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I'm so lost in life


lonely_chinese_guy

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Hi.. This is my first time to post here

i don't know what to do with my life. i tried a lot of different activities in hope of finding something that represents me but so far i have no luck at all. I have gone through the four years of university silently, not knowing what to do with the math degree i earned and i'm not even good at math, ended up with some low gpa but still got through the pain of studying. Not knowing what to do after my degree, i went onto studying in another field that i still don't know whether i had interest in at that time, which was accounting. Soon after i started with the program and paid the tuition, i realized this field is again not meant for me. I think i just lost my interest quickly. However, since i paid the tuition, i'm finishing it off for the sake of it (it's a one year program). Again, i am doing something without knowing why am i doing it, my life has nothing meaningful to me going on. I tried sports, reading, music,... etc. Nothing seems to hold my interest long enough. Seems like I'm just doing school as my family/friends recommanded to secure my future. Even within my circle of friends, i don't have any good friends nor a best friend whom i share my inner most feeling with. After "googling" my friends up, i discovered that many other of my friends are much more successful than i am in terms of relationship (i.e. much more friends and partying). I tried not to compare because everyone has their own way of living, but it surprised me how lonely i really am. Can someone help me out here? Forgive me for my bad grammar, english is my second language.

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Hi there, welcome to enotalone!

 

Where I am, undergraduate Maths degrees actual provide excellent job opportunities.

Finance is one big area where people with maths degrees are hired.

In business, employers find a maths degree to be a valuable qualification. This would be one area to consider applying for jobs in, if you find it interesting.

 

You aren't alone in not having close friends, this is something many people deal with.

But think of it this way, at any time you could meet someone who becomes a good friend...anyone around you is a possible best friend. It is only a matter of time before you meet someone.

 

You are in a good position in life where you can do nearly anything you want.

You have graduated from school (and will have again soon), are young, and have nothing holding you back.

From here you can do anything.

 

Try and focus on the good things that you have. With time and work all of the other things you want can come too, but you have to give it time.

 

I don't judge success by how much money we earn or how many friends we have or how many parties we go to. I judge success in terms of happiness.

Being happy is far more important than anything else.

 

What makes you feel good in life?

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I'm sorry you are unhappy.

Some folks get burned out on education. So much time in academia can keep you from finding a niche in the world.

 

I do envy you in some regards. In my youth, I persued things for short-term pleasure. I dropped out of school, hung out with losers and spent my time riding motorcycles and taking drugs. I wish I had built a foundation of some kind for my life.

 

Having an education will improve your life greatly as time goes by. You'll have more opportunities than others who have a 2 year Psychology degree or a master's in fine art. Not that there's anything wrong with those, but you have more potential with your background.

 

At the risk of sounding trendy, maybe you could talk to a therapist to get some professional insight. It couldn't hurt.

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Welcome to Enot Lonely! You sound alot like me, someone who's prone to pursue what others think is "best" for you even if it's not what you like or are interested in. Believe me... This is the surest way to "lost" in life.

 

Take the time to find out who you are and what you like, and you're more likely to meet with not only success, but fulfillment. If you lost interest in numbers quickly, it's probably because your talents and interests lie elsewhere. What do you like to do for fun? Are there any friends or acquaintances in careers that you envy or find fascinating? What's missing in your life? What kinds of magazines or hobbies do you naturally gravitate towards? What kinds of people or occupations do you admire? What kinds of jobs do your "heros" tend to work in? What types of problems or issues are fascinating to you?

 

Some books you might useful:

What Color Is Your Parachute? by Richard N. Bolles

 

Zen and the Art of Making a Living by Lawrence G. Boldt

 

The Pathfinder: How to Choose or Change Your Career for a Lifetime of Satisfaction and Success by Nicholas Lore

 

PS. Success is relative. Just because your friends might be doing well financially, doesn't mean that they're any happier than you. The important thing is finding what career is right for YOU. Good luck!

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Thanks to everyone who offered me some solutions to my problem.

 

Registered: I feel that math isn't really my strength even though i have my degree on it. I suppose i won't persue my career on this path. But you're right, this will help me on a foundation level. Thanks.

 

Sonjam: I really should go out and work, either for money or not. Up to this point, i'm 22 years old, I have only 1 job that lasted for around 3 months as a waiter. I think i have trouble talking even to people on the street. Partly because of the language barrier, but mainly i am still very much shy of talking. Again, i guess it'll take some time.

 

Dako: I hope i won't need to see the therapist yet Although the problem of my depression persists, i might have to stop my academic to take some time off.

