"Considering my age, I think it's justified."

I kind of came in on this a little late, but thought I'd give my input anyways. For the past 3 years I believed that I was scared of committment. I dated the same guy for 3.5 years, all throughout highschool, and when we broke up midway through senior year, I was so lost. After I recovered, I never wanted to feel like that again, so I never really let myself get too close to a guy. I didn't want to waste another 3.5 years of my life on someone who wasn't going to work out. The thing is, I wasn't afraid of committment... I was afraid of committing to the wrong person... I realised this when I met the guy I'm dating now. When we first started talking, I warned him about my problem... as soon as I start getting close, I bolt. I told him to go as slow as possible and just get to know me, but the more we hung out, the more comfortable I got, and the fear of committment just faded away. I don't think there is such a thing as a fear of committment... it's just something people say alot. I think it's more of committment to the wrong thing. I know for a fact, that if you're sure that you want to be with someone, there are no fears at all as to what is going to happen, if it will work out, if the relationship will last...etc... because even if it dosen't last forever, the time you get will be worth it. Anywayz, thats my input. She seems to young and immature for you. As far as dating guys that she dosen't get close to, she probably just isn't that into them. After my relationship ended in highschool, I went on several meaningless dates with several meaningless guys just to get my mind off of my ex... to try adn get over him... maybe thats what she's doing?

I'm glad that you are going out with other women, because it will help you to take your mind off this loser. I hope that goes well. Talk to her alot. See what you both may have in common. You'll have a good time, I'm sure.

Dating other people to explore what's out there is cool. However, I don't at all like the idea of going on "meaningless dates with other guys" just to get your mind off someone. It basically sounds like someone is getting used to improve another's emotional well-being. That's not right at all, in my opinion. You should take care of yourself by yourself and then date when you are ready in light of the risk that someone could be hurt.

This is a pet-peeve of mine because I once dated a girl who did this to me. Because I was immature, young, and stupid, I allowed this to go on for 3 years. Looking back, I realize that our entire relationship was just one long "rebound" for this girl. She just used to me for sex and to get over and get back at an ex who cheated on her and dumped her. Everything that we did she had to tell this guy. I can remember a time (this really pissed me off) where we were eating pizza in my dorm, and she had the nerve to call up her ex from MY PHONE, let him know what was going on, and ask him about other girls he was seeing. Eventually, I got to the point where I said HIM or ME - make a choice get the hell out. I never heard his name again. I gave her a very hard time, and demanded respect if she wanted to be in a relationship with me. Eventually, she bailed out because she found someone else more interesting who didn't put up a fight like me. Last I heard about her, she's been in and out of mostly shallow relationships just for sex.

It is NOT ok to roll over on people for your own selfish purposes. That's my point. If you have a problem, you fix it yourself and then you go out looking for someone.

Very right, PhillyGuy. I'm unsure about this new girl, but hey ...a few dates might be fun anyways. The nice thing about being a little more experienced is that you stop falling in love with people by the second date. She's a nice, interesting girl with a good sense of humor, so at the very least I might make a new friend. Even if we don't really become serious.

And thanks for the input, shorty20. For my ex, I don't know if was fear of the wrong thing, or just wanting to "see what else is out there". From what she told me, it sounded more like the latter. We really had no reason to break up; we got along great, complimented each other nicely, liked a lot of the same things. Then she got to college, and *bam*, suddenly there's all the problems.

Whatever.

I have no idea if she's just jumping onto the dating scene to try and get over me. I'm not going to read her livejournal anymore, so my insight is pretty limited.

NewPhillyGuy:

I know it wasn't the right thing to do, and I probably could have stated it better. Meaningless dates with meaningless guys sounds harsh... I didn't however string anyone along for three years, nor did I ever give them the impression that it would be a long term thing... they were just that.... dates.... so although I don't condone my behavior after our breakup, and I'm not saying it's right, I simply put that out there as to what his ex may be doing... thats all...

As far as dating guys that she dosen't get close to, she probably just isn't that into them. After my relationship ended in highschool, I went on several meaningless dates with several meaningless guys just to get my mind off of my ex... to try adn get over him... maybe thats what she's doing?

Well, there was one guy that I think she immediately pursued. A guy who's a year older than me and flirted with her heavily when she was still with me. I think she immediately did some stuff with him, but then found out that he's a bit of a player. Afterwards, it sounded like she's had two or three "crushes" that never really went anywhere; either the guys just wanted to be friends with her, were interested in other girls, ect.

Now, there's some new guy who "is so easy to talk too". It sounds like things went a little too fast, though, and she freaked out. More than anything, he tried to get some sex after dating her ...for what I think was a week and a half, or so. That's my guess, at least.

Keep in mind this is all occurring in the space of about a month and a half, immediately after she broke up with me. College is a buffet, and she just doesn't know where, or how, to start.

That's all I know. I don't really expect I'll ever know more. Nor should I.

Stop sweatin' it man. Don't worry about her. The girl you remember and fell in love with is dead. And the same probably holds true for you as well. Neither one of you are the same. Stop hanging onto a memory. I know it's rough man, but you've got to let it go. You're only hurting yourself.

Shorty,

I didn't mean to come off as attacking you. Sorry about that. It was just my past coming out because I remembered what I was going through years ago.

no problem... i was just clarifying myself... i didn't want anyone to think that I was saying what i did was right... I just wanted to put it out there

Stay in the dark.

I'm in as dark a place as you can get. With nothing but this crappy Art History homework for diversion.

she needs to find herself let her do so and you move on with someone more mature