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My brother is married to a woman my mother did not really like too much. She has kept her mouth shut about it though to them. Well, she tried to accept my sister-in-law but the sister-in-law is really not wanting to get to know the family. My brother is having problems with his marriage already (he was just married in fall). It's about money and not appreciating each other. And when I say money...I do not mean they are having finacial problems. I mean they fight about what to spend it on.

 

My mom says he sounds so depressed and she is afraid he will kill himself or something. She is always worried he will when he gets upset. His wife is very demanding and one that wants a lot of stuff. And no matter how much stuff she has, she is never happy.

 

My mom seems to want advice on what she should tell them. When she talked to me about it (you can tell how concerned about it she is because we rarely have a conversation such as this!) she told me that he is going to marriage counseling alone (?). I suggested that they do that and I do not think there is any helping their marriage. Anyway, I'm worried about my brother and it's sad to see a marriage start to fall apart after less than 4 months. They went to counseling before and everyone gained up on him. I am not saying he does not cause problems...but his wife is a bit needy and demanding and stuff.

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well, I don't think that there's much that you or your mother can do about the marriage. He's a big boy, and the marriage is about him and his wife. All you two can do is encourage them to go to marriage counseling together.

 

Be supportive of your brother. Just let him know that everything will be ok, one way or the other.

 

I would encourage your mother not to meddle in things. Even though she means well, this is an issue your brother has to deal with by himself. If she meddles, and things still go south, your brother will blame her for destroying his marriage, even if that isn't true.

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Honestly, you and your mother both need to stay out of it, unless your brother ASKS for support. Interfering will only have his wife feel ganged up on, and probably create more strife and resentment..in the marriage, and afterwards. Your mom really should NOT say anything to him honestly. All you two can do is be supportive, and encourage them to seek counselling...together.

 

He is in counselling (yes, you can do individual marriage counselling) and will find some answers there, if he wants too. He will have to be pretty open about what is going on for them to do that, and he will also need to be ready to see perhaps marriage was not the best idea. It can be hard for someone to admit the possibility they made a mistake in marriage, especially so soon into it.

 

And actually, "financial problems" is part of what they are having...as they do not relate just to how much they have, but how they choose to spend it, and their financial personalities are clearly clashing at this point. A great great number of people end up splitting over issues related to finances.

 

That does not mean they are doomed, but it will take the wife's effort as well to work things through. If she does not, well, then it may not work out, I just hope your brother will then leave before he gets dragged down in it.

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When you marry, it implies you're grown up and can handle your own affairs. Your brother made his choices and now has the opportunity to learn from them.

Your mother should know better than to interfere with someone else's marriage. It's really not her business at all, and meddling will only make things worse. He's not her little baby anymore.

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After the first one I can see it is all the same. My brother actually talks to my mom about it and seems to want advice. Thanks for teh assumptions...probably going to avoid this place for awhile. How could you accuse my mom of meddling!!! mom stays out of people's business unless they ask for her advice. I know my mom.

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After the first one I can see it is all the same. My brother actually talks to my mom about it and seems to want advice. Thanks for teh assumptions...probably going to avoid this place for awhile. How could you accuse my mom of meddling!!! mom stays out of people's business unless they ask for her advice. I know my mom.

Well, I am sorry that is your reaction, but the fact is, unless your brothers wife is also asking your mom for advice, it is indeed putting a strain on their marriage too. You have already stated your mom does not like her, so if your sister in law senses this, it will only make things more convoluted. It is too bad you only saw that and did not read the rest where it also said that the advice they should be given is to work things through and that it will take both of them to make a choice as to what to do.

 

Asking for family to get involved just is not a good idea...what if for example she advises him and some negative things come out about the wife from your mom, they stay together and then your brother resents mom for not accepting his wife? What if your mom is only getting ONE side of the story?

 

Even thought your brother has asked, my advice is still that your mother should encourage them to go through counselling, and work this through together on their own. She may have been asked, but all she CAN do is advise him to seek individual and couples counselling to come to some realizations and decisions for him. He did the marrying on his own, it is his relationship, and he needs to work through problems with his wife, or they need to decide to end things and so forth. You mom can't really "do anything" for him in that sense. He needs to get his own strength and figure out what he wants for himself. And you as a family should be there with your love and support, as he will need it. When it comes to working things out, it needs to be between the couple, and a neutral party (counsellor). Getting family involved always leads to more strains, resentments.

 

If she is worried about him hurting himself (has he ever been suicidal in the past) for that if she is concerned she should talk to him about he concern, and also see if there truly is any sign of him being that way. If so, then extra precautions may need to be taken.

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After the first one I can see it is all the same. My brother actually talks to my mom about it and seems to want advice. Thanks for teh assumptions...probably going to avoid this place for awhile. How could you accuse my mom of meddling!!! mom stays out of people's business unless they ask for her advice. I know my mom.

 

Nowhere did I see any implication that your brother is asking for advice. I just re-read your initial post and find no such information. My assumptions are based upon the contents of what you actually wrote.

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