Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: reasons why the ex may act mean or cold after the break up

  1. #1
    deejay74
    Gold Member deejay74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,461
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    24

    reasons why the ex may act mean or cold after the break up

    i wasn't so sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong forum...

    i wanted to know some reasons why the dumper may act cold, mean, or indifferent to the dumpee even if the dumper is generally a nice person. why do they do that? just curious.

  2. #2
    NJRon
    Gold Member NJRon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    New Jersey
    Age
    45
    Posts
    3,098
    Gender
    Male
    I can only imagine that there are tons of reasons... but two come to mind immediately (assuming it is a somewhat normal, loving relationship that just went awry).

    1. They build a shell to protect themselces and it's much easier to do that with anger or feigned indifference.

    2. As the dumper, they generally have a head start on the whole phases of loss cycle. As a result, they are in the anger phase (which they typically get to when they actually do the breaking up) while the dumpee just starts straight with denial... which makes it especially confuising to them why the dumper is acting the way they are... because, during that time, they're in denial

    Just my thoughts... I had the same situation when my last relationship broke off and i couldn't believe how I was being treated. I mean, it was so bad I actually had all these strange excuses in my head to convince myself that there's no way the person I loved could actually be acting like this.

    Talk about confusion

  3. #3
    shes2smart
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Shrine of Seven Stars
    Age
    52
    Posts
    6,503
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    69
    On those occasions I've been the dumper, I put the distance (which could also be interpreted as coldness, meanness or indifference) between myself and my ex for my own best interests.

    I had my own issues to sort out in the aftermath of the relationship...I was in no position to help my ex sort out his crap -- nor was it my place to do so.

    A physical wound does not heal faster or better if you continuallly pick at it. You're supposed to leave it alone and let time do it's thing. The same applies to a broken heart...every additional post-break-up contact with an ex is like picking at a scab.

    The ex may basically be a nice person, but if continuing to have contact with an ex is harming you, you have to look out for your own best interests first.

  4. #4
    heavensent
    Member heavensent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Utah
    Age
    32
    Posts
    126
    Gender
    Female
    Plain and simple it's just easier to be mad. It's a defense mechanism that people use to try to protect themselves. They find it easier to hate you than to love and lose you. Sometimes it's hard to understand but if you've ever been the person who is hurt, you might find that you use this same tactic.

  5. #5
    Shadows Light
    Platinum Member Shadows Light's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    2,473
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    I don't call it mad. I call it dis-engaging. Showing no emotion anger, hurt, mad, happy, just a cool shell exterior keeps to task.

    sometimes... there's already been tonz of emotion, tension.. and once you've made the decision that you have to move forward..you disengage. You don't feed the dragon in any way.

    and as someone else said..the "DUMPER" is usually further in the process of releasing the relationship than the dumpee... they've had time to process it.

  6. #6
    Dako
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    63
    Posts
    9,175
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    The dumper has moved on emotionally.
    The dumpee has raw nerves and views the dumper through a magnifier looking for approval, remorse and a glimmer of once was.
    Slight indifference looks like a savage attack through that lens.

    At least that's what's been going on in my world.

  7. #7
    Boricua7
    Member Boricua7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    678
    Gender
    Female
    I agree completely with heavensent. Being mad is a defense mechanism. It is just easier to hate a person because then you do not feel guilty when they are hurt. It's that simple.

  8.  

Top Threads
Stalking on Facebook and confusing msgs
Hi I would like to know if I've got a chance of regaining my relationship with my current ex, I miss her dearly. I spoke to her 5 weeks after we
She came back after almost 9 months so confused
My ex just called me saying we should have dinner or coffee to talk over the fact that after 8 months she cant move on and get over me... We were in
Trying to get back to where we were
This is my first post on here and I would really like some help. Here's the situation: I had been dating this awesome girl for 3 years. We met in
Should I try to get him back or move on?
I've been a lurker on eNotAlone for over a year now off and on. I first found the website when I came out of a 2 1/2 year relationship with a man
Dumper ex gf got rejected. What should i feel.
I was in a relationship with her for about 2 months and a half and she broke up with me. She offered friendship but I refused and said that I needed
Is he just messing me about 2nd time round?
His all, I just need a bit of advice really as to what I should do now. Me and my partner I'm 37 he's 43 was together for 4 years but he was
We broke up months after I cheated...Too late?
So in January of 2016, my girlfriend found out that I had been talking to other women. She opened my laptop while I was at work and saw messages to

Featured Threads
Who is in the wrong?
This person isn't really a "friend" she is 24+ years older than me. I have a feeling I'm getting taken advantage of because of my age. I started
I became engaged with a girl who calls herself a "free spirit"......need clarity
I met a wonderful and bright girl 3.5 years ago and she by far stole my heart. She is appositely beautiful, funny, intelligent and outgoing. She is
Has anyone ever totally given up on finding love?
Hello everyone! Well I been wanting to post this for a few weeks now. I don't really know how to say it or word it. But, who here has or knows
Today "should" have been our 6 year anniversary
Today was suppose to be our 6th year together. Today is the first time on this date that we are not together. We made this date a big deal
Shoud I break up because my girlfriend hooked up with my cousin in t
I'm jealous because my girlfriend had casual sex with my cousin before she met me. We've been dating for a year, she's very funny, caring, sexy
I'm in love with my co-worker 😥
My coworker and I started working together about 10 months ago. We work closely together all day just the two of us mainly. From the day he started
Aggressive Courting
There's this girl I really, really like, and would really want to be in a relationship with. Unfortunately, recently I messed up, and now I think she
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •