Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 49

Thread: I said I love you and he didn't say it back :(.

  1. #1
    sbrew21
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    329

    I said I love you and he didn't say it back :(.

    I have been dating this guy (full committment) for six months. We are together about 3-4 days a week. Its really hard for me to get him to open up. I try without being forceful at all. I just throw things out there here and there and nothing. He just won't give me any ideas of how he feels about me. If I ask a specific question he will tell me but he just never comes out and says any kind of feelings. I fell for him about two months into the relationship but never said anything. Last night I asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship because sometimes he just seems to be selfish. He said of course he did. That made me feel half way decent, but I was giving him a way out of our relationship if he truly didn't want to be in one. Anyway, I ended up saying I love you at the end of the night and he didn't say anything. He just gave me a big hug and lots of kisses but I know he doesnt love me which really sucks. Now I don't know what to do. My friends say don't do anything different but I feel rejected. I know I should probably back off and let him think about it. He said he would call me today. Don't know if I should answer and if he makes plans with me do I go and do them. I just really don't want to get any more hurt than I have to since my heart is so invested in him? Any ideas or thoughts? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Dako
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    65
    Posts
    9,175
    Gender
    Male
    I can vaguely remember a similar thing happening to me. She said she loved me.
    I heard, "I'm serious now and expect you to want a house full of kids, a minivan and a mother-in-law. Sell your motorcycle, quit smoking and don't think of walking in with those muddy shoes." I was wrong, but she was patient and understanding enough to cope with my fears. In time I felt at ease without fearing a flood of expectations.

    Pushing him might make it harder for him to sort it out.
    Last edited by Dako; 01-16-2006 at 12:59 PM.

  3. #3
    sbrew21
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    329
    so did you fall in love with her?

  4. #4
    smittenkitten
    Member smittenkitten's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    New England
    Age
    46
    Posts
    102
    Gender
    Female
    Oooh, yuck! I'm so sorry!!!

    It sounds like you're not getting what you need from this guy. Even if he's not a very expressive person, if he cares about you he'll honor your need to hear him put his feelings in words, and he'll make the effort to do so, no matter how clumsy or awkward he feels.

    If I were you, I'd back right off. If he calls, just tell him that you're confused about how you feel, and you need to take some time to think. Keep it on you; ie, don't tell him it's because you're not sure how he feels. If you do that, he'll feel pushed, and he'll close down. If you put him off balance a little bit & tell him you need to step back a little bit, he'll have the opportunity to examine his feelings for you. Right now he's got the power in this relationship; he knows he's got you & he doesn't have to do much to keep you... not even something as little as expressing how he feels.

    Once you've backed off, he'll have the opportunity to miss you. If he finds that he's missing you, he'll realize he doesn't want to lose you, and he'll come back to you & make the effort to prove that he cares.

    If he doesn't do this, you'll know that it wasn't meant to be. You can allow yourself to grieve and move on. Right now you're stuck in limbo, pulling petals off daisies in the old "He loves me, he loves me not" game. You're all tangled up. You shouldn't have to work this hard to get the love you need and deserve.

    Hang in there sweetie. Keep your call short & sweet; don't cry on the phone or get into a discussion of how horrible he's making you feel. If you feel the tears welling up, get off the phone immediately (someone's at the door, I gotta go!), then indulge yourself in a good long cry. Take a nap, ask a friend to come over & keep you company, come post here, get a hug, get a cat.

    He either loves you or he doesn't. Give him the space to figure it out on his own.

    Hang in there!

  5. #5
    Ms Omaniac
    Member Ms Omaniac's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    McAllen TX
    Age
    45
    Posts
    234
    Gender
    Female
    this is just my opinion and my thoughts and i dont know either one of you but since my closest friend in the world is a guy and most of my best friends have been guys, this is why im telling you this...

    do not leave him. do not feel rejected that he didnt say "i love you" back to you. do not try to force more affection or question him constantly. try not to feel so insecure.

    guys are much slower to show their feelings and just because he didnt say he loved you...doesnt mean he doesnt. they have feelings that THEY dont even want to admit they have. not all guys are like this...but ive seen MORE guys guard their feelings than show them off. society has really put guys in a corner making them look like sissies if they show feelings or cry or are overly emotional. a lot of guys have hardened up and it took a while for them to get like that. it will take them a while to take those walls down. and just because YOU want him to show his feelings does not remotely speed up the process. they will when they are good and ready.

    right now...youre just insecure that you like him more than he likes you. i understand that. ive been there also. but right now...just try and enjoy your bf and your relationship. the fact that you two have a commitment is a HUGE deal. if he is actually faithful also says a lot. he is investing his time and his heart on you. try not to make him regret that and let him down. if you try to force it...you only make it all the more longer till he professes his feelings for you.

    be patient.

  6. #6
    sbrew21
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    329
    I know I need to back off. Its just hard because he lives in the apt building next door to me so it makes it that much harder. I can see when he's home or not because his car is parked caddy corner to where I have to park. I was not emotional at all when I told him that I loved him. I am not confused how I feel though. I can keep the conversation short. That should be easy. If he invites me to do something I don't know if I should do it or really let him have space. He did say he would call me today. No call yet though. I just don't want this to drag out. He didn't seem to want to break up or anything though.
    I don't think you could have gotten the analogy more right "he loves me, he loves me not" haha. Sometimes I really feel like he does, but I guess if he did he would tell me, especially after I told him. I don't know!

  7. #7
    Dako
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    65
    Posts
    9,175
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by sbrew21
    so did you fall in love with her?
    Me? I was already completely in love with her at that point. She was everything to me. Even now, with our marriage over, I'll love her until I die, regardless of what the future holds.

  8. #8
    sbrew21
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    329
    I know guys are slow with that. I do think he wants to be with me. I just don't want to feel vulnerable and insecure. I am usually pretty hardened when it comes to this stuff but he just gets to me for some reason. I don't want to push him away for sure, but I don't want to block him off either??? What do I do?

  9. #9
    Mattie
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    129
    You could've just caught him by surprise. Maybe he thought if he said it back, it may have seemed like he said it just because you said it to him.

    It sounds to me like you are both happy so I would just try and carry on as normal. Don't make him feel pressured into saying it back, because it really doesn't matter. Just enjoy your time together.

    If a girl told me she loved me, I'd back off if I didn't. Even if I did, I would be a bit freaked out by it. I don't know your boyfriend so I can't really comment on what he's thinking at this point in time, but if he comes back to you, don't feel like you have to be elusive. Hear him out. If he wants to meet up, what's the big deal?

  10. #10
    sbrew21
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    329
    i honestly don't know. THat's why I am asking? Being so available?.... should I be. Some say let him miss me, some say act normal, some say tell him i am confused and I need space. Relationships are so complicating.

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
My new boyfriend has a close attractive female friend
I started dating this guy about 6 weeks ago. We usually see each other 2-3 times a week and he calls me on the phone every night. He seems super into
Help! Having THAT conversation with someone...are we friends or more?
Okay, so me and this guy have been casually dating since June. We never talked about getting serious but have kept in pretty constant contact since
How do you cope with insecurity when dating?
I've never liked myself much when it comes to looks (I've got certain issues) and that's one thing that bothers me a lot when trying to go on dates
The rejection text 😔
Eugh. Finally meet a lovely guy. Things seem to be going well and we go on lots of lovely dates. He's communicative and just generally lovely. And
How to tell her I want to explore my options
So I had that bad breakup almost 6 months ago. Been good lately, started dating. Met quite a few. But I have been getting close to serious with one
Dating is confusing
Hi everyone! I am new here. I enjoy reading the post and the warm responses from everyone. Such a great site I joined a dating site and a nice
Where did I screw up here? Is there any chance with her?
I met a great girl a little over a month ago online. We sent messages back and forth for a week (every day) before finally meeting up. When we met

Featured Threads
What eNotAlone gave you?
I wonder mostly about long-time members who decided to be a part of this community. Has this forum enriched your lives, and if so, in what
How to end things with him
Iíve been dating this guy for 2 months. In the beginning he was very sweet and romantic, however I learned in the last month or so that he is
My ex bf told me he wants sex, nudes and me to loan him money until he's stable... Should I lend $?
Hello.. I am 22 I met my ex bf (21) 3 years ago in college. He dropped out of college after the first semester.. he didn't go to finals. He stayed in
How Should I have handled it?
My GF and I were together for about 5 months. Things were great except for some of my questioning her online activity which challenged her. All
My Ex Husband still berates me
Hello, first off I am not sure why I am on a forum but.. I need an anonymous outlet I guess because my friends and family all say the same thing
Yall ready for a messed up one...
Okay, so i cheated on my bf about 6 month ms into our relationship with a guy 20 years older then me at our work. And it was a rule that it was only
Iím at a really bad state of mind right now
Itís been a little over the month since the breakup, since then, heís messaged me 2-3 times about random topics (that I donít care about), and has
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •