Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: reasons why the ex may act mean or cold after the break up

  1. #1
    deejay74
    Gold Member deejay74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,469
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    26

    reasons why the ex may act mean or cold after the break up

    i wasn't so sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong forum...

    i wanted to know some reasons why the dumper may act cold, mean, or indifferent to the dumpee even if the dumper is generally a nice person. why do they do that? just curious.

  2. #2
    NJRon
    Gold Member NJRon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    New Jersey
    Age
    45
    Posts
    3,098
    Gender
    Male
    I can only imagine that there are tons of reasons... but two come to mind immediately (assuming it is a somewhat normal, loving relationship that just went awry).

    1. They build a shell to protect themselces and it's much easier to do that with anger or feigned indifference.

    2. As the dumper, they generally have a head start on the whole phases of loss cycle. As a result, they are in the anger phase (which they typically get to when they actually do the breaking up) while the dumpee just starts straight with denial... which makes it especially confuising to them why the dumper is acting the way they are... because, during that time, they're in denial

    Just my thoughts... I had the same situation when my last relationship broke off and i couldn't believe how I was being treated. I mean, it was so bad I actually had all these strange excuses in my head to convince myself that there's no way the person I loved could actually be acting like this.

    Talk about confusion

  3. #3
    shes2smart
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Shrine of Seven Stars
    Age
    52
    Posts
    6,507
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    78
    On those occasions I've been the dumper, I put the distance (which could also be interpreted as coldness, meanness or indifference) between myself and my ex for my own best interests.

    I had my own issues to sort out in the aftermath of the relationship...I was in no position to help my ex sort out his crap -- nor was it my place to do so.

    A physical wound does not heal faster or better if you continuallly pick at it. You're supposed to leave it alone and let time do it's thing. The same applies to a broken heart...every additional post-break-up contact with an ex is like picking at a scab.

    The ex may basically be a nice person, but if continuing to have contact with an ex is harming you, you have to look out for your own best interests first.

  4. #4
    heavensent
    Member heavensent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Utah
    Age
    33
    Posts
    126
    Gender
    Female
    Plain and simple it's just easier to be mad. It's a defense mechanism that people use to try to protect themselves. They find it easier to hate you than to love and lose you. Sometimes it's hard to understand but if you've ever been the person who is hurt, you might find that you use this same tactic.

  5. #5
    Shadows Light
    Platinum Member Shadows Light's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    2,473
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    I don't call it mad. I call it dis-engaging. Showing no emotion anger, hurt, mad, happy, just a cool shell exterior keeps to task.

    sometimes... there's already been tonz of emotion, tension.. and once you've made the decision that you have to move forward..you disengage. You don't feed the dragon in any way.

    and as someone else said..the "DUMPER" is usually further in the process of releasing the relationship than the dumpee... they've had time to process it.

  6. #6
    Dako
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    63
    Posts
    9,175
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    The dumper has moved on emotionally.
    The dumpee has raw nerves and views the dumper through a magnifier looking for approval, remorse and a glimmer of once was.
    Slight indifference looks like a savage attack through that lens.

    At least that's what's been going on in my world.

  7. #7
    Boricua7
    Member Boricua7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    678
    Gender
    Female
    I agree completely with heavensent. Being mad is a defense mechanism. It is just easier to hate a person because then you do not feel guilty when they are hurt. It's that simple.

  8.  

Top Threads
Help why are guys so hard to understand
I've know this boy for 3 years and we were talking. He's a lovely guy although we've been through a lot but we've had our problems. The last time
Ex Contacted Me--How To Play It?
About three months ago I hooked up with a guy I've known for many years. It ended up acting shady with me and I found out he started dating someone
Broken up over some guy, but want to get back together again.
Hello there, Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6+ months now. We have recently broken up due to myself not being able to cope with a certain
Should I be suspicious?
Well to give some background on my relationship I am in love with my girlfriend. Been together a couple years and she cheated a couple times. The
Confused but patient
My boyfriend is going through a lot right now and he feels like he needs to be alone. Ever since we broke up we talk everyday we've spent time with
Trying to Come Back? Or For Attention?
So this girl and I start talking just 2-3 weeks after the got out of a 2.5 year relationship. They were engaged, he cheated 3 months before the
They say women are confusing...
Ok so just need some friendly input...my ex and I broke up three months ago. Wasn't a bad break up or anything, neither really fought or acted

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Weird crazy breakup
Here goes. We was together 4 and a half years, lived together for the most of that with her grandparents, yeah moved in pretty quick because of
is my bf racist? is there a future?
I am a bit dumbfounded and confused.. pls comment.. I have been dating my bf for 3 years. I look asian and he looks european. Things have not always
Great conversation but she Ghosted me?!
When I asked for her phone number, she kinda looked at me (the really dude? face). I knew it was over, but seriously it bothers me that we had a
My Girlfriend's Extreme Anger and Dramatic Behavior Are Ruining Our Relationship
This is gonna be a long one. Bear with me.. Okay, so this is my absolute first post on any forum ever. I am a 21 year old male, and I am currently in
Wrapping your head around an incurable condition
How does one do that ? While my condition is not fatal it is incurable and my life quality will steadily deteriorate over time. Most possible will
My mom kept a secret for 28 years
I'm 28 years old, my mom always told me to not sleep around, said she never slept w anyone till she got married, etc. well randomly tonight she tells
Confusing relationship with ex
So my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. There was a lot of hurt, I was really depressed for the first weeks until I got back on my feet and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •