How do you stop having feelings for someone?

Hey Guys/Gurls

Okay so I post here quite often, but those of you who don't know me I'm 17 almost 18. I'm in college doing A-leves at the moment in Childcare and

Dance.

I have a part time job at college where I have to work after/during college in the science laboratory. Anyway, I have started to develop feelings for a teacher there, he's new (well he started in September) and I have grown increasingly fond of him. I wont/haven't made any inappropriate

moves to him, I'd never do that because of the boundary issues and because he has a girlfriend I have heard him mention he briefly in the lab.

I feel really close to him and when we talk to each other, I feel sooo weird! I mean I start getting annoyingly clumsy and I have this smile of my face all the time and I tremble like crazy!

It hurts because I want to date him so much and I find myself constantly thinking about him. It's not like I can even avoid him because I work with him and see him everyday. I DO keep busy and try thinking of other things to stop me thinking of him but nothing works!!

I'm sooo stupid to allow these feelings to grow stronger but I have no control over my heart. He's just got to be the most sweetest person I ave met. He never allows me to over work myself, he always says hello when he sees me, he asks me how I am and I have caught him staring at me a coule of times unless I'm imagining things.

So how do you stop feelings for someone? I have tried and I know it's something that takes time but it's hurting me! He's one of these people who all the gurls have crushes on, but it's not a crush, I now him better than school students because I work with him.

What do I do! Please help, I get really stressed and depressed when I'm trying to blot him out of my life!

I enjoy having these feelings for him, but I hate how he might not feel anything back, I love him being inside my head, but I want him to WANT to be inside my head. Am I confusing you? sorry ..

Sorry that this post is so long, I hope things are working out the way you want them too in your life!

Laura *hugs*

How much time do you have outside of work and school to get out and socialize? If you work too much, most of the social interaction you have is likely at work, which could cause your crushes and close relationships to develop there. If you do work a lot, maybe you should consider setting some time aside every week to get out more and meet more people outside of school and work.

Well I need my job to help pay foy me daily needs, books, lunch, clothes etc ... I work from 8:30 until 5:30 and I love every minute of it. Even if the lab has all it's staff there, their still under staffed which means I can't take much time off and I use my weekends for coursework.

I have no control over my heart...

I used to believe this, too. But the fact is, you *DO* have control over your heart and who's in it and who isn't... You have these feelings because you WANT to have these feelings. Just 'stopping' doesn't work - trust me, I know... But, you have control over what goes in there. If you truly want to get him out, push him out. Tell yourself he's married, tell yourself he's gay, tell yourself anything you have to... Tell yourself he cannot stand you but he fakes it because you have to work together....

I know that last one sounds a bit much, but it works better than you might think..........

Another suggestion is to remove yourself from the situation. I gave up a job I loved very much because I just couldn't handle being around someone else I had feelings for.... (with no chance of reciprocation)

It's difficult to think these things about him whenyou know for a fact their not true.

I'm so confused about my feelings and I envy his girlfriend so much. I just wish he was mine.

I know you do... And it is the wishing, hoping, wanting that will tear you to shreds... I don't want you to think I am some cold, heartless person... Not at all... I am trying to save you from months (years?) of heartache and heartbreak.... Just remember that you do not want to be the one responsible for breaking up his current relationship... Keep that in mind, and that might help you keep a bit of your distance.... I know this is hard....

I don't want to really give up my job because I love it so much, I'm a friendly environment and the children are awsome and well behaved (which is rare) and it's helping me achieve my career in life since I want to work in the biology area.

I have found my comfort zone at long last. It's just this guy is the only bump in the road. I don't think your heartless person what so ever and I really really appreciate the help and advice your giving me, I really do.

It's just, I had strong feelings for someone before who I went to college with and when he left to start a new job it broke my heart and I'm still trying to get over him even now. I don't want to lose this guy, he's special to me in a very unique kind of way. I don't think I can just let go ...

I just get so sick of giving up my feelings for someone I can't have you know ..