 

Smallworld: Yes! you read my mind. However i still don't know how to deal with that yet. I listen to people whenever they came up to me with suggestions/recommandations and i take them up seriously, then regretting it later on. I know i have to learn to think more independently, but how??? like i said, i tried a lot of hobbies, but nothing interests me to this point.

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  • 4 weeks later...

the solution is simple: DON'T be " just doing school as [your] family/friends recommanded to secure [your] future." go to school because you want to, not because there is nothing better to do, or there is nothing else to do. after you finish up accounting, go back to school and study something you're really interested in. if you don't have any real interests, then you need to get out and explore the world. maybe do some traveling, have new experiences. you just need to get out more. don't let yourself sit there and feel lonely-- do something about it.

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the solution is simple: DON'T be " just doing school as [your] family/friends recommanded to secure [your] future." go to school because you want to, not because there is nothing better to do, or there is nothing else to do. after you finish up accounting, go back to school and study something you're really interested in. if you don't have any real interests, then you need to get out and explore the world. maybe do some traveling, have new experiences. you just need to get out more. don't let yourself sit there and feel lonely-- do something about it.

 

 

yea, never do anything because your family or friends say it's the best thing to do. You have to do things for yourself, only then will you realise what you want.

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  • 9 months later...
  • 1 year later...

hi guys,

was interesting to read these msgs. some of the insights were very useful too, esp from the older members.

I just have this to say: all of us are gonna go through these phases, and they sometimes last very long. Four years of engineering were not the most fun for me, but the thought that kept me going was that I would have my moment in the sun.

I've always used music as an outlet, and at the lowest ebbs i would try listening to music that made me think of where I would like to be. For me, it was the single most imp factor way to get out of old useless ruts and start afresh.

In my humble view, controlled aggression is the most important attitude in trying to change your circumstances. Work your energy up, and then channelise it where it works best.

Think of Rocky Balboa He had nothing going for him, but he went the distance.

Good luck, and it's good to know I'm not alone in having gone through demoralizing times.

 

Star

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another point i really wanted to add. 'Know yourself and you'll win every battle'. Comparisons with friends are inevitable. I still do it everyday, after reaching a position all of my batchmates envy. No point beating yourself up about it, use the envy/desire (or whatever label u choose to put to it) to fire yourself up, and then go about doing what you like doing, in the best way u can. Thats my definition of success anyways

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  • 2 months later...

Hi

 

This is my first post, just happened to be getting really down and thought i'd type in "lost in life" into google and this thread popped up.

 

Kinda nice to know im not alone in this quest for self satisfaction in life.

 

I am 22 recently just quit my job at the bank and have one week left. I had managed to get myself into a good position at the bank after two years of working there but i never really liked it so last week i thought shove it im gonna quit. It kept me busy and i just ticked along, which is what I constantly feel like im doing, i feel like i never have the ballz or the drive to get out there and find out what I want to do, i look around and people can just seem to slot into somewhere and just get along with it, and I envy people that don't have this fustrating cloud of confusion and are able to make the most of the situation.

 

The one thing I fear most in life is regret, but the more and more I try and run from it the more and more regretful I know im gonna feel.

 

I really don't know what I'm saying or how to even explain it to you guys.

 

Friends for example, I myself don't have a "best friend" i treat my friends like my life, i come and go from different groups of friends all the time I am never settled in anything I do.

 

Girlfriends, kinda like my friends really (this is going to sound like im a complete a$$) I never know what I want to do, i have never been faithful to any girl because I am never settled, I break up with a girl then regret it then go back and repeat.

 

I also have a little girl who is so amazing and she has just turned two, I see her all the time and have a good relationship with her mother (yes i have slept with her on and off for the past 4 years, whether im single or not, and same for her). But if i don't sort myself out i'm scared I will fail my little girl and end up at a complete loss and she thinks of me as a looser.

 

none of this is likely to make any sense because it's how i feel, but that bascially describes my mind in a nut-shell "no sense of life or soul, confused and nakid in the dark"

 

Words from the heart are always spoken instantly, never thought about - David Wood (Woogi)

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  • 6 months later...

I'll suggest one thing, check out link removed

 

And life is pointless, you just take the aim and let things play until you hit some cues or clues on what you'd in-put on your movie aka your life. lol, if only you were the only one struggling, but deep down inside everyone is really juggling with the thought of how to begin rather than taking it all in. Ok let me stop.

 

-fi* check the site.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey everybody,

 

It's weird I found this thread the same way woogi did by typing in 'lost in life' in google at a whim in my sorrowful browsing. Also the original post by lonely chinese guy explained exactly everything I was feeling and experiencing in life now.

 

I do maths at university but it has no place in my heart, I just chose it out of fear and pressure to survive in the material world. I'm half way through and I think I will carry on but I wish I could just get away from it all, but i've already wasted so much money and time I might aswell finish. But why waste more time and money and the cycle continues.

