Still no intimacy 6 months after baby

I have tried to find information as to why my BF still doesn't want to have sex, but everything is about women not wanting it. Nothing during the pregnancy either... It has been almost a year and a half and I am at the end of my rope. I'm dying to find anyone who has been through this experience.

I have often heard that sometimes a man's perception of his partner changes after she has a baby, or witnesses childbirth. You are no longer his WIFE and sexual partner, but a MOTHER. It can be confusing and conflicting for some men. During pregnancy, they may fear hurting the baby, or they may be self conscious of having sex with a child developing.

Often too after a woman has a child, the man can feel "excluded" from the bond, so its important to keep fostering that relationship between the two of you, and involve him in the new family unit.

Some questions:

How did he react to the pregnancy?

Was he in room with you when you gave birth, what was his reaction?

How involved is he with baby, and with you as well?

Do you try and initiate sex? Have you talked to HIM about what is wrong?

Some men are just freaked out at the concept of having sex with a pregnant woman, while others love it! It's kind of that "Mother/Madonna" complex. All of the sudden you are a MOTHER, a woman who is carrying his child. Now that the baby is born, it may be hard to get back into those rhythms again. Did he watch the birth? I have a male friend who had some trouble seeing his wife sexually after watching the birth of their baby.

Have you talked to him about this? What does he say?

(congrats on the baby, BTW!)

I think you should take this as a sign, unless their are extenuating circumstances there is a high probabilty that something else is going on.

He was happy about the pregnancy before I even knew how I felt. He's great with the baby although he works out of town a lot so I do sometimes feel resentful. But seriously...great with the baby. He was in the delivery room. He stayed near my head for all but a peek. He seemed okay. He did absolutely everything for the baby in the first week when I was tired and sore. I almost feel like he's going overboard with the father role and neglecting the partner role he play in the family. He says it's natural for man to have decreased desire after he procreates, yadda, yadda...read it in a book or something. Yes- I've tried initiating a few times around the 3 month mark. It was awkward. I finally gave up, waited a long time, brought it up, brought it up again... and on and on. I feel like I've passed the point of no return. He says he's trying to make tiny steps, which he is, but they're barely noticeable and I am automatically conditioned to shrug it off. I'm so mad about it and I can't get over it.

Have you tried dressing up for him? How about getting one of your parents to watch the baby overnight and you two go out to dinner and try to reconnect as a couple, and not just the parents of this baby?

I have seen it where one or the other overdoes the new parent role and kind of forgets the partner in the interum, but it's important that he knows that you have needs too, and that it's been almost a year and a half and that both of you need intimacy and to feel connected with each other as a couple too.

What do you think?

I'm so frustrated. I have said all of this to him so many times. As for dressing up- I don't feel like it. I was always super skinny. Yes, I lost most of the weight, but your body doesn't bounce back immediately. It bothers me. And I feel like it's not my turn to make the effort. I did already.

I'm sorry that this has been so hard for you. Have you tried to arrange a night off without the baby so it can be just the two of you?

How long have you been together?

Although it's hard when it's so frustrating, I think that the way you approach him has alot to do with his response too. If you come up to him upset and clearly aggravated frustrated, he is not going to respond desireably, but if you send the baby off to Mom's for the night and he comes home to you in a teddy and a bottle of wine, maybe he will remember that you are SEXY, and not just MOM.

What do you think?

I'm so frustrated. I have said all of this to him so many times. As for dressing up- I don't feel like it. I was always super skinny. Yes, I lost most of the weight, but your body doesn't bounce back immediately. It bothers me. And I feel like it's not my turn to make the effort. I did already.

If you want to save the relationship, you need to make an effort. I know you feel at this point that it's "his turn" and that "he owes it to you", but that hasn't gotten you anywhere, has it?

There's nothing wrong with a few extra pounds. When you give birth your hips tend to widen and, esp if you are nursing right now, you get more curvy and voluptious, take advantage of that sexy body!

I am sure that you are tired and very busy taking care of the new baby, but your relationship is suffering too and it's going to take some energy to get it back on track.

Nagging him about it (if that's how you've approached it, I really don'y know) isn't going to get you anywhere.

Why not show him how sexy you still are?

I agree you need to look at the approach. Nagging and complaining is not the best way, nor at this point has it worked, right?

Hope has some good suggestions.

And here is the thing, if you DO send baby to mom's and dress up...if he is not into it and wants to just cuddle and talk anyway....DO NOT GET MAD. It's been a while since you have been intimate, it's going to take some time to get it back.

But you do need to put effort in, it's not "just up to him" now because if you did that, and have attitude it's his turn, I guarantee you won't be getting anywhere!

Learn to tempt, and withdraw, turn on, and then cool yourself off, and see how he reacts. Remember flirting?

If all else fails, I suggest counselling, marital counselling first, maybe sexual counselling if your therapist advises it, because this IS becoming a problem for you, him and will pollute the relationship.