Yeap... I know exactly how you feel... You are going to have a rough go of it, but you do have control over your feelings... You may not feel like it at times, but if you can remind yourself of that, it will help you through this.... Another thing to think about is that even when you are having these feelings (there is nothing ever WRONG with the feelings you have), it is HOW you react to those feelings (or do NOT react) that makes you who you are. Sometimes, we react in a way that we do not like, but then hopefully that becomes a learning experience and we grow from it....

I did not mean to imply that you can always control your feelings.... But, rather what you DO with those feelings....

I do like the ideas offered above (finding other things to do, other people to hang out with, etc...) though I know how hard that can be too....

I know, I understand, It's difficult for me to have a social life since, I spend all my day at college and weekends studying.

I have 3 very close friends who I spend time with so I don't get an opportunity to meet new people. I'm not that confident either. I really don't want it to come down to getting a new job because I love where I work now.

Do you think I could just post here and talk to you about it when things get rwally hurtful? I just need someone to talk it over with, sometimes it's not so easy trying to talk to your friends. They don't always understand

I have a lame theory that you never stop caring about people you once loved, no matter how poorly things go. Time may diminish the memory, but it still remains in the hazy past.

I still have a fondness for a lady I once lived with in the 70s. She moved out and got married to a guy one day without even leaving a note. Hurt real bad. If I met her today, I'd hug her.

Why not?

But if you don't learn to let go then your never going to be able to move on? I can't keep these feelings because I will only keep hurting myself and the more I try to spite myself about how e will never have feelins back the pain I cause myself.

Time will deaden the pain. You'll gradually replace your thoughts with other things, new experiences and friends. With time, you hurt and anger will die off and you'll have fond memories of this guy you knew. Healing is the perfect term for this process beacuse the wounds heal, the pain fades and you'll be whole again. Just like a physical injury, nature takes its course.

You were looking for a guy when you met him, right? It'll happen again.

Time will deaden the pain. You'll gradually replace your thoughts with other things, new experiences and friends. With time, you hurt and anger will die off and you'll have fond memories of this guy you knew. Healing is the perfect term for this process beacuse the wounds heal, the pain fades and you'll be whole again. Just like a physical injury, nature takes its course.

Exactly. Somewhere in your heart you will always love the person. But as time goes on you get occupied with other things that push aside thoughts and feelings of the person.

I have yet to find a way to consciously get over someone while constantly being around them

The only thing that has worked for me is NC, and unfortunately, thats not possible in all circumstances =/

Laura - Absolutely! This site is exactly for that kind of thing - posting here when it seems no one else around will actually LISTEN to you... ;-) And, if you ever want to talk privately, you can PM me or others on here. We may not always be able to help, but we can always listen....

Traz - Exactly! NC helps tremendously.... And, no, it isn't always possible...

Dako - I do not think it is a lame theory at all.... Frankly, I don't see how anyone could claim to have loved someone else and then feel absolutely nothing afterward.... Just because things don't work out, it does not mean you have to stop caring about that person.... Not everyone sees things that way, which (to me) is truly unfortunate....

I've given this a lot of thought, since I still love my stbx wife.

I'd honestly give anything to be able to despise her. That way the pain would be replaced with something that gives me control.

Sadly, I just can't even get annoyed by her. I'm a wimp!

I just feel an empty space inside of me. I have noticed it now more than ever this year. Nothing seems to fill it, not friends, not family not work, but whenever I'm around *David I feel completely whole as though nothing else matters as long as I'm stood with him and talking.

The worst part is, he has absolutely no idea how I feel, and I kind of hate him for being with someone else; and I realise how selfish that is. When I walk home at night about ... 6:30, it's pitch black, no street lights and Whittenal Avenue is completely deserted and I'm so afraid. I just wish he was right next to me where I'd feel safe.

