Who Was She?

No one actually discovered it. When I replied to one of the threads, I didn't realize I was doing it under this username. After I posted it, I had a rather loud Homer Simpson moment. ](*,)

Yeah thanks for blowing the whistle on us, Sunshine. Now we're both on our way to the big house ya dope ya. Nothing but water and crackers for the rest of our lives. It's curtains for us! Curtains I say! Curtains!

Aaaawww, they're lovely!

LOL, KO/ÅE, you're both sooo adorable. Geez... how come the good guys have such low self-esteem.

I saw the clues weeks ago, and thought, "Naw, that can't be... he wouldn't do that... would he?"... But yeah, you left obvious clues all over the place.

And yeah, love your poems... and your other writing too... So write more, okay? Stop keeping it to yourself. No kidding, it's really good stuff.

Hmm. I guess I'm gonna have to bite the bullet, and just bust into my piggy bank... gather my coins for a flight to the Big A.

And oh yes, KO/ÅE, a few days ago someone said I looked 30, yay! I think that's a new record! Gosh, I must be getting younger! \\

tee hee, I'll be at the airport with a big sign that reads, "Scream if you love dog's with glasses!"

Thanks Miss M, Miss Twenty Something. I think it's hard to submit writing for fear of... for fear of... well when I figure out what my fear is I'll let you know.

ShySoul, since I was the one who technically squealed on the mole, do I get the prize? I sure do love bread. And yes, that's slang for money.

Well, I had thought it was you Kyo, but got too busy to check up on the clues and varify. Then you accidently let it out and I called you on it.

But if you want the bread, then ok. I'll go bake you a loaf since I am a "master baker." Oh wait... you wanted money? But aren't you the one that won the lotto and only gave me the ticket? Know you want to take more money from the poor people? Kyo, my man.... that's not cool (said in my best Carlito impression).

Kyo/Alter Ego, you do have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your writing is great. It's full of thought, emotion, humor, and passion. You've got "it." So take advantage of "it." And you are easily the funniest person on this site.

Miss M, you must look good if you passed for 30. That had to put a smile on your face. Remember, you are only as old as you feel. So stay young at heart.

tee hee, I'll be at the airport with a big sign that reads, "Scream if you love dog's with glasses!"

LOL, Ah, sweet! Yes indeed, only I'll be "screaming" AND giggling, (hey, just like that girl in your avatar! hehehe!) So KO, do you joke like this around the girls you like? Do you make them laugh too? Or does your fear get in the way of that? Ya know, a lot of us girls are real suckers for a guy who can make us laugh, not even kidding about that.

Miss M, you must look good if you passed for 30. That had to put a smile on your face. Remember, you are only as old as you feel. So stay young at heart.

Thanks hon. But some people are just really bad about guessing the age, so I really shouldn't be too quick to pat myself on the back. This person a few days ago could just be one who isn't so good at nailing the age. But I've noticed that many men routinely guess 10 years less than what they really think, just because they've figured out that's the safest way, (and also, it usually makes women smile. But I really do look 5-10 years younger than 50, so when they knock off another 10 years, they usually guess 30-35. But a few days ago it happened with a young woman, and she was completely sincere, so it did give me an ego boost, and I giggled uncontrollably, such fun! It's weird how the older I get, the more I'm willing to believe them when they guess I'm a young age. I think I'm becoming gullible. Well, at least I know one of the reasons old ladies giggle so much.

LOL, Ah, sweet! Yes indeed, only I'll be "screaming" AND giggling, (hey, just like that girl in your avatar! hehehe!) So KO, do you joke like this around the girls you like? Do you make them laugh too? Or does your fear get in the way of that? Ya know, a lot of us girls are real suckers for a guy who can make us laugh, not even kidding about that.

I do, I do a lot. Maybe I need more of something, who knows. I am lost.

I do, I do a lot. Maybe I need more of something, who knows. I am lost.

So KO, do you even know how to tell if a girl likes you? I always imagine that there's some girl who likes you, looking longingly at you, but it all goes right past you because you're too preoccupied with telling yourself it isn't possible.

For many of us girls we fall for the guys who make us feel good (e.g. laughter). And a guy who jokes around like you usually has no trouble getting girls because he makes us feel happy... and we want to be with him again and again because we like feeling that happy feeling. When you see those girls again, do they smile at you? Do they look like they're happy to see you? Like they're glad you showed up again? In case you haven't yet figured it out, that's a very good sign. Humor is very charming, and very appealing, even seductive, and that gives you a clear advantage.