 

I have nothing else to do outside of school except get a job which would probably be some uninspiring job. I know I should take action and stop complaining but i'm muddled in what I want out of life and what I want to be. I mean life as an adult seems to be centered around getting a job and money. It's all so systematic, but hey what can you do? just consider yourself lucky you have the choices you do, some people aren't so lucky. I'm just scared of wasting youth and life. I don't even know where i'm going with this pointless babbling. Anyway I hope everyone finds happiness, I recommend Woody Allen movies.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi There, having been inspired to join purely after reading your text, I can empathise with how you are feeling. The suggestions made are all genuine, heart felt and practical. The truth lies within you, and the right questions can set you free, help you find the answers, explore your wisdom and empower you to take action. I know this because I have done it myself through coaching, and having done so have found my niche in life. It has enriched my friendships and relationships, encouraged me to think and dare to dream, but most of all it has set me free from the dark. I would be more than happy to help you, I have been given my life back, it seems as though I can help to give you yours. I do not want money, time, committment and a real interest from you are far more valued.

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This is an interesting thread. People posting don't like mathematics. I think it is wonderful but I'd doubt I'd be able to pass the degree. It is a funny old world. Maybe the grass is just always greener ? Hey guys be happy with what you have at the moment and try to make the most of it until you can work at getting something better. Life is a journey sort of advice. Lame but it is true.

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  • 2 months later...

i typed in lost in life in googel too.

 

when I read this post i felt I was reading about my life. I have a bachelor's in mathematics and have no clue what to do with my life. I have so many interests and can do so many well, but I don't love anything. I have friends that can't live without music or playing a certain sport. I don't have anything like that, peole complement me on my art skills, soccer, cooking, etc... but nothing i can't go a day without. Also the friend thing, I have some friends that we consider best friends, we have out often, but I don't talk to them about my deep feelings. I probably have trust issues or something, because I don't have anyone to talk about deeply about.

 

I do suggest traveling. I lived in Spain for a year and found out the things I don't want to do. I talked to many interesting people and saw amazing places.

 

I'm still lost, but feel slightly more accomplished after living in another country.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Most of us tend to feel lost in life, because we have lost touch with our hearts out of fear of being hurt in some way. By hearts, I am referring to that part of ourselves that gives us a sense of purpose and is filled with joy when that purpose is being fulfilled. Because our hearts never lie to us and the fact that we all have a purpose in life to fulfill, our hearts are always pushing us to act in a way that fulfills our purpose in life. To act upon what our heart is telling us is not often easy or comfortable, since it opens us up to being hurt in one way or another through the conflict it generates with those around us.

 

When we are younger this hurt can "teach" us that it is more comfortable to ignore our hearts in order to avoid conflict. By doing so we quickly learn to justify our decisions based on fear as being the reasonable thing to do. When this habit becomes ingrained then the justification is almost unnecessary, in that one's mind is simply waiting for someone or something to tell it what to do next.

 

So what does one do to free oneself from this mindset? You have to first decide whether you would rather live comfortable albeit boring life until you are fertilizer or whether you would like to live an exciting and fulfilling life even though you will be hurt now and then. If go with the latter option, then you will have to fight like your life depends on it to find what truly makes your heart sing and to learn to follow it. To find what makes your heart sing isn't so complicated in that it only requires that you be truly honest with yourself about how you feel about your current life and it's direction. Does it fill you with joy and excitement to think about or does it leave you feeling bored and trapped?

 

If you feel bored and trapped by your current life, then there is a way to change its course in order to find the fulfillment that you long for, but it requires you to learn to handle your fear as you work at following your heart.

 

As an example, JoshD you long for companionship and loyalty, but the truth is that when one looks for someone else to make them feel fulfilled they end up in the situation you now find yourself in. They end up anywhere between being disappointed and being kicked in the teeth! You, like lonely_chinese_guy, are looking outside of yourself to find some sense of completion, but you will never find it this way simply because you are looking in the wrong place. The only way for you find that fulfillment you long for is to make friends with yourself, to build a real relationship with yourself. Have you asked yourself why you spend your time with: “this psycho who is his father is the weirdest most jealous and jvuinelle ass **** I have ever met” ? Where do you come into the equation? What do you truly know about yourself? Try to answer these questions for yourself as honestly as you can. Just remember that to start finding answers to who you really are is to face true fear.

