The Death of a Friend - a Murder Unsolved

Note from avman,

I decided to tack this thread up as I have uncovered much more details on the domestic violence that precipitated this murder. I do this so that anyone out there who is in an abusive relationship can read the story of my friend and that some good may come out of all this. If you are being abused, please get away from this person. Don't end up like my friend. I cared about her very much and would do anything to bring her back. But it is not too late for you.

Hello friends,

I don't usually post asking for help and support but something has happened to me today and I am having a lot of trouble absorbing it.

Today I received a letter from a high school friend. I have not spoken to her for many years, but we got along very well back in high school. She wrote to me and several others to let us know that something tragic happened to another woman I used to be very close friends with back in high school and early college years. I have not seen or spoken to her in 20 years but I always cared about her and wanted the best for her in life. Over the years all of us lost touch but we still care about each other deep down.

The letter says that in 1997 my friend was murdered. Beaten, throat slashed, and left to die. Her husband was suspected, but there was never sufficient evidence to charge him or anyone else. So to this day the murder remains unsolved.

Compounding this tragedy is the fact that she had a young daughter at the time. Only 2 years old. She does not remember her mother. Her grandparents fought a custody battle for her and won, so she has been raised by them and is nearly 12 now.

The letter goes on to say that the group is setting up a little college fund for her daughter and asks all of us to send in photos, memories, letters, and of course money to fund this. And I certainly intend to participate.

I am just a jumble of emotions right now. All the memories from the past are flooding in and I'm hurt, angry, sad, lost, and a million other things that I can't find words to express. Eventually this will pass but I'm finding it so hard to absorb this right now. This happened years ago but all of us are just finding out now. And I can't believe someone as sweet and loving as my friend met such a terrible end. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I don't know what I'm asking for. Maybe I'm just writing this so her memory stays alive. She was the one I turned to back then when a relationship didn't work out, or I was stressed from classwork, or needed a female point of view on something. And suddenly I miss her terribly even though I haven't had her in my life for 20 years. I just wish I could tell her one last time how much she meant to me. And that I could get my hands on the person who did this to her and make them pay for what they have done.

You just did tell her how you feel, movingly and simply. And as long as you and others remember her with love and affection her memory will indeed stay alive.

What a horrible thing to happen to her and how horrible that you found out this way.

I hope that by helping her daughter you will feel you are also helping her and that it may ease the grief a little.

I am so sorry this has happened.

im terribly sorry for you loss.

i lost a friend to a bar fight several years ago. i hadnt seen him in years but oh my god did that hurt. he was my first close friend that died. i cried literally everyday for a year. i understand that frustration that goes with losing someone that you thought so highly of and you didnt get the chance to say anything nice to them before they left so abruptly.

im glad you get the opportunity to give something to the daughter. that sounds very healing. i hope you have friends near you that you can vent to. that also helped. i know there's nothing they can really do...but just someone listening to your frustration with a sympathetic ear does help.

hang in there avman. take care.

Wow - this is tragic. And they didn't say anything until now? I think the photos and memories are a great idea. Maybe you can call the daughter sometime and let her know if she ever wants to talk about her mom, that you'll do it.

Wow - that is... so strange and disconcerting.

I'm sorry!

Hi Avman,

Wow. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must feel right now.

Last year a very good friend of mine from high school and college committed suicide, and I had alot of trouble dealing with that too. It's difficult to lose a friend who is so young, and a mother of a young child, and in such a brutal way.

Maybe writing a "letter" to her, telling her how you feel and what you would say to her if you knew she would hear you would help.

If there is anything that I can do, please let me know.

The group only found out recently. We had all lost touch as people do and the red flag was that she didn't RSVP or show up to the 20 year reunion they had a couple of months ago. So that triggered some people to start asking questions and searching.

The news is fresh for all of us even though it happened years ago. We haven't had our chance to grieve until now.

Hello Avman,

I would like to say I am so so very sorry for the loss of your friend. Even though it was many years ago, I am sure that just now finding out makes it feel as though it just happened. No doubt you emotions are jumbled and a mess right now.