And we girls (some of us) also fall for the guys who make us feel good about ourselves. IOW if a guy likes us, it makes us feel likable. And if a guy desires us, it makes us feel desirable. If a guy is interested in us, it makes us feel interesting. If a guy thinks we're beautiful, it makes us feel beautiful. (I know, I know, it's the same for you too, but hang on for just a minute while I make my point ). So, just the fact that you can make a girl laugh and smile, and the fact that you adore her, that alone can be enough to spark her interest, to create her desire for you. But if you spend too much time in disbelief, or too much time needing her to express her desire for you, instead of your desire for her, well, that's not always so appealing. Your being preoccupied with self-rejection is a huge distraction, and it sabotages your chances (as you already know), and it's a HUGE waste of time. I'm guessing that you're so fixated on what "isn't," that you're very likely not noticing what IS.

So, besides all your other very wonderful traits, I find now that you also write this exquisite poetry. Hmm. I'm so intrigued by you... And I wonder what other interesting aspects about yourself have you been hiding away from us... and from her? And why oh why are you hiding?

So KO, do you even know how to tell if a girl likes you? I always imagine that there's some girl who likes you, looking longingly at you, but it all goes right past you because you're too preoccupied with telling yourself it isn't possible.

I am sure I can tell. At least I thought I did. I am sure I haven't missed out yet. I have no idea where to meet women. The clubs in New York City are cluttered with gorgeous men. I am too shy just to go up to a girl and say something. Do I go to bookstores? Cafe's? I have no clue, and this city is huge. I am not photogenic as I can't generate any interest using link removed, link removed, ect. Oh Hitch, where art thou?

So, besides all your other very wonderful traits, I find now that you also write this exquisite poetry. Hmm. I'm so intrigued by you... And I wonder what other interesting aspects about yourself have you been hiding away from us... and from her? And why oh why are you hiding?

 

 

Thank you Miss M. I do have a toenail shaped like Kentucky. Other than that...

Guys, shall I just set you up on a date? I'll chaperone in case you think things might get out of hand.

Seriously Kyo, if there is a women I would trust to give me advice on relationships, its Miss M. She knows what women like, and women seem to like you. I know here are other women on this board who find you attractive in a lot of ways. And that humor of yours is your golden ticket. The lightheartedness and sense of fun, mixed with a genuine sense of compassion is a deadly combination that can knock any girl of their feet.

I have no idea where to meet women. The clubs in New York City are cluttered with gorgeous men.

That's why I said you might MISS her. The girl for you won't be in that crowd of women who flock after gorgeous men, and if you look for her there, you're looking in the wrong place.

Do I go to bookstores? Cafe's? I have no clue, and this city is huge.

Actually I have met a few guys in those places, but yeah, you'd have to be a little on the brave side. I've also seen quite a few in bookstores, cafes, who I would have liked to talk to, but they didn't seem too brave at all... wouldn't even look at me except when they were sure I wasn't looking. Hmm.

I think the key to meeting like-minded women is to do things you like to do anyway, and then see what naturally unfolds from there. For example, do you have some passions, (like writing and poetry?)? If you could get involved in a few activities centered around your interests. That's a better way to meet women than the other ways you mentioned.

I am not photogenic as I can't generate any interest using link removed, link removed, ect. Oh Hitch, where art thou?

Well, I AM photogenic, (or so I'm told) but I can't imagine that the right guy for me is on an online dating site either. And oh, that brings up another good point. I find that good-looking people are also without companions. You think dating success depends on your looks, but I still say it doesn't. There are lots of single/lonely good-looking people. There are even quite a few of them right here at enotalone. So, being good-looking is definitely not the magic formula.

I do have a toenail shaped like Kentucky. Other than that...

LOL, oh man, that's gross!... (but it's still funny, hehe )

Guys, shall I just set you up on a date? I'll chaperone in case you think things might get out of hand.

So KO, whadaya think? Do we need a chaperone? Or do you think maybe we can "handle" it without ShySoul poking his nose in it?

Um, ShySoul, ya know I love you, but sorry hon, you just can't tag along this time. KO and I will just have to muddle along without you. But thanks for the good recommendation.

Mental note: Must stop poking my nose where it doesn't belong.

