I want to be sure that you look at all possible outcomes....

I think thats really important that you play devils advocate.

Great minds think alike.....

keep my story about our first breakup in mind.

If I had not flown up to Denver to see her, it would have been over long ago.

Great minds think alike.....

The problem with playing devils advocate is that it does take up an incredible amount of thinking and resources in one's mind. Or at least how that is for me, I spend so long agonizing over the possibilities I nearly loose what I was thinking about in the first place and end up with a headache!

keep my story about our first breakup in mind.

If I had not flown up to Denver to see her, it would have been over long ago.

Or would it? She left you, are you possibly not just reinforcing that behaviour by following? Maybe she will really learn the value of your companionship and love when she see's you aren't there...

I went through this on Tuesday myself, and ended up flying. Cost a fortune, lost a contract, I didn't really gain anything.