She was obviously a very special friend to you all those years ago. It horrible I know for you to imagine her going through such a tragic end to her life. Hopefully participating in the efforts for setting up a fund for her childs education, and sending letters ,photos, or personal memories of your friend will be healing for you.

I hope that her daughter is well . She doesnt remember her mother as you said, but every letter, photo and memory that you all send in will be something I am sure she will cherish more and more as the years go by. Again I sympathize with your loss.

Av, I too am so sorry to hear about this. What a terrible piece of news. You read about these things, but never expect someone you knew very well to have this happen to them and you must be in absolute shock right now.

I wish there was something I could say that would help you deal with this, but I know it's going to take time for you to come to terms with what's happened. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this, you know. People do fall out of touch, it's just the way we are. And even if you'd stayed in touch with her, you can't prevent something awful from happening to someone unless you're with them every minute of the day and not even then.

I am so glad you will have a chance to do something for her daughter. How caring you and your friends are to think of doing this!

On a side note, I truly hope anyone who is in an abusive relationship reads this thread. It is tragic that your friend died - but your post might convince someone who is in a dangerous relationship to make the decision to leave it. And save their own life in the process.

Avman, my support and prayers are with you. PM me if you ever need to.

Hello friend,

It has been many moons since I've posted on this site. Though I seldomly log on and post, I still come here occasionally for solitude and help.....anonymously.

I wish you only knew how much you've helped me during my times of trouble. I just happened to log on tonight to find your post. I feel there is nothing I can say to relate or help you with the feelings you have. I basically am posting now to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

I'm deeply saddened by the story and am lost for words.

I write now to let you know that you and your friend will be in my thoughts.

Please take care my old friend..........

Gee Avman, that is horrible. I know that plenty of people have given you advice on your own feelings and the welfare of her daughter, but is there any way you and your friends can get her case re-opened? The second most tragic thing about this story is that the offender was never found.

Thank you all for your kind words. I don't know what else to say except I truly appreciate your support and understanding. I have never had anything like this happen before so I'm just having a lot of trouble coming to terms with this.

mgirl, I really doubt there is anything I can do to get her case re-opened. I know nothing about the details of the investigation and I certainly don't have any new leads for them to look toward to solve things. But thank you for your words. I can only hope and pray that someday the person responsible will be brought to justice.

It must have been a huge shock to hear this Avman. Look after yourself and do what you need to do.

Avman...please accept my deepest condolences.

All I can say right now that might be of ANY comfort, is that there is NO statute of limitations on murder...so someday, somehow..SOMEONE will pay for this. God willing.

Take care of yourself...

OMG Avman!

Words cannot take away the pain for your loss. I can only say that I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a friend is never easy especially when it was by the hands of another person.

Hang in there!

-Hub

Here are some details I have found on the case. I post this now in the hopes that anyone who might be in an abusive relationship will see this and take action to leave. Please don't wait. It is too late for my friend, but it is not too late for you.

This story excerpt is from the Detroit Free Press:

...

Like Unger, Daniel Pittao, now 44, of Waterford was divorcing his wife. Tamara Pittao's family lost contact with her for a few days, and police found her body in her Novi apartment on Thanksgiving Day 1997.

She had been beaten; her throat was slashed.

Though they called him a suspect, police never found enough evidence to arrest or charge Daniel Pittao, Oakland County Assistant Prosecutor John Skrzynski said.

The court took custody of the couple's 2-year-old daughter, Danielle, saying Daniel Pittao was an unfit parent. The girl was put in the custody of her maternal grandparents, Bob and Phyllis Pindar of Westmont, Ill. Reached recently, the Pindars, who later adopted Danielle, now 8, declined to comment. Daniel Pittao could not be located, but one of his attorneys, Mitch Ribitwer, recalled the case...

This from the State of Michigan Court of Appeals:

Defendant was charged with assault and battery 1 against his twelve‑year‑old son, Christopher. Christopher alleged that on May 10, 1997, defendant punched him in the head three times and kicked his legs during an argument over Christopher's chores. Christopher received treatment at a hospital for swelling to his head. Defendant told police that he spanked Christopher in the buttocks with an open hand and did not know what caused the head injuries.

