How to get your lover back book - by blase harris - anyone read this?

I just bought this book, NOT to get my ex back as i am sure she doesn't want me back. i bought it because it gives some insight on how to react, what to do, etc, if you run into your ex. plus i got it for some entertainment value.

i have a problem with one of the chapters though, chapter 7 "How to get back in touch" - the author actually SUGGESTS to send letters, flowers, etc. and he even goes as far as saying to send cards for birthdays, xmas, even GIFTS! but he says to keep it short. there are more details in this chapter but i mean, ****?

he end's the chapter by saying "...any of all of these can, depending on your circumstances, be used to reestablish and maintain contact. Any communication that touches your ex lover w/o applying pressure brings you one step closer to getting your lover back." - hmm, i don't know about this.

i am not so sure this book is that great.

has anyone else read it and used the techniques? did it actually work??

opinions appreciated. i am taking this book with a grain of salt.

I love the book, and I'm putting many of the principles into practice, but there are others on the forum who don't feel the same way. I love the two basic rules: At all times honor and respect yourself, and Love your ex 100%. I like the simple prescriptions in the back of the book. I like the stories. I like the "avoiding common mistakes" section. It just makes me feel better all the way around, and more than anything it helps me to hear his advice to "calm down, relax."

I have read it in the past, not very seriously though as a friend lent it to me and I was not too impressed.

I think what he recommends it works in VERY limited situations...like where you did NOT treat your partner very fairly or respectfully in the first place. Where you took them for granted or were cruel.

Honestly, most of the time, all that "loving them more and sending gifts does"...is build your expectations and make THEM feel the pressure and put you in a position of getting hurt and strung along. I think the "honor and respect" yourself goes against some of the other things he recommends you do. I don't think it's "respecting yourself" to stick around while they "test the waters".

Most people end things because they are truly DONE. They just feel done. The only reason people come back is because they truly want to, when they sorted it out in their mind.

How many people does he claim have got back together as a result of reading his book?

And of those, how many would have got back together anyway even if they not read it?

You asked if it worked. Well, for me, it looks like it is at least keeping the ex interested in me and in my life. I did two weeks of no contact, but only after writing a nice, accepting, loving letter that left it up to him to contact me. I did say that I would like to see him and that I expected only kindness and respect from him (in other words, no commitment). He contacted me, and I am trying to keep every contact pleasant. I took him three roses at work today, and he ended up asking me out for tomorrow night and even said he might go with me to visit my daughter next weekend, which would mean we'd spend the whole weekend together.

I have an idea! photo copy the book or scan it into your computer , and then send it to me LOL

There's a book for everthing. Palmistry, phrenology, no money down....

I think why the advice differs from what people say on here, is the primary focus on here is getting over things, not getting them back. Who wants to buy someone back?

Turning it around, if I broke up with someone, and they started showering me with gifts, I would feel guilty as heck. If I did get back with them, it would be because of the guilt, not because I realized, on my own, that I really wanted them. That just dooms the second round to yet another level of issues to deal with.

However, emails, or even cards for holidays and such... hmm... who knows.

I liked the book. You have to remember that everyone's situation is different.

If you neglected your lover, and they left. What would that do for your relationship if you went NC, in effect continuing to neglect them and they came back to you? That doesn't say too much for the self respect of the dumper.

There are some good practices in the book, and the quizzes are a good reality check. The author pushes the selfless 100% love concept because most people in a breakup situation are not empathetic of the other. The concept gets you out of your own skin and neediness and makes you think about how your ex-lover might be interpuretting your actions towards them.

I purchased this book. I can't wait to read it! He seems so far gone though.

I purchased and read this book. It doesn't tell you how to manipulate or do anything wrong to your ex. Let them know that you do want them back, but you aren't going to stop dating or end your life waiting on them. This sends a strong message. I told my ex this and he was like fine I'll even help you find a new boyfriend. I did start to date someone and my ex tried so hard to come back, but I had moved on in my heart/spirit and did not want to go back. I would recommend this book to anyone. It has great lessons for dealing with relationships on a very mature level.

It doesn't tell you how to manipulate or do anything wrong to your ex. Let them know that you do want them back, but you aren't going to stop dating or end your life waiting on them. This sends a strong message.

That's the kind of message I was hoping to hear, 100% self-respect and lay it all on the table. If it works everybody understands the situation, if it doesn't you made an honest effort and can go on with your life and feel good about it.

I purchased and read this book. It doesn't tell you how to manipulate or do anything wrong to your ex. Let them know that you do want them back, but you aren't going to stop dating or end your life waiting on them. This sends a strong message. I told my ex this and he was like fine I'll even help you find a new boyfriend. I did start to date someone and my ex tried so hard to come back, but I had moved on in my heart/spirit and did not want to go back. I would recommend this book to anyone. It has great lessons for dealing with relationships on a very mature level.

Same hapened to me. Asked me back about 1-1,5 year after breaking up with me and refusing contact. He cried but I didn't feel sorry anymore after being hurt that long.