 

If you go link removed you can also get a huge amount of help in learning how to get to know yourself and thereby freeing yourself from the sense of being lost.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks. But I think it runs deeper. See, after my lower spine started deterrorating, it left me with some limits... working is one because when it goes out the employers won't give me a week or two off 3 times a year... I can't afford to get away from this psycho... I apply for jobs and get no responses. I have an income but I hate it. I live with suicidal thoughts because of the abuse I had from a dad and from others in my life ... I hate thinking about my childhhod there wasn't anything good about it... But today, I... I lost 165 pounds. I can not afford to get tummy tuck so... my social life is a ZERO! Without companionship and SEX... life is empty my friend and cold. It's different when you can have sex but don't desire it... but when you have had a castration due to chronic prostate trouble when I was 17, where do I go for pleasure or filling my life up??? I want a lover but I am so far out of that ever happening I live in a world I hate... You can't love someone - what the hell is there in life to hold onto?? Religion? Please. I want a life and could buy one if I had the money to change the problems about myself. I couldn't go for transgender surgery... no money! My insurance won't pay to help me... Everyone has a right to love, and be loved... but when you find oyurself with those kinds of body problems... there's no way to win back a life... No one wnats to be with a freak and I am left that way... see... it goes deeper than just taking someone's crap... I took care of a friend who died three years ago... he had heart valve replacements, and diabetes and kidney failure and stroke... and when he died I was lost... three years of taking care of this guy with a wealthy sister who wouldn't help... was like a freaking movie... if I oculd move on I would/... but to live where under a bridge?? Sometimes in life we alwauys turn our heads and see someone homeless or living on the street and say, "They chose that." I think people who say that to themselves make an excuse not to help them or to think it will NEVER happen to them... I didn't stand up in my sixth grade class when asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" And reply, a sexless, freak of nature everyone looks away from... a modern day Quizimoto? I'm not ugly or freaky looking but I just need a hand up... and Oprah don't have shows for helping many men or transgender people change for the better of their lives. I don't like the loneliness. The quiet is so loud it's like a car alarm... how do you shut it off... I'll tell you... you hang yourself. You get it over with... because not every human being is a gladitor who can get through life no matter what. I could have taken losing a leg, a finger... even being blind or whatever... but inside my spirit wants to be with someone... or be freed from the hell no one understands but those trapped inside it... $35,000.00 who pay for my to see Dr. Marci Bowers in Colorado and change my life forever. But... I can't earn it... I hope I didn't freighten you off... I'm a human being. I bleed.

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  • 8 months later...

I don't know how much advice I can really give to anyone. I'm 22 with no kids, no dependents, lots of friends and a broken mind. Im taking time off from school to "get my mind right" and although I have lots of people who want to help, like a sickly patient i'm rejecting all forms of help and advice. Many call me lazy, some say stupid, but I feel they're following this path society has beaten and they see me sitting in the bushes on the side of it and feel bad. With no one to follow, no dreams for motivation, or plan for the future, i'm moving. Please excuse me if none of this makes sense. I've been babysitting my grandfather for about a month and my mind is numbing.

 

I'm not going to give you advice on how to get back on track because I can't, all I can give is a different perspective. I can say I'm "lost" too. But maybe lost isn't the word to describe it. I could also say I'm independent; free of all mental obligation to the normal future. From what i've seen, in school, daily life etc. many people are not given the opportunity to be "lost." Everyone seems to have a story, or a dream, or a role model. Their never "lost." In that, the ones I've noticed, those not "lost", have found that they fit comfortably in society. They don't question their happiness and even if they do they are some how able to justify whatever it is their doing and move on. If you look closely and think hard we might just be able to justify our own actions or lack there of. That we are not built to fit in society, we're unable to walk on the path everyone else has. Perhaps the reason sports, music etc. hasn't helped for you is that you need something new all together. What your looking for doesn't exist, yet. there's no path to follow no one to look up to, and although intimidating, be proud. You don't need to travel alone and by all means you shouldn't, but know that those people are friends, or acquaintances, not guides. It's an opportunity to be an outlier. Resist the tug of popular sediment, this is an opportunity to take part in a passion unrestricted by design.

 

I know these are probably not the responses you wanted to read however I feel I need to share my thoughts. In my humble opinion, your not lost, you just didn't get there yet. keep on keeping on.

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  • 1 year later...

i too typed "lost in life" into google and this was the first thing that came up. i'm generally lost in life. i've felt this way since being in high school, im 22 at the moment. i have no idea what career i want, where i want to live and so on... sometimes i have this overpowering feeling to just run, run away from all of my troubles and commitments. i thought i wanted to settle down but going through some bad experiences in relationships who knows what i want? the only one thing for sure that i know i want to do is travel, (wow by writing that it seems clear that i know what i need to do... the only con with that is that i absolutely hate leaving a job, making new friends, change. to move forward in life i guess i need to overcome that.

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