 

 

 

 

 

Defendant was also charged with domestic assault 2 against his wife, Tamara, stemming from a separate incident on July 5, 1997. Complainant Tamara Pittao (now deceased) alleged that defendant held her by the wrists while screaming vulgarities and spitting in her face after she informed him that she had filed for divorce. According to the prosecution, after Tamara Pittao broke free from defendant's grasp, she ran from the residence and frantically telephoned her friend Constance Fraser, telling Fraser that defendant had beaten her, shoved her into a closet, pulled her hair, spit in her face, and called her names. Defendant told police that he grabbed his wife "to restrain her" when she became angry during the argument, but let her go when she indicated she wanted to leave the residence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Avman,

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the shock and horror of finding out something like this. Big big hugs to you.

My heart goes out to her daughter and her family. The fundrasier for education is a wonderful idea.

I wish that the case can be re-opened. As far as I know, there is no statute of limitation for murder so if and when they catch this monster, he can be tried and put away for life. This world can be an evil and cruel place.

Just know I am keeping you, your classmates, and your friend's daughter and family in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

will light a candle for you and your friend, wherever she is now. I support and empathize with you, Avman

As said Andy previously, my heart is with you, her family, and friends.

While she may be gone, her memory can live on in all of you, and I hope you keep it alive for her daughter as well.

It was a tragic way to die, and for her to live, however she has found peace now. Remember her for how she lived, and look at the wonderful things she was able to do - like bring a beautiful child into this world, and touch so many people.

In time, your heart will heal, and the positive memories will replace the bad ones, but take the time you need. As someone whom has also been there, and known some people whom had tragic deaths, it does get easier, it really does.

And like Scout, I hope perhaps this story can be read by some of those whom are in abusive relationships and think that leaving is so hard to do - because in comparison to losing your life, and leaving behind loved ones, it is the best thing you can do.

RK.

Horrible story and a horrible man - even if he didn't commit the murder.

May I add my voice to the chorus of those who advise getting out of an abusive relationship, especially once violence starts. Don't ignore the early signs and don't think it will get better - it is too risky to take that chance.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Even if you have not seen her in a while, some people just touch your life and leave a lasting impression on you.

The worst part is- her story is not unique. This kind of horrific thing happens to women every day- by men that think they "love" them. But abuse is not love.

I hope that men and women who are in abusive relationships will read your post and realize the seriousness of their own sitautions. To be with an abusive partner is a danger to themselves and their children.

I hope your friend has found peace, and I hope her killer is brought to justice.

BellaDonna

Avman, bud, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I don't understand why people do these things to other people. I hope that her daughter can get what she needs for future. If ya wanna talk you know where to find me.

Avman,

Once again I am so sorry about your friend. No one deserves to go through the horror and nightmare of abuse that she experienced. And yes hopefully others that are going through this type thing or that know some one that is, will see that they have to get out of these type relationships before some one ends up hurt or worse.

THis man is obviously a horrible evil monster of a person. I keep you ,as her friend , and the entire family in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Avman I am very sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I know too well what you have felt.

Last year my sister and I attended the funeral of a high school friend of ours who was shot and killed by her husband as she was dropping off her kids at daycare.-She had left him following years of physical abuse-. He then turned the gun on himself and killed himself. They left behind 3 small children.

Sitting at the funeral home, where pictures of her with her children were displayed, was heartbreaking. accross town, at another funeral home, the husbands family was grieving for him. Two families suffering and all for such a senseless act. How can you explain something like this to the children?

Avman I hope that your friends killer faces justice and that he gets what he deserves. Such a terrible loss. I will keep you all in my thoughts.

Love

Avman,

I'm so sorry to hear about this - and I will keep you, and her family in my thoughts.

This is an extreme case of how horrific the end could be when you choose to stay with an abuser.

Avman, I send my deepest, heartfelt condolences and I really hope you can find some sort of a peace in this tradgic event.

I'm so sorry.

Avman,

Reading this thread breaks my heart. I will keep you, her daughter, and all involved in my thoughts.

I have never been in such a situation, but I can empathize with what you must be going through. Know that you have an incredible support group here.