Pregnant, Abandoned, and Falling Apart

I just found out on Tuesday that I am five months pregnant. I did not have any signs of being pregnant before the baby started to kick other than being tired a lot.

When I intitally told my fiance about the fact that I was pregnant and feeling kicking, which indicated I was far along, he was shocked but seemed to be supportive of me.

When I had things confirmed by a doctor on Tuesday is when he stopped talking to me. I can understand feeling shocked and devastated, that's how I feel too. However, instead of seeing that I am hurting just as much as he is, he has acted so cold torwards me that I felt that I had to leave our home in order to stay sane.

I can't understand why he feels the need to hurt me. It's pretty obvious to everyone that this baby thing has me falling apart. I am in enough pain as it is. I can't believe how he could emotionally abandon me when I need him the most. I would never do that to anyone.

Hey sweetie,

I am sorry to hear that he is still feeling this way, this must be a horrible feeling right now. This is not stress you need added on when you are already raising a young child.

I cannot say why he is acting this way either, it does not make much sense really when you are engaged to be married, and already have a child, that he should be running away. The only thing that comes to my mind is maybe he is realizing he is not ready for all of this...it seems unfortunately I know a lot of people whom have this "realization" when their partners are pregnant. Which sucks, because really, you have no choice, you can't just run away.

Have you talked to him since about it all? Told him you are scared too?

I know you are worried, as you will have two young children, but you can do it. I promise you. My father left my mom when she had a 7 year old (me), a 2 year old, and one whom was 7 months along in her womb. She did it, and she is my role model to this very day. You CAN do it, look to your family, friends, the community, us here, for support. I believe we are pretty flexible and can take what life throws at us, it's all "doable" and you come accross as a very intelligent, warm hearted, strong woman. I have no doubt you can do it.

I hope he comes around, I really do. I hope that he realizes his fears are ones he should just face head on, and he will be there to love and support you and your children. But if he does not, you CAN do it.

Rachel

Hey Girl,

I am so sorry! It's really tough that your fiance turned away from you at a time when you need him so much.

You have a child already together? ( I didn't read that before, how old is the child?)

Have you tried to talk to your fiance since then? Are you certain it's over?

What was said prior to this that makes you think he's not going to come around and be supportive once the shock wears off?

Oh my gosh, how horrible for you! Not only because of his lack of support, but the fact that he is your finance'?? I agree with RayKay. You can do this. It is a struggle being a single parent, but it is very possible and with the love and help of your family and friends you will get through this.

I think another issue should also be addressed. As I mentioned earlier, this is your fiance'? He may just be shocked and overwhelmed as this is a new adjustment for people, especially since you are already halfway through your pregnancy and just finding out now. He may need space to sort through some flood of emotions right now, but he also needs to realize your feelings as well and show his support regardless of his thoughts/emotions. Had you two decided you didn't want children? Although he may be stressed or whatever, you don't ignore or force the person you love out of the home in a time like this. This may be a sign or good indicator of what the future holds for your relationship. You have a lot on your plate right now, but you do need to analyze your relationship and decide (depending on if he fesses up and why he is acting this way) if you truly want to be with someone who has abandoned you. Whether his behavior is intentional or not it takes two to tango, and this child is just as much his responsibility as it is yours.

hi theantibarbie23

i just want to offer my (hugs) and say i hope things work out for you for the best.

What your partner is doing to you is heartbreaking. I dont know your story, but if he loves you then the way he is acting is just immature and i dont understand that.

My bf has a lot of minues, but he really wants a child with me and would be very happy anytime it happens (and we are not settled down yet and in an ldr), and reading some stories makes me realise that this plus he has means alot to me.

take care and i hope your child is healthy and loved.

Had you two decided you didn't want children?

He didn't even want our first child whom is 7 months old. I don't think ethier of us wanted another child, I know I was perfectly content with one.

I think he had this hope that I'd be able to have an abortion when I told him I was pregnant but I can't and he listened to me tell him all this without so much as nodding his head. When I was done, he just got up, put on his coat and peeled out of the driveway. He did everything in his power to avoid me or ignore me after that moment. When he does have to talk to me it is short and curt.

I did try once to go up to him and talk. I was so hurt by everything that I was physically shaking and had started to cry before I even walked up to him. I put my arms around him and was going to pull him into a hug. I needed comfort so badly. He just removed my hands from him and walked away mumbling about the laundry. I was crushed. I felt gutted.

The next day was when I couldn't take anymore. We have a morning routine. I get him up, he gets ready, I get the baby ready and he whisks her off to daycare on his way to work. (I do not have my licence)

Well, I woke him up that morning, and heard him getting ready. I got the baby read to go and suddenly I realized that he was no longer home. He had taken off without saying a word to me. I tried calling his cellphone to see if he had just forgotten her in his current state of mind. He clicked me into voicemail, I tried calling back, he turned off the phone.

