How long should a couple know each other before getting engaged?

As a general rule, how long do you think a couple should know each other prior to getting engaged? I know, I know, it varies from person to person, but I'm interested in getting your opinions and imput on this question? I'm especially interested in married couples opinion on this question.

I personally know couples that got married in 5 months and in my opinion, that is not enough time to really get to know each other (just MY opinion )

I've read articles from "experts" that say you should know the person you are dating for at least 9 months to a year before you decide to get engaged to them...what do you guys think? My boyfriend was actually asking my opinion on how long do I think we should wait before getting engaged and I was speechless, I've never been asked this question before so I have no idea, lol.

-McSushi!

My parents got married after 6 weeks together and they were happily married (my dad died, so that is what ended the marriage).

And then there are other couples that date for 10 years, get married and then get divorced.

So, I think when you feel you know the person well enough that you are confident that this is the person you want to be with. Someone had a good quote, "Don't chose your spouse because you think you won't have problems with them - chose them because they are the ones you want to share your problems with."

I think there is no right answer, but I think after 9 months - 2 years, you generally have a good idea if this is a person you want to stay with or not.

good luck

Two Years Maximum!!!

All the rules go out the window when everything clicks.

If you're looking for an average, let me be the first to throw it way off.

Chatted with my husband online for a few weeks, then met for a r/l date. A week after that he proposed (with a ring). That was October 01. We got married July 02 and have been ridiculously happy since. (**Disclaimer: No, this will not happen to everyone, nor should anyone expect it to happen. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.)

At the other extreme, I've known people who've done it a "right" -- dated for a couple years then got engaged for another year or 2 before they got married.....and ended up divorced less than 5 years later.

Rather than length of time together, I'd be more interested in finding out if both partners had compatible relationship goals, what expectations each of them had about marriage, and whether each partner, as an individual, had their mental stuff reasonably together.

If two people have mismatched relationship goals, one or the other or both have unrealistic expectations for marriage, and/or one or the other or both doesn't have their head screwed on reasonably straight it doesn't matter how long they're together before marriage.....they're gonna have some major problems.

There is really no set time that you should know someone before getting engaged. However, you should make sure you feel comfortable with who they are before and sometimes this may take years for some couples and only months for others. My fiance and I moved in with eachother after 3 months of dating, got engaged after 5 months and we are getting married in 23 days which will be about 10 months of being together. I feel as if he knows me better than anyone else ever has. We are deeply in love and have no doubt that we want to be together forever. When you know, you just know.

I think it is not the TIME involved, as much as being in equal "places" in life - being on the same wavelength so to speak.

I think knowing the partner is right for YOU, and you for THEM, is more important then the "time". Now granted, this may also mean waiting until after the honeymoon period to see the real person, not just the initial lusting after you person..(this may be why that 9-12 months time line you heard was given).

For me, it is important that I am compatible with my partner on all levels - emotionally, mentally, physically, in terms of lifestyle, goals, values, support. It is important we are best friends and lovers. That we have discussed financials, our ideas of what marriage is. That we are able to resolve conflict effectively, that we cherish one another's beliefs, and respect each other's opinions. That we accept one another for whom they are, even after seeing their "flaws", but that we are not settling for less then we deserve.

Learning these things can take time, more time for some then others.

It also just really depends where you ARE in life, and what your life and relationship experiences are, and if you are ready for that lifetime commitment, and you realize the true impact of that decision. It's important you both have reasonable and shared expectations of marriage, relationships.

I have known people to get married within months, or a year or so and whom lasted well, still are together. Others whom waited years and did not make it. I think maybe because in the latter case they may have got married out of pressure, or feeling it was "next step", or because they were just used to being together...not necessarily because they BOTH wanted to (at least not for right reasons). Now I have also known the reverse, where those whom married early faltered earlier as they never really knew one another and how compatible they were(n't) and those whom were together a long time before marriage are still going strong as they never NEEDED to get married, but decided it was something they really wanted to do.

I waited 2 years before getting married, but six months of that were spent fearing the thought of marriage. Today I think I'd spend a year or more getting to know someone, but who knows? Someone really amazing might turn up and make me all weird.

Six weeks for my parents but that was wartime - tow years from meeting to marriage for me but that included a break-up of several months.

It's not so much about time as being 'sympatico' and sometimes you just know.

My answer is simple: As long as it takes for them to know that the other person is it and for them to want the same things in life and to be on the same "brain wave" so to speak.

Some people have known eachother for 2 weeks, gotten married, and have been that way for 20 years.

Some people have known eachother for 10 years and gotten married and are perfect for eachother.

It depends on the people. Love knows not of the concept of time.

I dont think that you can really give a minimum, I dont think its just as simple as "you just know" that just sounds too iffy to me. I would say its all about the two people. They have to be compatible and want the same thing in more areas of the relationship. I dont think that time has anything to do with it, if both people love eachother and are committed to making it work then the odds are in your favor.

I would definitely wait until the "honeymoon" phase is over and until both partners get to know each other more.

I would wait at least 1 year to be on the safe side.