Why am I noticing this space now? Why now when everything else is running smoothly. I can't fill this emptyness. Should I worry I even know about this emptyness at 17? I'm not a little girl anymore who has little crushes and giggles whenever theres a boy about. I'm a young woman now, doing A-levels and trying to be a good person in life, by being there for other people, comforting them, and yet no-one is there for me. Sometimes you need "more than" a friend to be there ..

I aren't even sure if I'm making sense ..

Exactly. Somewhere in your heart you will always love the person. But as time goes on you get occupied with other things that push aside thoughts and feelings of the person.

This is so poignantly TRUE!

Laura:

I've been going through similar situation (But I'm luckier because the person I've fallen for is in a college class, so we see each other only once a week.)

Well, I'm starting to overcome the hurtful feelings of having terribly strong feelings while not being reciprocated. It really takes a lot of self-control. I keep telling myself this is infatuation, and I DO NOT want to dwell on this.

At times, it was really difficult to stop missing my crush and analyzing the situation. I wrote down my thoughts in a journal. it's a way to get unwanted feelings out and lock them away - "put the devil to rest", so to speak.

I don't mean to offend, but to be very honest, I think you are the only person that can truly help yourself in situation like this. If you choose to indulge in unrequited feelings, the hurtful thoughts will just keep going on. So, you need to "wake up" and exert self-control. That means to remind yourself very consciously not to fall into the trap of emotions.

I really hope you can overcome. Take care.

I know I'm nagging and ranting .. but I really need someone to just undertsand where I'm coming from. My sister once told me that when your in love, that person fills a space that you never knew existed, and so a while ago long before David* came in to the picture, I loved someone who again I couldn't have for the very same reason as now. The problem is, when they went away, I knew I had this space, and David has filled it.

I now have this empty space, that once again is becoming empty because I have to accept that I can never have them. Why do I have to suffer? It's just an endless line of falling in love with people I cannot have and I can never ever tell my heart to stop messing with my head.

Dako - Even when you can despise her, the feeling doesn't last. You go back to loving her before long. But it does provide some relief.

unicornq - Thanks! Hope you are dealing with your situation well. I agree, writing in a journal can be great medicine. And while I agree that you do have to make the effort yourself, I think that sometimes you can't force youself to think and feel differently then you do. Sometimes you just have to let things run its course.

Laura Ashley - I love someone who is currently seeing someone else. She filled a place that I didn't know existed, gave me hope for things I had lost hope on. The pain is overwhelming at times. I've been battling it for a couple months now and I still feel just as hurt and in love as I did originally. I ask myself the same questions. And I really wished I knew the answers. All I do know is that one day we will find someone, I honestly believe that. Have faith that it will happen.

I just want to stop having feelings for people who I can't have because it hurts, and half the time I aren't sure if your suppose to listen to your heart or your head.

Everyone else my age have had really meaningful relationships and are in current relationships and I just feel left out and alone. I have no idea what it's like to be with someone who love you as much you love them. I'm so sick of waiting for that someone to walk in to my life or for me to walk in to theirs.

I just wish this David could see me as more than a friend.

If the person is with someone else, you have to listen to your head. If you don't, it will lead to more heartache and pain because of all the negative things that will happen if you try to pursue it. I know it stinks, and you feel just like forgetting everything and going after it. Normally I'm the first person to say follow your heart. But this is the one case where you shouldn't.

I'm sick of waiting too. I often wonder why everyone else finds someone and I don't. It can be lonely and depressing. All I know is that the one thing that keeps me going is hope. I know that when I do find someone to love me as much as I love them, someone I can have a real relationship with, that it will be magical and better then anything I've dreamed of.

Trying NC is going be very difficult as I work with him everyday, I talk to him everyday and the more I see him the more I love him

I have tried to stop my feelings I am trying soooooooo hard but it's everytime I try to blot him out he's there!!!! ](*,)I can't help it, I need the job to keep me going through A-levels and for extra cash and I'm not giving it up.

He talks to me, and all I can do is smile and fight back tears and I hurt so badly. I keep thinking of that one day, when that someone walks in to my life, but I find it hard to believe that, when I'm hooked on somone now

I'm confused