That's when I called for a friend to please come get me on her lunch break and left. I wrote him a note saying I was going to my mom's. I haven't heard from him since.

He didn't even want our first child whom is 7 months old. I don't think ethier of us wanted another child, I know I was perfectly content with one.

That provides some answers there then.

How long have you been engaged for, may I ask? Are there plans to get married yet?

Is it possible he was rethinking the marriage thing, and that now that you are pregnant again, it's kind of....made him feel more stuck in something he is not sure he wants? Harsh "possibility" but just something I wonder.

oh my god, his behaviour is just horrible! i am shocked. sounds like he never wanted children, an immature jerk, sorry.

How long have you been engaged for, may I ask? Are there plans to get married yet?

We've been together for about four years now. We aren't officially engaged. We just started using the phrase fiance when looking for apartments and it kind of stuck. There are no marriage plans right now. Marriage never was very important to ethier of us.

I guess I am just really angry that he's not dealing with reality. Ignoring a situation isn't going to make it go away. Hurting me isn't going to undo what's already been done. He needs to pull his head out of his rear and deal with life!

We've been together for about four years now. We aren't officially engaged. We just started using the phrase fiance when looking for apartments and it kind of stuck. There are no marriage plans right now. Marriage never was very important to ethier of us.

 

I guess I am just really angry that he's not dealing with reality. Ignoring a situation isn't going to make it go away. Hurting me isn't going to undo what's already been done. He needs to pull his head out of his rear and deal with life!

Ah okay, well my guess then the reality IS hitting him even harder. Perhaps even one child he still felt "okay" in that he was not tied forever, perhaps the reality of having an entire "family" is a little more "frightening". Not saying it is right of course, but it is not uncommon to have such reactions when the children are unplanned and you are not married.

Maybe part of him not wanting to get married (aka asking you) was also not wanting to have children. Now even thought he did not get married, the kids are here.

Marriage may not have been very important to either of you, but it sounds like while you were fine to go along as it was, there may have been reason it was "not important" to him?

Wow, unbelievable! I am so sorry (((HUGS)))

Somehow he is going to have to get a grip. Yes, there are a lot of factors coming into play with this, but he also has a young child that IS here right now that needs her daddy too. His behavior is unacceptable, but I'm thinking he is overwhelmed, and disappointed. When you aren't planning for children, especially when the decision was made to not have anymore, and then it happens it has to come as a blow. People react differently, and I would love to say that women accept it better because we are the ones that carry the child etc...however, not every woman accepts it. That aside, with men it is different. Partly because of "freedom", he not committing to marriage is a factor, and of course finances: Can we afford this child, will I be able to provide enough.

I noticed you said you didn't drive. Is there a legal reason why, or had you just not gotten your license? I would suggest getting your license as well. You cannot be trapped in the house all day everyday without some means of transportation with a young child and one on the way. Especially since he just walked out when he was suppose to grab your daughter and chose not to.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I agree with all the advice the others have given you.

I have to say- aside from his horrible treatment toward you, this is what really bothered/disturbed me the most:

We have a morning routine. I get him up, he gets ready, I get the baby ready and he whisks her off to daycare on his way to work. (I do not have my licence)

 

Well, I woke him up that morning, and heard him getting ready. I got the baby read to go and suddenly I realized that he was no longer home. He had taken off without saying a word to me. I tried calling his cellphone to see if he had just forgotten her in his current state of mind.

That is totally immature and low. He is taking out his anger on an innocent baby. Sure he did not do anything to her per se, but he just left her there. He left her on purpose. That's his DAUGHTER errrrr........ Her father should not be treating her like that. He's mad with you for being pregnant (which I can't begin to understand why- if he was willing to have sex) and now he's taking it out on his own baby too. That's a shame. It's a heck of a good thing kids don't form lasting memories at that age-

I hate to say it- but if he didn't "want" the first child and now he's abadoning you, his 7 month old, and the child on the way- is this really the type of man that should be raising your kids? Will he have an immature outburst and take it out on the kids every time he is mad? That's not good for them ,or for you, hun.

Do you have any friends or family that you can talk to about this. He's being unsupportive, but you shouldn't have to go through this alone.

BellaDonna

Oh Girl,

((HUGS))

That is just awful, I am so sorry!

Do you have some support from your mom at least?

This is going to be a tough time for you. If your bf won't talk to you then maybe it's time to contact a lawyer and file for child support. At the very least he needs to help support these children.

How was he around the baby you have now? Did he love her once she was born? Was he good to her?

How did he treat you?

i also wonder how old he is.... such a childish behaviour