Can't stop missing my grandmother -PLEASE HELP WITH ADVICE

Hello,

Does anyone know when grief subsides or at least doesn't feel so strong? My grandmother whom I was very close to passed away one year on Tuesday. I thought I would go visit her grave today and I just cried and cried and cried. I feel so lost and sad. I know she is in a better place because the last couple months she was alive were hard on her.

I think about her every day at least a handful of times. I still catch myself that I am going to call her or I think "I gotta tell her about this" or " She would like to try this." This has been a major blow to me for she was my most trusted confidant. I knew if I were having a bad day or just wanted to feel comfortable I could go to her house and just relax. We talked all the time on the phone and if I hadn't called in a few days I knew she would call to see if I was alright.

I miss her terribly and everytime I do talk about her I can't stop from crying. When I was little I told her if she dies that she would need to see me and visit. I haven't seen her yet. She has only been in my dreams about 2 times since she passed and I was hoping that she would come to me in my dreams.

How long does it take for a person to stop the painful feeling of grief?

If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.

Thanks

Hi honey - My dad died 15 years ago, and the pain is still incredible. I think that some losses are so profound, the pain doesn't ever really go away. At least, that's the conclusion I've come to after 15 years.

Sorry. I don't think that helps any

i lost my granny a few years back too and i was really close to her too so i know how you feel.

i found this...

Getting Over a Loss

Grieving takes courage, stamina, and patience. It’s a process that takes time, but there are things you can do to help it along. Honor your feelings. Specific stages mark the process; they recur and flow into one another:

Shock/denial

Anger, Sadness, Anxiety/depression

acceptance/moving on

Accept them as normal.

Take good care of yourself.

Grief is stressful.

Get regular checkups.

Go for a massage.

Eat well.

Since sleep may be disrupted, look for restful moments you can give yourself. Acknowledge the fatigue. Be patient. Letting go is hard work. Let yourself cry. Crying supports your immune system. Tears soften hard feelings, loosen tight places, and open the heart to tenderness. Get close to people. Death tears you from roots, safety, and belonging. Share your feelings and your love. Ask for what you need. If you feel isolated and have no friends or family nearby, join a support group. Being connected to others easer the loneliness. Recognize that loss changes relationships. Families are organic systems, and people have roles in those systems. If you lose a parent, look to see who’s now filling the role. Try to discuss thee shifts. If you’re a widow, some friendships may go. Some couples may no longer feel comfortable around you. Nurture the friendships that work, and let go of those that don’t pursue a dream. Perhaps you always wanted to sing but never took the time. Now’s your chance. Join a choir. You’ll meet new people and discover other sides of yourself. Self-confidence blooms when you take a risk. Exercise. Dance, aerobics, sports, or martial arts relieves stress, lifts depression, and improves your body image. Pick something you enjoy, and savor your sense of well being. Honor your loved one. Make a special scrapbook. Dedicate a fund. Set up a memorial. Think about the essense of that person and how he/she would like to be remembered. Acknowledging your past affirms your love. Minimize bitterness, jealousy, or self-pity. These emotions will spa your strength, weaken your coping skills, and feed depression. Choose to view grief as a teacher. The pain of grief pushes us to grow. If we see it as a challenge, we can use it to deepen our lives. Grief can reveal hidden resources of resilience, compassion, and generosity. Facing it can free us from fear. Help others. Turn from your own problems by giving to other people. Within six blocks of your home there are people who need you. You’ll find satisfaction and new connection to community. Use professional services. If you feel chronically overwhelmed. Paralyzed by your feelings, or numb, find a grief counselor or psychologist who can guide you through the transition. Seek inspiration. Turn to nature, the arts, things spiritual. Mountains and oceans remind us that life is bordered by death and that much of life is about surrender. Music and dance nurture the unspoken yearnings of the soul. Silence, meditation, or prayer brings solace. Now is the time to live, one day at a time. One moment at a time. One breath at a time.

hope it helps

Does anyone know when grief subsides or at least doesn't feel so strong?

 

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How long does it take for a person to stop the painful feeling of grief?

Very sorry for your loss and your pain. Grief like this isn't something that has a specific time limit. What's the right amount of time or intensity of pain for you won't be the same in other people's cases. And a year really isn't all that long when grieving for someone you've been very close to. And it's also not unusual for it to hit you by surprise a year later, feeling as fresh as if it just happened. It will probably continue to hurt for a while, but hopefully you can eventually accept the tears and pain in a way so they don't overwhelm you completely.

Aporia's post is also very good advice. It's a good idea to do some things to help yourself move through the process of grieving. And most of all, just accept that the tears are still part of that overall process. IOW, like it's stated in Aporia's post, "honor your feelings."

All the best.

i am so sorry you have to feel this way. if you have read my posts... u have seen that i am going to loose my grandmother very soon in a painful way.

the way that ive felt for the lasst 5 ytrs with my father is so painful... and now to think about my grandma. i cry every night. and to see my mom sad hurts even more.

my grandma doesnt even talk anymore. i think she wants to be at peace. shes ready to die.

i cant tell you to stop feeling sad. i cant tell you the answers. i do know though... that if you love her as much as i love my grandmother. that i feel your pain.

i feel so much for you. i go on these sites and look for answers. but the best answer that i can give you is.... think about her all you want. dream about her all you want...feel her all you want... see her all you want... she knows your there. shes watching u...

she doesnt want you in pain. she wants u to know that shes ok now. shes not hurting anymore. shes probably up there with her mother or loved one.

your just like me... your not ever going to stop thinking about her...

and for that.... thank yourself...

Dont Listen to anyone who says "get over it, let it go".... you loved her...you LOVE HER... and the only way your going to ease up on yourself. is for u to realize....she is watching you, she loves you....

shes watching you right now...

Elektra, I realize you wrote this post some time ago, but I just now discovered it. I got tears in my eyes reading it, thinking about what a wonderful granddaughter you must have been to her. Your love and admiration for your grandmother shone through every word in your post. You know, a lot of grand-parents would be thrilled to have such love and devotion from their grandkids. How lucky your grandmother was to have you.

I am sorry you have lost your closest confident. Please know we're always here for you on eNotalone to offer you comfort, support, and feedback whenever a difficult situation comes up in your life.