He never comforts me when Im upset...

My boyfriend never comforts me when im upset from us fighting or even from other things that upest me.. all i want is a cuddle and a kind word from him. He can be so mean to me when we`re fighting-really condesending and calling me names and lots of yelling.I`ve tried explaining to him how bad he makes me feel when he just leaves me crying my eyes out but he does`nt understand n he keeps doin it.and he thinks by saying the words im sorry in the same tone of voice he used to give out to me makes everything ok.The last nite we had a fight..we went to bed not talking and i reached over to him-making the first move to make peace- and we cuddled. I got upset then and he got mad at me for crying.. he said he comfort me if i had a genuine reason for crying. I could`nt explain to him why i was upset it was just the way i was feeling..i was happy to be cuddling him. The thing anytime hes been upset during a fight or something else im always there to wipe his tears and hold him no questions asked. it breaks my heart to see him upset...why does he not care about how i feel?

He probably does care but people react differently after a fight, just as they fight in different ways. Two things to think about:

Look at how he treats you over all. Not just after a fight but when you are not fighting. Is this the only major issue that you have with him or are there other problems. Is he usually kind and is he usually good to you?

Second: try to manage the relationship without fighting and don't get so upset. Many people see tears as 'cheating' when there is a disagreement as it seems as if you are saying "well, I can't win the argument with logic or just by being right so if I cry you have to make me feel better and thereforeeee I win." That probably is not what you are doing but that is how he may interpret it. And when he cries he may be doing the same thing or be genuinely hurting - just like you.

Try to resolve your differences by calm negotiation and compromise - both of you. Since you are here and he is not, I can only suggest that you start that process and lead by example.

calling you names and yelling and talking to you in a condensending way??? why would you think he'd comfort you when he is treating you like that; actually if he did that'd be even more sick!! because then he is breaking you down and comforting you afterwards which is worse...

Thanks. I`ll try not to get so emotional.It the only problem we have-i love him so much, hes definitley the one for me.

He sounds like a jerk, yelling bad names at you when you fight. I don't think that's ok at all. Is that how you really think the love of your life should treat you?

Buy yourself Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus. I just read you both in there.

your fights sound very similar to the way my ex and i fought. here is what i finally realized after all of the tears and restless nights i spent worrying about this issue:

whether you are right or wrong (and i think youre right), the bottom line is that you are unhappy and he is not going to change. i finally realized that, and like annie24 said, the love of your life would not let you feel this way.

there is no use in trying to figure his behavior out because it doesnt sound like he's going to change. its so much easier for us to try to change our partners behavior than to take a good hard look at our own happiness and maybe reconsider our choices. i know you think he is the one for you but that is becuase you love him and its INCREDIBLY hard to leave someone you love.

just something to think about.... if you want to PM me, please do, because i really feel that your story is so similar to mine

i think the name calling and yelling can be a bit abusive. No offense but name calling IS NEVER ok.

My boyfriend and I live together as well and I know when theres a fight things can get heated...but there is never any name calling going on around here...

when Im hurt about something that doesnt have to do with us, he always hugs me and consoles me...

although this is rare but it happens- when I cry because he did something, it tears him apart and he holds me and kisses me until its done and he says how sorry he is

or

when he is SO angry at me, even when it is MY fault and I cry, he will beg me to stop because he can't take it.

I dont know how any human being can see their loved one in pain and not feel the urge to hold them and comfort them...

that unless you cry OVER ANY LITTLE THING...or to be manipulative. then I can see why he wouldnt....but do you?

For example, my boyfriends mom will cry over anything to make people feel bad for her. One time I saw it and I felt horrible, but I saw my boyfriend and his dad not do anything and ignore her...when I asked why they said : "she does this crap all the time when things dont go her way, she says things like we dont love her and starts crying, its all an act to guilt trip"

but never EVER allow name calling. its a horrible form of manipulating and lowering someones self esteem