married twice, divorced twice, should i marry again?

hello, I met this guy a year after my second divorce. We have known each other for close to 4 years. On x-mas day he gave me a engagement ring and asked me to marry him. I told myself after my second divorce I would never marry again. Because I cam to the conclusion that marriage isn't for me. I do love this guy alot and he says if I don't coomit to the relationship that it will be over. He could be the one and then again he might not be. How do i know for sure?

just curious have you ever lived alone? or have you always been in a relationship?

wow, what an ultimatum! my gut feeling, and remember i am not you so i don't know how you feel, is don't get married to him. using an untimatum, in my opinion, is a cruel thing to do. a man once gave me one and thank god i didn't do it. this is something you really have to think about. if you have serious doubts, than you know in your gut what is right. have you ever considered counsoling to figure out what is going on in your head? that might be a very good investment for your future.i mean that in the kindest way. heart break is hard and it sounds like you had a lot in your past relationships. i wish you well and hope you make a wise thoughtout decision.

I don't see why it is controlling. He wants to marry you but if you don't want that he will move on and presumably find someone who loves him enough to marry him. Why is that controlling or an ultimatum? What else is he supposed to do - wait around until you decide if you want him or not?

Imagine your life without him in it. If that really upsets you then maybe he is the one. If you feel a sense of relief then he probably is not.

i couldn't imagine life without him. i just feel like i'm being pushed into something that i'm not ready for. we have lived together for almost two years and we get along really good but my track record on marriages is really bad. it's not all my fault that both my marriages went bad. but when a relationship goes bad it really hurts. marriage is almost like a curse to me. it's a very scary thing.

I can see that. But if you have been living together for two years with little or no problem then being scared of marriage is probably more a superstition because of experience than a practical fear.

If you can't imagine life without him then you will have a problem if he decides to leave because he thinks you don't love him enough to commit to him - as you did with two other men in your life. It makes it seem as if he means less to you than they did.

It's easy to say you feel pressured and I can see why. But for him, it's a natural and normal stage of the relationship and he sees that the fact you don't want to marry him probably means that you really don't want him.

How would you feel if you were the one who wanted to marry him and he said no? But this is not just about how you feel - he has an equal right to have his feelings taken into consideration.

Without your bad experience, do you think you would be married to him already?

yes i can understand that. i just want to be able to think about it a little more. so i guess i will consider what he wants and accept the ring and engagement.

darkblue, yes for sure

Don't feel forced into it - if it isn't what you want.

Take some time to think about it - and talk about it.

darkblue, yes for sure

That's interesting.

You should not judge him on past experience. You should judge him on what you feel for him, what his intentions are and what you have learned from past experience.

After having two marriages you thought would last end up failing, I can see why you would be scared. But it sounds like fear is the only thing holding you back from something you want to do. You can't let fear control you like that. In love you have to be willing to trust your heart and take a chance.

My brother got married a few years ago and the marriage was rocky from the start. It had way to many ups and downs and problems. A few months ago he told me that he wasn't ever going to have a family (as he was getting a divorce). Now he has a girlfriend with two kids already and got her pregnant so that another child is on the way. He gave up, but in the end realized thats not what he wanted. My mom has gone through bad experiences. One guy left her. Another guy ended up abusing her. And a few years ago she got divorced from my dad, after 25 years of marriage. She also said marriage wasn't for her. But here she is thinking about it with someone else. Love has a way of finding us when we have given up. The question is, are you going to take the chance or let your fears get in the way?

Monet,

Situation with the former wife? Or with the new women? With the wife, I've been waiting for the divorce for awhile, could see it coming. But he really wanted to make it work, give her more chances then he probably should have. Glad he really decided to end it finally.

With the new women, I don't know much about it. We hadn't talked in a while (had a big disagreement), but I believe they were seeing each other even last summer, so its not like she got pregnant right away. He sounded happy when we talked a couple weeks ago for Christmas. And like me he loves kids (other women wasn't able to have kids), so that makes him feel good. I'm catious about it myself, but not much I can do. He's a big guy, can take care of himself (I hope).

Hey, why the name change again?