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Thread: Men Only Please. What is with the mixed signals?

  1. #1
    Spicy baby
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    Men Only Please. What is with the mixed signals?

    A group of girls and I got togrther and we started discussing men. The topic lead to mixed signals. We all were a little confused as to why men seem to give off mixed signals?, and what are some of the signals that men give off when they are interested in you? and what subtle signals can we give you to help you along?

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    darkblue
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    Men who send mixed signals when they are interested in a woman are probably simply doing it in order to 'test' their female as to how much they far, and how much they will persue.

    And the same goes with reverse genders - of course.

    Why do the signals have to be subtle?..

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    Bigbilly
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    Well, suppose he is, at one moment, aggresive and charming. At another moment, he is still friendly, but not pursuing you as heavily as he was before. He may be trying to see if the interest is mutual, meaning he's throwing chum in the water and seeing if anything comes. If you are interested in him, that's your cue to get a little aggresive right back, to let him know for sure that you're receptive to his advances.

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    atraceofblood
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    what I'm wondering is why is it so hard both ways to figure out whether anyone's interested in anyone? This happens to me with girls too.

    To answer your question on mixed signals, I personally make a lot of eye contact, and shy away when the girls start looking at me. If we lock eyes, I'll want to smile, but still feel like shying away, UNLESS the girl smiles at me. But that's as far as I've really gotten to get a chance to show interest anyway. I guess if the guy is always talking to you or something, then he likes you.

    For girls to give signals to guys, I think it would be great if they initiated conversation or made a move of some sort, such as asking to hang out, or calling the guy, or something to that extent.

    I think if you really want to find out, you're just gonna have to be direct, instead of figuring out signs. Maybe ask him out on a date or something, and see if he shows any interest in that. Then you might figure something out. I'd like to follow my own advice because I struggle with these things too, and here is what I wish to say, "never assume."
    Last edited by atraceofblood; 11-12-2005 at 01:32 AM.

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    rachelb
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    That's the thing I don't get - guys say you should just tell them if you like them or give them definite signals BUT then they say that they love the chase and they don't want a girl that's too easy to get!

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    atraceofblood
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    Quote Originally Posted by rachelb
    That's the thing I don't get - guys say you should just tell them if you like them or give them definite signals BUT then they say that they love the chase and they don't want a girl that's too easy to get!
    everyone is different so it depends from guy to guy. I'd prefer a girl to somehow directly tell me if she's interested, by maybe asking me out to hang out, calling me, initiation convos, etc. Or maybe I'm the only guy who'd actually prefer this?

  7. #7
    corvidae
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    Well, I agree with the above poster. One of the problems is when you start thinking in terms of just 'men'. Men are very diverse, and you will find many different personality types. Some like the chase; I would recommend avoiding these people as they are 'game players' and simply want the thrill of the pursuit. Personally, I hate playing games of any kind. I think that the best way to start a relationship is through honesty and with you both giving...not with one chasing and the other running away. That sets up an unworkable power-dynamic.

    So, onto those pesky mixed signals. Well, firstly I think women are just as bad, if not worse, than men when it comes to mixed signals. Sometimes a woman will act very friendly with a guy because she's NOT interested, and ignore a guy because she IS interested and that makes her nervous. Sometimes when a woman is interested she will go out of her way to appear to NOT be interested because she thinks that it's 'not a woman's place' to show interest in men.

    All of these things are essentially defense mechanisms designed to stop us looking stupid and/or gettin hurt. If there's a girl, and I don't know her all that well, but I am attracted to her, well first of all I'll be quite defensive while I try to find out what her personality is like. This is a probe, designed to test the waters to see if I'm likely to get burned or not. If all goes well, I'll start to show more interest, but if I perceive that this interest is not being returned I'll become defensive again. Why? Simplely because there's no such thing as a definite signal, and as humans we tend to assume the worst and err on the side of caution. If it turns out she's not interested, I want to find that out before I've made my feelings clear.

    OK, so what am I so scared of? Well, rejection for one thing. It's rather painful and I'd like to avoid it. But here's the thing, even if you are interested and she's not, it's doesn't really feel like rejection unless you make your feelings known to her and then she says 'no'. If you keep your feelings to yourself and find out she's not interested, then somehow that's OK. Don't ask me why, the human mind is a funny thing. But that's why I don't feel women who send out signals are making the 'first move' a signal is just a probe to test the water, not a 'move'. Secondly, I'm scared of my friends, acquaintances, co-workers, that guy who looks like he's watching, from finding out I was rejected. Being rejected is about as humiliating as doing the chicken-hustle in nothing but a giant diaper in front of all your friends and relations. Women seem to think that men have an extra gene that means we can just ask people out whenever we feel like it and not feel any consequences...nonsense. It's just as hard for us as it is for you, and we'd much rather avoid making a move on someone unless we know we are going to get a yes. Being rejected makes me question every aspect of myself, it makes me feel useless and ugly. Not nice, huh.

    OK, lastly, because I know you're getting bored now. People are really really complicated. Sometimes there's a girl who I think I like, but am not sure. Or, I like them until I find out something about them or get to know them better, then it turns out they weren't the person I thought they were. Cats, for example. I like cats, and if someone I am attracted to turns out to hate cats then I'm NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE! Also, sometimes I'm just in a bad mood. Even if I like you, if I'm in a bad mood, I probably won't be all that nice. Sorry, but people have bad moods sometimes.

    Right! Anyway. I think these things are easier if you don't try to 'work people out' People are complex and sometimes it just better to be a good, kind person and then react to things as they happen. Make allowances, be understanding and try not to let negative emotions get the better of you.

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    bobster
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    This is such a great topic! Mixed signals from women is quite honestly the bain of my life just now!

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    Spicy baby
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    It is true that each situation and person is different, but how do we distinguish the difference between friendship and something more? Basically what signals would you give a girl to test the waters, to show her "Hey I am into you were not just friends, anymore I want more". How is she able to to tell the difference? and if she saw the signs and wanted more too, what could she do to show she is receptive and that all now you do is have to ask her out. I am just thinking that when it comes to people we treat everyone differently what we say and do with one person doesn't work for another, but if you really like a girl and want to be with her what are you going to do say that so to tell her that with out actually telling her that.

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    Belle
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    Quote Originally Posted by rachelb
    That's the thing I don't get - guys say you should just tell them if you like them or give them definite signals BUT then they say that they love the chase and they don't want a girl that's too easy to get!
    Um, it's pretty simple. Guys say things that would give them more power but that doesn't mean it succeeds in making them happy. Men would love for women to chase them, but do they marry them? No. They think they're easy because the women have forgotten the fundamental rule. Men are the hunters.

    An analogy is when a woman says she wants a guy to treat her like a princess but when she gets such a guy she walks all over him, takes him for granted, then throws him away.

    Learn to distinguish white noise from what really works with the opposite sex. And all of that hooey about men all being so different... Come on now.

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