Poor Kyo though, I don't know how he'll be able to resist you Miss M. At the very least, you can get him out there and finding all the girls that have to be dying to go out with him.

That's why I said you might MISS her. The girl for you won't be in that crowd of women who flock after gorgeous men, and if you look for her there, you're looking in the wrong place.

I wonder where she can be. Those quiet corners are hard to find in dark rooms with flickering strobe lights.

Actually I have met a few guys in those places, but yeah, you'd have to be a little on the brave side. I've also seen quite a few in bookstores, cafes, who I would have liked to talk to, but they didn't seem too brave at all... wouldn't even look at me except when they were sure I wasn't looking. Hmm.

That's what I do. Make sure they're not looking, sneak a peak, and when she looks over, look up at the sky and whistle...

I think the key to meeting like-minded women is to do things you like to do anyway, and then see what naturally unfolds from there. For example, do you have some passions, (like writing and poetry?)? If you could get involved in a few activities centered around your interests. That's a better way to meet women than the other ways you mentioned.

I tried an art class, a nude one in fact. I was way to shy back then to notice anything but the subjects at hand. Who knows, maybe night school where I'll be taking astronomy, I just hope it doesn't have the same ending as my first astronomy class 13 years ago.

Well, I AM photogenic, (or so I'm told) but I can't imagine that the right guy for me is on an online dating site either. And oh, that brings up another good point. I find that good-looking people are also without companions. You think dating success depends on your looks, but I still say it doesn't. There are lots of single/lonely good-looking people. There are even quite a few of them right here at enotalone. So, being good-looking is definitely not the magic formula.

I know this now and you've helped me realize that more than ever. Thank you. But my problem is Step 1, getting my foot in the door. I can't get past the "good looking guy" mental block.

LOL, oh man, that's gross!... (but it's still funny, hehe )

I'm glad I didn't tell you what's shaped like Texas...

So KO, whadaya think? Do we need a chaperone? Or do you think maybe we can "handle" it without ShySoul poking his nose in it?

I'm game. I've got some good connections, I think I can get free tickets to some Broadway plays (hopefully the good ones.) I think we'll be ok without good 'ol ShySoul, we're both mature adults. If Shy wants to know the skinny, he'll have to wait for CNN's Breaking News.

Poor Kyo though, I don't know how he'll be able to resist you Miss M. At the very least, you can get him out there and finding all the girls that have to be dying to go out with him.

I remember her now. She was the muppet with the big lips, you know the one in the band. But we were not meant to be. I had to let her down gently.

I wonder where she can be. Those quiet corners are hard to find in dark rooms with flickering strobe lights.

I'm guessing she isn't in those places that have "strobe lights." Like you mentioned before, it's more likely book stores, cafes, an art class, poetry readings, astronomy class, that kind of thing.

That's what I do. Make sure they're not looking, sneak a peak, and when she looks over, look up at the sky and whistle...

So, let me ask you, when you're looking up at the sky, (and she's inwardly smiling because she caught you, but is sparing you the embarrassment), what should she do then? Because for her it seems you might be in a relationship and was just window-shopping. So if she's a braver soul than you, is there something she could say to you at that moment that would break the ice?

I tried an art class, a nude one in fact. I was way to shy back then to notice anything but the subjects at hand. Who knows, maybe night school where I'll be taking astronomy, I just hope it doesn't have the same ending as my first astronomy class 13 years ago.

Hey man, stop that right now! (and pardon me for shouting ). But hey!, you are no longer allowed to let an incident that happened so many years ago keep you from moving forward now. After all, aren't you tired of bypassing one chance after another? Aren't you tired of being alone? So stop that... stop looking back... look forward!

Well, I AM photogenic, (or so I'm told) but I can't imagine that the right guy for me is on an online dating site either. And oh, that brings up another good point. I find that good-looking people are also without companions. You think dating success depends on your looks, but I still say it doesn't. There are lots of single/lonely good-looking people. There are even quite a few of them right here at enotalone. So, being good-looking is definitely not the magic formula.

I know this now and you've helped me realize that more than ever. Thank you. But my problem is Step 1, getting my foot in the door. I can't get past the "good looking guy" mental block.

Okay, here's a refresher for you... You don't have any idea about what kind of guy does it for her, so let her decide about that without your input. I'm not typically into pretty boys, and I'm turned on by guys who would be amazed if they knew. What I like in a guy just wouldn't make any sense from the guy's point of view. So, just relax, and let HER decide what she likes without you second-guessing her.