I would question rushing an engagement. Are they afraid of really getting to know each other, and are they just in love with the idea of being in love?

I think it can take a year, or at least many different situations to see if you're compatible.

I had a boyfriend in college who had never attended a funeral by the time he was 24-years-old, and had never been to a hospital. When his sister-in-law had a baby, he was too afraid to go the hospital to visit her. When I found out my grandfather was dying of brain cancer around the same time, he couldn't handle it. I was going with my grandfather to radiation treatments, and he was freaking out about the hospital! A real whimp! I'm so glad that I saw his true colors and dumped him.

Another instance, I found out that a 30-year-old boyfriend who was the same religion and attended my same high school, didn't know if he believed in marriage and didn't know if he wanted any kids. He didn't bother to tell me this until after a year, and I didn't bother to ask. We went to a wedding on our first date, so I made assumptions about what we both wanted. Also, we didn't travel well together. Very important.

I could go on and on about how little I knew the men I dated until I actually saw their ACTIONS over time, not just their words.

I agree with metrogirl.

Actions not words.

Just my opinion but I think at least a year or even two would be a good amount of time. People need time to learn about each other and be sure they want the same things out of life. Take time to learn about each others lives as they were growing up. Find out about their moral values and be sure you are on the " same page" so to speak on thoughts and ideas. Take the time to I dated my BF , who later became my husband , for a year and half before we became engaged and then married a year after that. My daughter who is age 24 just recently married in May 2005. She knew him for a year as just a friend before they started dating seriously. Six months after dating him , they became engaged and seven months after that they were married. So all in all she was involved with him in some way for two years before they actually married.

i believe in the 6 month window of passion in the beginning, or after the 2 year mark when you know eachothers patterns through highs and lows...

My husband and I were friends for 2 and a half years. We started dating in January 2001 and were married in March 2001. (At the time, it seemed like FOREVER.) We've been married nearly 5 years, and I'm pregnant with our first child. I can't imagine being happier with anyone else - we have very few problems in our marriage. We also received pre-marital counseling, a requirement for our pastor to marry us, and our pastor eventually told us that he couldn't find anything that we hadn't worked out already. I'm not saying it works for everyone, but it has definitely worked for us.

It has nothing to do with time. It has everything to do with compatibility. Some things cannot be healed by time - a lack of overall compatibility is one of those. You could be dating for 10 years and still not be compatible enough to be married. Or, you could be dating 2 months, know you're compatible, get a few third parties to confirm your compatibility (make sure one of them's a professional at it), and be happily married for the rest of your lives.

Thanks guys!

A lot of excellent points were made but these are the one's that stood out to me.

It has everything to do with compatibility. Some things cannot be healed by time - a lack of overall compatibility is one of those. You could be dating for 10 years and still not be compatible enough to be married.

Just my opinion but I think at least a year or even two would be a good amount of time. People need time to learn about each other and be sure they want the same things out of life. Take time to learn about each others lives as they were growing up. Find out about their moral values and be sure you are on the " same page" so to speak on thoughts and ideas.

For me, it is important that I am compatible with my partner on all levels - emotionally, mentally, physically, in terms of lifestyle, goals, values, support.

I agree wholeheartedly with the compatibility being a huge factor. You have to be on the same page when it comes to goals in the relationship, morals and values, religious beliefs (if that's important to you), whether or not the couple agrees on if they want children or not, if they are ready for a relationship, emotionally mature etc....and also observe their character and see if this is a type of person you can see yourself being with for the rest of your life and what your willing to tolerate.

Although I'm in a new relationship, I observed before we even started dating if he seemed like someone that could possibly be a type of person that I look for in a boyfriend. And so far so good, we are both looking for a long-term relationship w/the possibility of marriage, we attend the same church, we're both involved in the music ministry there, we have the same political views, we have chemistry, and he's a gentleman, and he's the type of guy that I would be proud to introduce to my parents ... so I'll keep my fingers crossed, he's a great guy for me! I'm very happy!! I'm just taking it slow, one day at a time, and enjoying where we are at in the relationship.

I would definitely wait until the "honeymoon" phase is over and until both partners get to know each other more

Yeah, I heard that the infatuation phase or honeymoon phase is usually about 6 - 9 months, then after that you really start to see the person for who they really are instead of being blinded by all the mushy emotional feelings that you have for each other.

So I personally made a decision for myself that I would date someone for at least a year before we decided to get engaged...2 years at the most. That's just my preference though, because I feel that after 2 years of investing my time, energy, money, and emotions into somebody for more than 2 years and they still did not pop the question, I'd have to cut the relationship off. I'm sure others may not agree with this, or they may, but that is just a decision that I made for myself and I'm sticking to it.

Do not get engaged/married right away, especially if you are just coming from another relationship. You should not meet each other for a weekend, get engaged at the end of that time, and be married a month later. Too fast and destined for catastrophe. You should not get engaged after a month. Especially when someone else was involved. The best things are worth waiting for. Why rush because you are in such a hurry to get married? The alter will be there for you in a few months, it isn't going anyways. Take your time.

Reason to not rush marriage: Kenny Chesney and Renee Zwellinger.