Not sure if this is abuse, need help deciding whether to leave

Things are much better now. The pets are gone and most of his stuff is gone. There are a few small boxes of miscellaneous crud that I found stashed away here and there and I put them in the basement. He's been over twice to pick things up and I managed to be gone both times with my friend's husband "housesitting" for me while the moron came over. The second time he had some skanky chick with him and my friend's husband made her sit on the couch and wouldn't let her walk around the house with my ex. I sprayed the couch down with lysol that night.

Emotionally I feel okay, a little down because it's Valentine's Day but even though I haven't said much at work my friends have been popping in with candy and stuff all day so I guess they're trying to cheer me up.

I think you should drop off the miscellaneous boxes of 'crud' (lol) at his mothers house so he doesn't have any excuse to turn up at your place again and you have no more reminders of him at all even hidden ones.

Well done you! You have done brilliantly in getting this miserable excuse for a human being out of your life. You've also set a great example for doing so for all the other women on here in a similar situation and have proved that it CAN be done.

Don't feel too bad about being single on valentine's day, be glad that you are free from skank boy and have an opportunity to be happy with somebody who actually cares for you next year.

I was in a very similar situation to you in the summer of 2002 and by December 2004 I was happily married and still can't believe how unhappy I was back then (and how long I put up with it!) compared with how happy I am just a couple of years later.

The right one is out there for you somewhere and you'll probably find him when you're least expecting it as I did.

Chin up, you're FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Dannysgirl

I wouldn't be so far along without everyone on this board. I came in here still unsure as to whether I deserved the abuse or even if it is abuse. I knew how I felt but I was still making my decisions based on what HE wanted. It helped a lot to see others going through the same thing, not that I like to see anyone have to deal with this stuff but it helped me look at my own situation a little more objectively and gave me the courage to follow through with the decision that I had already been batting back and forth in my head for months.

This Saturday it's girls' night out and I have a killer outfit planned I'm not interested in meeting anyone new for a long time but I do have a lot of friends I used to club with who I haven't seen more than once or twice a year since the plague came into my life and we have some catching up to do.

Believe me I know how you feel, after I broke up with 'twatthew' I was giving the Freezer vibes to every guy who even glanced in my direction for about a year and a half. Its only natural to feel like that for a while but I'm sure it'll fade when you meet a guy worth something.

Take this time to really start taking care of you, take up a hobby you've always wanted to but never got around to, spoil yourself - buy yourself all that stuff you've been promising yourself for ages and go out and have a great time with your friends, you deserve it girl!

Freezer vibes LOL - I keep thinking freezer burn!

I have a few hobbies I need to catch up on. For now I can be lazy and read a book for hours, walk into my bedroom and not see his dirty stuff everywhere, and play a videogame anytime I want without worrying about anyone else. He used to always find a way to interrupt whatever I was doing and come up with something he needed so I'd have to stop doing what I was trying to do. I so do NOT miss that.

You really sound strong. When It gets a little too quiet, get out with friends. Someday guys won't all look like weasels to you.

Hey Girl,

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sounds like you are doing so good, I am thrilled for you. It's like you have your life back... it must feel so good.

Have a great Saturday night out with the girls!

Hey there!

I am so proud of you...you are doing great! I hope you have a wonderful night out with the girls. **hugs**

P.S. Let us know how you are doing.

Please, please, get out of this relationship, there are so many "red flags", it's "text book" abuse.. there is actually a book title, "Stop walking on Eggshells". Perhaps it would help you to visit a website called "Tears and Healing" it's tells you "how to leave" someone that fits your guys exact description.. YOU CAN DO THIS, believe me, it doesn't matter how many "good times' there are with him, the bad ones will cause you to completely lose "yourself"... get out now, one step at a time, don't tell him of your plans to "leave him" just read a book, get some help, in how to do this safely, and with the least "effect" on YOU... he's an immature, unhealthy guy, he needs help, but if you think you can "fix" him with love, you are mistaken, I wish you the best and please let us know what you decide, you are already on the right track by asking yourself these questions.. is this abuse? Hell yeah! AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, IT'S "HIIM", YOU ARE WORTHY OF A HEALTHY LOVE FROM A WONDERFUL HEALTHY MAN... Please check out "tears and healing"

Blender,

If you read the thread, she has already kicked him out and has been living for several weeks without him!

She is a strong and brave woman, and is doing really well without him.

"he said he's going to cancel his college classes and quit school today because of me, but I told him I'm not taking the blame if he does, it's his choice."

Wow, this sounds exactly like my bf, the whole blame thing.

He is also extremely inconsiderate and if I ask for consideration or complain at all, he tells me I pick on him all the time and that he can never do anything right in my eyes.

Mine has also started throwing things and being scary in general.

I feel like I can't speak up or ask to be treated well. I'm getting out, I just don't know when. Sounds like you should do the same... Good luck.