I'm glad I didn't tell you what's shaped like Texas...

LOL ... do I even want to know what you're talking about? ... Is it gross too?... Ohh, I'm too afraid to ask.

I'm game. I've got some good connections, I think I can get free tickets to some Broadway plays (hopefully the good ones.) I think we'll be ok without good 'ol ShySoul, we're both mature adults. If Shy wants to know the skinny, he'll have to wait for CNN's Breaking News.

LOL ... And will you promise to always be this funny? Will you keep me laughing and giggling... like now

Poor Kyo though, I don't know how he'll be able to resist you Miss M. At the very least, you can get him out there and finding all the girls that have to be dying to go out with him.

Yes, I've been thinking this over... When I get there, yes, I should immediately start counseling him about meeting girls, giving him little pointers, showing him the little clues he's probably been missing. But then again... hmm... what if I want to keep him for myself, eh? [darn it! I've maxed out on the emoticons again... the one that winks goes right here...

Arggh! I NEED MORE THAN FOUR EMOTICONS! Geez, I'm a very "expressive" person... c'mon!]

I'm guessing she isn't in those places that have "strobe lights." Like you mentioned before, it's more likely book stores, cafes, an art class, poetry readings, astronomy class, that kind of thing.

In other words, I gotta get out more often. I do browse the record stores every friday night. Seems like they're all taken. I do occasionally stroll in The Village (which in NY is the melting pot of the universe) but again, boys with girls aplenty. It seems to me I'm the only one going solo.

So, let me ask you, when you're looking up at the sky, (and she's inwardly smiling because she caught you, but is sparing you the embarrassment), what should she do then? Because for her it seems you might be in a relationship and was just window-shopping. So if she's a braver soul than you, is there something she could say to you at that moment that would break the ice?

Honestly, if she said anything I can take it from there. It's the approach that stops me. I can't get myself to do it. It's a terrifying experience that is difficult to describe unless one's been there.

Hey man, stop that right now! (and pardon me for shouting ). But hey!, you are no longer allowed to let an incident that happened so many years ago keep you from moving forward now. After all, aren't you tired of bypassing one chance after another? Aren't you tired of being alone? So stop that... stop looking back... look forward!

Oh no, that incident wasn't a setback for me. It was just that I hesitated to talk to a girl, but another guy in our class did, and now 10+ years later, they're married. What I meant was that I hope I do not hesitate and allow another guy come to the rescue, that's all.

LOL ... And will you promise to always be this funny? Will you keep me laughing and giggling... like now

It is my life's mission to keep a smile on your face.

 

 

Yes, I've been thinking this over... When I get there, yes, I should immediately start counseling him about meeting girls, giving him little pointers, showing him the little clues he's probably been missing. But then again... hmm... what if I want to keep him for myself, eh? [darn it! I've maxed out on the emoticons again... the one that winks goes right here...

Please help me because I'm no Columbo. Am I missing clues? I truly think I am misenterpreting them in my favor, which leads to heartbreak when I learn the truth.

In other words, I gotta get out more often. I do browse the record stores every friday night. Seems like they're all taken. I do occasionally stroll in The Village (which in NY is the melting pot of the universe) but again, boys with girls aplenty. It seems to me I'm the only one going solo.

Sometimes it feels that way, like everybody has a partner except me. But other times it's not like that at all. I'm always in the bookstores, coffee shops, cafes, libraries... and I'm ALWAYS solo... and I always see guys and girls who are solo in those places. And on a very few rare occasions I've struck up a conversation with a guy. It has to be the right chemistry though. (There are also guys I will bypass because they give me a creepy feeling.) The guys who I usually talk to are easy-going and friendly, innocent. It's difficult to describe it, but they are the kinds who seem harmless, and kind. And they are ones who seem like they aren't on the prowl.

