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Thread: "Considering my age, I think it's justified."

  1. #1
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    "Considering my age, I think it's justified."

    So yeah, during my last conversation with my ex, she told me that she was "commitment-phobic", and "Considering my age, I think it's justified." Now, I can understand that, given her age, she doesn't know what she wants yet and commitment can be a little scary. Considering that she almost immediately started dating as soon as we broke up, and that it sounds like she's having some problems becoming emotionally close to the guys she's been seeing ...what does that mean?

    I mean, we all know that people do stupid things when we're young, and, at the time they're done, we all thought they were the best decision. It wasn't until we were a few years older and more mature that we might regret some of the things we did. I've never heard someone use their age as a defense though, almost like she thinks she doesn't need to feel responsible for anything wrong she might do "because of her age".

    Input? Especially from the ladies?

  2. #2
    heloladies21's Avatar
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    Being a commitment-phobe is just an excuse. Her dating someone else right after the break up with you means that she never truly cared about you anyways. She was never serious.

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    Member ~Serendipity~'s Avatar
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    It seems like she just wants to go out and experiment, she doesn't want to commit to anything big until she knows that is the right path to take...

    Like you said, she doesn't seem certain of what she wants.. But her comments sound peculiar! Getting defensive like that is a bit strange.

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    Howso strange?

    And I think she's having some problems right now becoming emotionally close to the guy she's been dating. At least, last time I checked, which was a week ago ( I will never know for sure, as I have no intention of ever checking her livejournal again ).

    I guess I outta remind everyone here that she is eighteen.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member polaris's Avatar
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    It's an excuse. She's an adult, and if she chooses to have relationships, then she's responsible for them, including the way they end.

    Commitment-phobe is the excuse used when someone is too weak to admit to their real reason, which in this case sounds like an attraction for another guy. I don't agree that she never cared for you; I'm sure she did, but she's chosen to move on, and she should be prepared to accept responsibility for that, not make some poor age-based excuse.

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    Yeah, attraction to a twenty-four year old player, who still lives in the dorms and flirts with eighteen-year-old girls who have boyfriends. I knew he had a part to play in it all. I know, in the end, she is the one who ended it.

    She got pretty defensive and angry when I accused her of dumping me for him, saying "He's actually kind of a jerk when it comes to relationships, so I wouldn't date/screw him anyways." From that final time I read her livejournal, it sounds like SOMEthing did happen, and perhaps it finally dawned on her the kind of guy he really was.

    I've accepted it, and honestly ...I've moved on in some ways. Not fully, or else I wouldn't even be talking about this any more, of course.

    God, you should see her livejournal. In her own words, she "Just want to fall completely in love." And so forth. I don't want to wish any unkind things on her, but that girl *really* needs to get her heart broken, at least once.

    In a sick way, sometimes a broken heart is a good thing because we learn and grow so much afterwards.

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    edit: Whoops, double-posted.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Shadows Light's Avatar
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    No.. Bigbilly.. don't wish that on anyone else. Its unkind. She will most likely have her heart-broken sooner or later. But don't wish it on her.
    I know how you feel. Been there. And I've been in her shoe's too.

    Was the dumper. I was 18 and he was ???? something like 25-26.....
    He was a charmer, he was cute, he made me laugh, we had a good time together.

    What didn't work was... I was VERY sure of where I wanted to go with my life. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted so much for my future. I thought in terms of a "future", a career... of having that house with the white picket fence and the 2.2 children. The American Dream. HE on the other hand... hadn't a CLUE as to what he wanted to be when he grew up. He knew he wasn't going to go to college. He didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was that he wanted to have a good time. He had a machine shop job, lived with his parents, paid on FRIDAY and broke on MONDAY.

    And after seeing him for...ohhh about a year. I had to dump him. Our paths were not leading us in the same direction. He wasn't for me. And I know that I broke his heart. I really really broke his heart.

