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Thread: Doesn't want children?

  1. #1
    Unknown123
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    Doesn't want children?

    Yeah, so I assume this is the correct place to post this. Basically I'm in a relationship with this girl, and we both love each other, but we've recently discussing having children. I want her to be open to having children as I'm quite sure I'll want children some time in the future. She hates children, but she's told me she'll pretend to love the child if it will make me happy. Now, I don't want to have a child with her if she won't really love it, but she doesn't understand what the problem is - she seems to think it makes no difference as long as she pretends to love it. I've tried explaining it to her, but to no avail. Any advice on what I should do? I can't have a child with her if she doesn't really want one, but I'm sure I'll want a child eventually.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    RayKay
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    How old are you, and how long have you been together?

    That was a rather horrid thing for her to say - there are many people whom don't like other people's kids much, but would never say they would "pretend to love their child". Loving a child is not something you "learn" or "pretend" to do. That seems off to me...also seems off she would "give in" to keep you happy.

    I would question what her beliefs about LOVE are, if she believes "pretending to love" is the same as "genuine love".

    There are lots of people whom feel that way for life, and never want them, and some whom end up wanting them when they meet the right person or grow a bit older. Neither is wrong, but it would be wrong to force someone to change their mind.

    You are right, you cannot have children with someone whom does not want them, personally for me this issue would be a dealbreaker, one of you would have to give up your dreams, and that would be unfair and cause resentment. And to bring a child into an environment where the mother "would pretend to love" is awful.
    Last edited by RayKay; 02-08-2006 at 06:47 PM.

  3. #3
    xprincessbugx
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    This does not sound like the type of person you wnat to have kids with. You can't pretend to love a child because she really won't love it and you'll be stuck with it most of the time. It would really cause a lot of problems in the relationship and she might resent it or resent you too. I wouldn't have a kid with this woman because it's just not something she wants and it will lead to further problems.

  4. #4
    Dako
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    If kids mean a lot to you, you should find an enthusiastic mother-to-be.
    I didn't want kids, and married a woman who felt the same.

  5. #5
    fantasia2004
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    I am afraid to have kids because
    one- shallow reasons ruining my body and

    two- financial reasons.
    I cannot take care of someone else unless I can take care of me first.

  6. #6
    PrincessLinzay
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    Yikes!

    My response kind of depends on your age (that you're a little older) and how soon you're considering children (2-5 years from now), but I'll throw it out there.

    As children are a major part of a relationship, if you truly want them, I would say the two of you are not compatible.

    Many people don't think of something such as wanting children as an issue now, but it later becomes a big problem. The person who wants children thinks that the other will change their mind given time, and if they don't, it's a breeding ground for resentment.

    For me personally, I couldn't imagine sharing my life with someone who would make a statement like "I will pretend to love my child". Better to just say that you don't want a child altogether. It would be really unfair to that child to be born of a parent who will only "pretend" to love it and is secretly resenting it. I don't think I could look at my partner the same way after saying something like that. Of course that's me personally.

    Now of course, my advice would be different if you two are pretty young and in a comparitively new relationship. There was a point when I was younger that I thought I "hated kids" and never wanted one. Now I've just given birth to my own daughter and couldn't imagine being without her. Many thoughts and opinions change as you get older, kids can definitely be one of them.

    So there it is, lol. All only my opinions of course.

  7. #7
    fishrrshortae
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    sorry, but what kind of person says they'll "pretend to love someone" to make you happy? she sounds like a nut.

  8. #8
    fantasia2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishrrshortae
    sorry, but what kind of person says they'll "pretend to love someone" to make you happy? she sounds like a nut.
    Oh my God! That is so funny hearing that well reading that instead.
    God I almost peed in my pants and laughed out loud in my computer class!

  9. #9
    ocrob
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    I am guessing that if she had a child, then she would love it. I can relate with not wanting children, but I really think they are cute. How long have you been going out? My ex was adimant about not having children and then got engaged to a guy with a three year old. After they broke up, she said that if she met the right guy she would have children. I think certain women are very maternal and others are not. If you are both very serious and marriage is on the horizon, then this may be a good time to rethink things. If the relationship is newer, then maybe it is not an issue. People do change their minds, but if you are absolutely sure you want children and she may not, then that is certainly an issue.

  10. #10
    BellaDonna
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    She hates children, but she's told me she'll pretend to love the child if it will make me happy
    sorry, but what kind of person says they'll "pretend to love someone" to make you happy? she sounds like a nut



    Either that or she's about 15 years-old or so- and trying to live out the plot of some soap-opera or TV show she has seen. Regardless of her age- that statement is very immature- to me the immaturity of it is even worse then her cynical views about children. That should be a red flag right there...

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