Last year in Barnes and Noble, I was sitting in the coffee shop. It was jam-packed. A guy bought a cup of coffee, and turned away from the counter to look for a seat, but there were no free tables at all. He turned this way and that with his coffee cup in hand. When he looked in my direction, I immediately motioned for him to join me, to share my table. Why did I do that? It was because he looked totally innocent and without an agenda. And in some way he looked happy with himself, contented, joyful. I had planned on us sharing a table and just reading our respective books, but after we said hellos, neither one of us could stop talking. We chatted for two hours. He wasn't looking for a girlfriend, had just gotten out of a relationship. But I remember him well. He effortlessly cracked jokes the whole time, made me laugh, just by telling his mundane life stories in a way that was comical, a naturally witty personality. When he first sat down, I said, "I don't usually do this, invite a strange man like this to share my table. And I expect it doesn't happen a lot for you to have a strange woman make that kind of invitation." But he said that stuff like that happens to him all the time. He said somehow women just instantly feel drawn to him, comfortable him, and he doesn't know why. He said he even has trouble getting rid of women. Then he went into telling me about all the women that have chased after him... one funny story after another. It was great fun for me. He wasn't especially handsome, but he seemed especially self-contented, innocent, joyful.

But back to the bookstores, and record stores, or any stores... Do you ever end up looking through the same books, or CDs, as those the girl is looking at? Or is she ever looking in the section where you were gonna look? That happens innocently all the time. (But I've also had a few guys PRETEND to be looking at what I was looking at just so they could be near me.) That would be a great jumping off point if you guys are already looking at the same items in a store, but you have to be brave. Or you have to at least resist the impulse to look at the ceiling, or to run away. If she's browsing in the same section where you were headed, do you find something else to do in another aisle until she's finished? Or do you go ahead and move closer, say "excuse me," and reach for a book or CD that is very near her? If it's books, you can talk about the books you're looking at. If it's music, talk about that. Notice what items she's browsing. If you've read the same author, ask her if she is acquainted with him/her. If she's pausing to look at a CD that you're familiar with you could talk about that. Or if it's a musician you've been thinking of buying, you could ask her opinion about it. And while you're saying "excuse me" and asking these questions, try to notice if she seems accepting, approachable, or cold and distant. If you smile warmly, and in a non-threatening way, that's likely to give you a better response from her.

Honestly, if she said anything I can take it from there. It's the approach that stops me. I can't get myself to do it. It's a terrifying experience that is difficult to describe unless one's been there.

Well, for my own purposes, I'm paying specific attention to that part where you said, "if she said anything." So next time it happens to me where a guy seems hesitant, I'm gonna just say anything at all and see if it goes anywhere. When a guy is shy it truly feels like he's rejecting me, or not interested, or not available. Shy guys don't realize they seem to be sending messages that say "NO!" From the girl's point of view, it's very difficult to read a shy guy. And I thought if I tried talking to them it would scare them off. So now I'm going to try to remember to say something... or anything.

It is my life's mission to keep a smile on your face.

Oh my, you sweet dear man. You know, if you said something like that to a girl, it would melt her instantly. So after I get through giving you pointers, I really do have to hand you over to another woman, eh? Darn! Okay if that's what you really want.

Please help me because I'm no Columbo. Am I missing clues? I truly think I am misenterpreting them in my favor, which leads to heartbreak when I learn the truth.

Yes, I'm guessing that you're missing the clues. But aren't you interpreting them in your DISfavor? And what has led to heartbreak? Has some woman turned you down? From all your posts it seems you never let it get that far. Unless I've missed something it seems you reject yourself on her behalf, even before she has a chance to cast a vote. In some ways you remind me of my son. He's 22 now, but when he was about 12, I noticed that wherever we went, he was starting to attract the attention of the girls his age. (It's so easy for a female to detect when another female is interested in a guy. Women try to be cool about it, but the clues are like flashing neon to me.) And as my son's mom, I thought, oh my, so they think he's a good catch? It was seriously weird for me to start thinking of my little sweet knuckledheaded brat as some girl's idea of Romeo. After it happened a few times, (and he seemed completely oblivious) I mentioned it to him, like, "hey that girl a few steps back really has a thing for you." But he thought I was making it up, or thought I was very confused. I started trying to point out each one so he could start to recognize the clues. These young girls were just about turning flips while trying to get his attention, and he totally missed all of it. It was probably 3-4 years before he finally began to believe me.

Oh my, you sweet dear man. You know, if you said something like that to a girl, it would melt her instantly. So after I get through giving you pointers, I really do have to hand you over to another woman, eh? Darn! Okay if that's what you really want.

Shoot, if they aren't as wise as you, who'd want them. Not I. Not I.

Shoot, if they aren't as wise as you, who'd want them. Not I. Not I.