    Did I want LOVE and to fall in LOVE.. yeah.. sure I did. But I also wanted the rest of it.

    So don't judge to harshly. Dating is the time to figure these things out. Its like a trial run to see if you have common goals, interests, and directions in life. I sure as heck didn't want to commit myself to anyone at the time... I was serious.. I wanted to go to school.. and do something with my life.

    Don't be to harsh.

    The best revenge... is living well.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Shadows Light
    What didn't work was... I was VERY sure of where I wanted to go with my life. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted so much for my future. I thought in terms of a "future", a career... of having that house with the white picket fence and the 2.2 children. The American Dream. HE on the other hand... hadn't a CLUE as to what he wanted to be when he grew up. He knew he wasn't going to go to college. He didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was that he wanted to have a good time. He had a machine shop job, lived with his parents, paid on FRIDAY and broke on MONDAY.
    Why do I have the feeling BigBilly is the exact opposite of this. I'm sure he and his ex got along well. In fact, I'd be willing to be he treated her as if she was priceless, because to him, I'm sure she was.

    The answer is quite simple, frankly; she's just too damn young to appreciate a good relationship. See, young women, they just don't know how to differentiate between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now. They won't until they get used, abused, lied to, cheated on. And why's that? Ever seen Sex in the City?

    Now as for you BigBilly; I suggest you stop these topics. These analyzations aren't going to get you anywhere except either A) really angry, and then really sad or B) really sad. Be a man, find your balls, and walk away. Given the choice under logical circumstances, I'm sure you'd choose to ride away as the knight in shining armor rather than slink away as a feeble shadow of your former self. I do, however, recommend you stay on eNotAlone and read others' problems, and perhaps help them. If you look at my posts, you will find that I do not talk much about my story after a point, and why is that? It's a moot point. She's gone. It's best to let it sink in quickly.

    Now, what kind of person are you? Strong willed? Do you possess self-control? Because my friend, what fate is asking you to do is give up what you cherish most, and that is what you must do. I will GUARANTEE you though, you will get your rewards in the end. Trust me on that.

    It's been 3 months since my heartbreak has hit, and although I am still dealing with the aftermath (finding my own emotions especially, learning to love again) I no longer feel the pain, injustice, cruelty that was once wrought on me by the *one* person I thought would never do such a thing.

    Such is life; that is how we learn to grow into who we will be.

    - Fivek 8)

    P.S. -
    Originally Posted by Shadows Light
    No.. Bigbilly.. don't wish that on anyone else. Its unkind. She will most likely have her heart-broken sooner or later. But don't wish it on her.
    At this point in time he is feeling angry. This is how men deal with their emotions, as we do not have the social circles females often have for venting their frustrations and feelings. It is perfectly acceptable for a male to name-call, curse, or even belittle their ex's, as long as they do it either privately or in the company of their close, close friends. 9 times out of 10 they do not truly mean it. Such is the way of the male mind; it is difficult for a male to let his guard down, and when it is down and has been hurt in such a fashion, it is often difficult to handle. Just a little input from the male perspective of heartbreak.

  11. #10
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    Ahh ...you're absolutely right, as always. I wish I had been as clear-headed as you at nineteen.

    I kick myself every time I post one of my "analyzations", but at the same time, I am usually glad I do, because the replys and the support I get are helpfull.

    I feel stronger every day. And I know I will do fine. You're right, I did treat her well because she was priceless to me. I went to all ends to communicate every time our relationship had a problem, and I did everything I could to work things out. But, in the end, she (at her own admission) sabotaged the relationship. Well, she's eighteen and thinks she's got it all figured out. I know she's going to do some real learning here in the near future, as I've had to do now. It makes it easier to remember that, because I think when we get dumped we immediately put our ex's on a pedestal (they're so wonderful, they're having so much fun now, they're so happy now and it's not fair!) Bah ...

    Thanks for the replies. I'm good now.

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