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Thread: My girlfriend and our physical relationship

  1. #1
    Mr Oro
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    Question My girlfriend and our physical relationship

    Hi there, me and my girlfriend have almost been going out for 2 years now, and lately we haven't done anything "physical".

    I talked to her about it, and she says she doesn't really get those kinda feelings at all. When pressed a little further, she told me about the only other time she did anything 'physical' beyond kissing. It was with the b/f b4 me, who was quite the donkey. She wasn't really comfortable with what they were doing, and got somewhat forced into it i think.

    So now, my question is what should we do about it? We think it's one of two things: 1.) She doesn't have a sex drive b/c of her bad experience (or) 2.) Shes not physically attracted to me

    I dont think its the latter since she says she doesn't have those thoughts about other passing guys she sees, so I'm stuck. I don't know how to proceed, any ideas?

  2. #2
    RayKay
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    What was your physical relationship like before?

    It could very well be past experiences, but after two years, she would also know you are not her ex. My guess is actually she has low libido, or she has lost interest in you. I don't mean physically, I mean that she is feeling an emotional disconnect - for many people, feeling emotionally disconnected is carried over into intimate disconnection too.

    I do advise she talk to her doctor, because if it IS low libido, there are things that can be done to change that. Either changing her current birth control, or with certain supplements (ie testosterone), and so forth.

    At the same time, you two should also be looking at the relationship as a whole, you have to look at ways to make her want it, and it's not just by lighting candles and putting on music! It's about the way she feels around you in general, and about herself.

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    Day_Walker
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    It is possible that she has a low libido or there could be other factors at work. I would advise that you want to get her to open up to you. Create an environment where you are supportive and see if she opens up to you about her past. There could be deeper reasons why she has this particular issue.
    Last edited by Day_Walker; 11-29-2005 at 03:35 PM.

  4. #4
    chai714
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    The possiblities are endless as to why your girlfriend doesn't want anything physical. She may have been abused before and now suffers from sexual dysfunction, she may be debating leaving you, she may be depressed, . . . the list goes on. So how do you get to the ROOT of it all? Maybe encourage her to see a psychologist with you or take her to see one? It's tough to call, but your relationship can't last without at least some physical element otherwise you're simply in a friendship (that you think, is a relationship). Good luck.

  5. #5
    Tigris
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    I suggest you go to a Natural Therapy shop (the one in England's called Holland & Barrett) and buy her some 'Horny Goat Weed'. My Fiance is a Natural Therapist and she told me about it when I said one of my friend's was having problems. It worked!

    Good luck

  6. #6
    Mr Oro
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    Well the thing about going to a doctor is she's kinda embrassed about it and i don't think that she's really up to it. She feels like they won't get anywhere. I realize this is not the case, but convincing her that its not could be difficult.

    Also, I hadn't really thought too much into being overly romantic and making her really wanting it either. I suppose thats something I can try. It's slightly difficult to set up a room tho (we're both in college) since I live in a triple and she lives in a double. (In the dorms) So its rare for me to have the room alone, and she does have times however she's concerned that her roommate will walk in. She doesn't wanna set up a system to tell her to not come in either b/c she's not comfortable with it.

    Before this, we'd do things just about once a week-ish, but apparently she said even then she still didn't feel that into it, she just kinda went with it. So yea, it does kinda feel like we are just very close friends as of right now, not much more than that, hopefully we'll figure something out.

  7. #7
    Vanilla
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    how old is she?

  8. #8
    Mr Oro
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    She turned 19 recently, I'm a little bit older than her, less than a year.

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    Vanilla
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    all i can think is she has a bad experience or just NO sex drive. is she on medications or bcps?? that could have something to do with it.

  10. #10
    Mr Oro
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    She's on medicine, but its simple stuff like allergy medicine. She started some newer ones recently, but that's besides the point.

    The only reason I say that is b/c apparently from the start of our physical relationship she didn't really want to do much of anything. I'm pretty sure it was the bad experience but I'm not sure.

    Also, after looking into that Horny Goat Weed stuff I found some online, my only concern is she's taking other medicines right now so taking that with it might not be the best idea. On top of that, I haven't presented the idea to her yet, but I don't think she's gonna wanna take one more pill as she already complains about how much medicine she takes.

    However, that's not to say I still won't try. I think I'll try and ask her about it, maybe do a Google search with her and find it via that and say "Hey, maybe we should try some of this!" something like that.

    If anyone else has any ideas, please lemme know. I'd like to try and find an answer that doesn't involve a pill but if it comes down to it that's gonna be my last resort. (I like to solve things without drugs if its possible, not to knock the pharmecutical industry or ne thing, its just how i feel)

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