Hmm. So you're getting picky now, eh?... So maybe the girl you really want should be "wise"? ... Maybe you don't just want one from the crowd who are drooling over the "gorgeous" man? ... Maybe you even want her to be thoughtful, contemplative, intriguing, creative, appreciative for what's on the inside of you, a girl who laughs easily at your humor and wit, a girl who has a depth of character?

Actually, KO you've ALWAYS been very "fussy" about the girls you've seriously cared about. Maybe you haven't had the courage to approach them, but you've always chosen the truly special ones, haven't you? It seems to me you have a real talent for falling only for the exquisite girls who really stood apart from the crowd. Oh, but then you'd moan about how the others (that you didn't even want) were making such a big deal over the good-looking guys... superficial stuff. But in a way, when they bypassed you, they did you a favor. You didn't have to find out how lonely it feels to be with a girl who only chose you because of your looks. I know you think you want to experience how it feels to be desired by a lot of women, but from the type of sensitive and thoughtful guy you are, I don't think having a bunch of girls like that is the kind of thing you would find very valuable in the end.

Hey, there's something I forgot to mention earlier...

That's what I do. Make sure they're not looking, sneak a peak, and when she looks over, look up at the sky and whistle...

So what if instead of looking at the ceiling, you continued to look at her a tiny moment longer... and then just gave a little smile? Would that be at all in your realm of possibilities? Sometimes a very briefest smile is all it takes to get me started, just a very teeny-tiny signal that the guy is friendly, interested, open. It helps tremendously if we at least make brief eye contact, and acknowledge each other. Often I just smile right back at him, ESPECIALLY the shy ones. Yeah, whenever a shy guy smiles even briefly at me, I could do a lot with just that. \\

Hmm. So you're getting picky now, eh?... So maybe the girl you really want should be "wise"? ...

I wasn't serious about that. I was complimenting your wisdom. Should I have rephrased it?

Maybe you don't just want one from the crowd who are drooling over the "gorgeous" man? ... Maybe you even want her to be thoughtful, contemplative, intriguing, creative, appreciative for what's on the inside of you, a girl who laughs easily at your humor and wit, a girl who has a depth of character?

Duuuuuh.

Actually, KO you've ALWAYS been very "fussy" about the girls you've seriously cared about. Maybe you haven't had the courage to approach them, but you've always chosen the truly special ones, haven't you? It seems to me you have a real talent for falling only for the exquisite girls who really stood apart from the crowd. Oh, but then you'd moan about how the others (that you didn't even want) were making such a big deal over the good-looking guys... superficial stuff.

No, that is not me. The last girl I had a crush on at my job, nobody noticed. In fact, a few of my co-workers were teasing me for liking someone that looked "rough" as they put it. She was the type that had her little circle of friends and she had that mean looking default face that instantly transformed into a beam of sunshine when she smiled or laughed. The guys, and girls for that matter, said that she was not physically attractive. She didn't wear makeup and most of the time dressed behind the times. But because she seemed so friendly but very awkward and shy at the same time, I fell for her.

And it is funny that you mentioned about how I would feel if a girl chose me for my looks. I was thinking about that very same thing this past friday when I was walking home. I wondered what the difference would be if a girl was only physically attracted to me vs. liking my person. I didn't finish the thought because they were blasting the salsa music and I had to stop to dance, but I know in my heart that at this point in my life, I don't care how she would like me, just as long as she does. And salsa music, too.

So what if instead of looking at the ceiling, you continued to look at her a tiny moment longer... and then just gave a little smile? Would that be at all in your realm of possibilities?

Believe it or not, yes it is for me. And I don't know why it is so hard. I guess because when I was younger, I didn't want any girl to know I liked them, for fear of freaking them out. So I wouldn't give them clues. I don't think I've outgrown that thinking. I smile instictively just to say hello, but to smile and show a bit of interest, I am afraid they would run for the hills, screaming at the top of their lungs, arms wagging and all...

I wasn't serious about that. I was complimenting your wisdom. Should I have rephrased it?

Ok, I knew that (and thanks for the compliment)... I just had an irresistible urge to use your own words to make a point... to point right back to you. But yeah, thanks for compliment.

Actually, KO you've ALWAYS been very "fussy" about the girls you've seriously cared about. Maybe you haven't had the courage to approach them, but you've always chosen the truly special ones, haven't you? It seems to me you have a real talent for falling only for the exquisite girls who really stood apart from the crowd. Oh, but then you'd moan about how the others (that you didn't even want) were making such a big deal over the good-looking guys... superficial stuff.

No, that is not me. The last girl I had a crush on at my job, nobody noticed. In fact, a few of my co-workers were teasing me for liking someone that looked "rough" as they put it. She was the type that had her little circle of friends and she had that mean looking default face that instantly transformed into a beam of sunshine when she smiled or laughed. The guys, and girls for that matter, said that she was not physically attractive. She didn't wear makeup and most of the time dressed behind the times. But because she seemed so friendly but very awkward and shy at the same time, I fell for her.

Ok, friend, here's where you missed my point. From your posts it seems you've always fallen for girls who had some special qualities, different from the crowd. So in this paragraph above, you immediately went into describing how your co-workers determined that this girl was not worthy of your interest? What's that about? So I already know you don't fall for the girls that others fall for. Why would you use their opinions to say whether this girl is worthy or not? And when have you ever chosen a girl based on whether others approve of her? You fell for her because YOU saw something special in her, not for what others saw in her. And whatever it was that you saw in her, that's what I was previously pointing at.

And it is funny that you mentioned about how I would feel if a girl chose me for my looks. I was thinking about that very same thing this past friday when I was walking home. I wondered what the difference would be if a girl was only physically attracted to me vs. liking my person. I didn't finish the thought because they were blasting the salsa music and I had to stop to dance, but I know in my heart that at this point in my life, I don't care how she would like me, just as long as she does. And salsa music, too.

Okay, I get your point. I've had plenty of attention so I guess it's easy for me to tell you that you don't want it. I can't make you have this experiential feeling like I have that all that attention is worthless.... I can only tell you about it and hope that my description gives you a glimpse of the truth of it. But yeah, if nobody ever looked at me, maybe I'd feel differently about it too. Maybe then, I'd just want a man to look at me and desire me. But I know first-hand that's it's not all it's cracked up to be.

But also, I had a friend who was an ugly duckling. Because she was ugly, she was ignored and rejected by all the guys, watched them walk right by her to make a fuss over the pretty girls. She longed for some of that same attention, thought those girls were sooo lucky. Then she got major dental work done, lost a lot of weight. The dental work transformed her face so much that her friends didn't even recognize her... she was suddenly very beautiful. And when she lost the weight, an exquisite hour-glass figure emerged. Well, all those guys who had ignored her were suddenly smitten with her, flocked around her drooled over her, begged her for a date, a dance, a chance to get naked with her. Other girls were jealous of her, or told her she was lucky because they wanted some of that kind of attention. But she wanted none of of those guys because she knew they were only in her face because of her outward appearance. She knew those same guys had previously rejected her because of how she looked, so she saw their interest in her as something totally superficial and worthless. And also that feeling of rejection always stayed with her. She had all that attention but continued to feel as if nobody wanted her. IOW it's a big joke that life plays on you, making you think people are rejecting you, but those feelings of rejection ultimately come from inside of you, not from the outside. And the inside is where those feelings need to be met and resolved.

I didn't finish the thought because they were blasting the salsa music and I had to stop to dance

You're salsa dancing??? And just who are these women you're dancing with??? Wow. Hey, perhaps I had it all wrong. Maybe some chick HAS spotted you in the strobe lights, eh?

So what if instead of looking at the ceiling, you continued to look at her a tiny moment longer... and then just gave a little smile? Would that be at all in your realm of possibilities?

Believe it or not, yes it is for me. And I don't know why it is so hard. I guess because when I was younger, I didn't want any girl to know I liked them, for fear of freaking them out. So I wouldn't give them clues. I don't think I've outgrown that thinking. I smile instictively just to say hello, but to smile and show a bit of interest, I am afraid they would run for the hills, screaming at the top of their lungs, arms wagging and all...

So you're looking at the celing and whistling out of sympathy for the girl? You don't want to freak her out and send her running for the hillls? Well, like I mentioned earlier, when guys have looked at me and then quickly looked away, I've often felt rejected, like they were saying "no, not you." You shy ones don't realize that your behavior seems as if you're saying you don't want the girl.

 

But really, at least you should stop blaming your lack of companionship on the fact that the girls aren't choosing you. If you're looking away like that, you're usurping her vote, deciding for her, rejecting yourself on her behalf... And you're especially not even giving her a chance to choose you.

Our very own enotalone mystery. Who is alter ego's, alter ego? It's not me.... or is it?

 

 

LOL; I hope someone cracks the case soon!