Is it normal for women to get randomly approached in public?

Is it normal for guys to approach girls randomly in public? I was reading someone else's post and someone said his girlfriend gets approached wherever she goes- even at gas stations. However, I hardly ever see this happening and it doesn't often happen to me or my friends for the most part. I mean when I go to gallery openings or parties it does, but not literally everywhere I go. I'm not tall, perfect and blond, but I still consider myself beautiful and attractive. My guy friends all think I'm hot. I'm confident when I go out.

So I guess I'm asking the guys- and the girls, too- if it is normal for men to approach girls a lot, what is it about the girl that makes them do so? Is it simply based upon appearances (I'm Asian, maybe a lot of guys are turned off by that or I'm not as good looking as I believe I am)? Are women who get approached a lot just more beautiful than women who don't get approached a lot? Are they friendlier? Is it how they dress? I don't dress provocatively or too revealing- its just not my style- but I dress attractively. I notice guys checking me out and staring at me, but they never say anything.

Just wondering. I'm not real experienced in this whole world of dating thing. My experience is limited to school environments. So, what do you all think?

I haven't seen it happen a lot either except at the mall with the teenagers sometimes.

I've been approached many times in public, and so have all my friends. Why - I have no idea. I think a man would have to answer that question.

One thing you can try doing: go to a coffeeshop, and pretend that you are a man wanting to ask a girl out on a date. Would you choose the prettiest one, or the one who looks the most approachable? You'd probably choose one that you think would respond positively to you, and something about her caught your eye - maybe her hair, long legs, sexy smile, etc...

Goodness, love this topic. I wonder about it because I get approached a couple times a month when I least expect it. When I'm wearing no makeup, have a major bad hair day, and am dressed for work (in an office).

I'm 5 ft. 9, size 6, and sometimes wear glasses. I feel like Clarkette Kent/Superwoman when I'm in my glasses, so I try to wear them when I want to feel invisible. That doesn't always work.

Here's my theory...if a man sees an interesting woman, and if he's brave enough, he'll approach. Of course, most women have their guard up, aren't in the mood, may not feel attractive at that moment, or dislike the guy, so the poor guy gets shot down.

I had a vinyl siding guy ask me out when I opened the door at my parent's house. He was VERY cute, but I was wearing mismatched clothes and had just gotten out of the shower, so I felt hideous!

Anyway, the venue of where you're approached has a lot to do with it.

The #1 place I'm approached--the grocery store. I hate it. I'm usually in a hurry, angry and not in the mood. Somehow, people read this as approachable!

I was approached at a concert, that was weird, 'cause you could barely see him or hear what he was saying to me.

My latest: I got hit on at a pier by someone 8 years younger, and he was so nice, I told him, "I'm too old for you but you're a nice guy and you'll meet someone one day."

I don't mean this to sound bad or anything, but are you all really pretty and skinny? I think I'm pretty, buit maybe I'm wrong. I'm not really skinny. Should I lose weight? I mean I'm not fat or anything, either. I never get approached in public randomly at grocery stores and things like that.

I really don't understand. What is wrong wtih me?

hmm... I'm not very skinny - average. But, people often tell me they think I'm beautiful.

But, I don't think it's all about the looks - there is some "approachability" factor involved.

Are you smiling when you go out? How do you dress? Flirty or conservative. When you see a man somewhere, do you lightly smile, or look angry if he looks at you?

Maybe try smiling a little more at the cute men you see in the grocery store, or in the drugstore, or whatever...

good luck!

Do you smile a lot? I don't understand. I really don't understand. I mean everyone I know and even people I don't know tell me that I'm really pretty. Are they just lying to me? Maybe its just cause I'm not blond and model thin. I always had a lot of confidence, but since you all said you get approached a lot and you don't even know why or do anything differently than I do, then maybe I'm just not very attractive.

I think it really depends also on WHERE you are located - it would seem in my experiences men in some cities, or even just in some clubs as compared to others, will be more aggressive then in other environments. I have been to some cities where it seems the men in general are more aggressive, and to others where it seems just the opposite. Also, some enviornments may be better for others. Also please note...sometimes the people approaching are not necessarily ones you want approaching...so no need to envy others for that

Most of the places I am approached would be clubs, or in educational/work settings or at my bike races/training where the environment is more relaxed, or where people can open up to talk to you based on something in common. I am attractive and in very good shape and I have been told I am very hot/sexy and have a very natural beauty to me by a few, but I think it is more about your openness to others approaching and your attitude. If you seem either too nervous/standoffish, or even TOO "desperate" I truly believe men can SENSE that vibe, as can women and it makes you less approachable. I am not blond or tall, or have the typical model look either, I think it is just because I am very confident in myself, friendly and open and seem like someone interesting for whatever reason.

It's also about how you carry yourself, your attitude, facial expressions and the environment.

I get approached really randomly... mostly because of my eyes or my smile. I am used to smiling all the time, because I'm a receptionist... in my job, even if I'm not happy I still have to pretend, so I just learn to smile, alot. Maybe that makes me more approachable, because I get hit on by guys that aren't necessarily looking to take me out or anything, they just walk up and comment on how pretty my eyes or smile are. It's really random, and most of the time with older guys. I think it's all about the way you carry yourself. I'm not like model material or anything, but I think your inside beauty radiates outwards. I'm a very happy person, and very easygoing, and I think that catched guys attention. I know one thing for sure... the more confident you are with yourself, the more you get approached by guys.

Sweetheart,

I think you are looking at the wrong things. Don't be so hard on yourself. Honestly, approachability, confidence and some attractiveness are the only ingredients you need. Ok, maybe good hygiene. Don't turn yourself inside out wondering if you're wrong about being attractive or whether you're too thin or fat. That won't help your confidence and you'll need it. Every woman should know her strengths and weaknesses and be happy with it regardless.

That being said, I liked what one person said about smiling. Friendliness is all a part of the approachability. If you are happy with your life and having a good time, you become even more attractive. Being crabby or stressed a lot when you're out can stop guys from seeing you as the happy girl they're looking to make happier. Also, if you're too pretty, tone down the make up. I have noticed that the more dressed up I am, the guys stare and follow but never say a word. When I've just gotten out of the shower and walked into the grocery store (they should call publix target instead) that's when guys start smiling and staring and saying hello. That's teh whole approachability thing.

If you learn how to be friendly to people in general, not just men, and being happy in teh moment, you will attract more men. Saying hello isn't breaking "The Rules" in some parts of the country. It's just being friendly and that can be super appealing to guys.

So stop overanalyzing your exterior and work on feeling good about yourself. You don't have to be the most beautiful to get noticed. But you do have to feel good about yourself.

Also, don't worry if they're not talking to you now. Seasons come and go. Somtimes I feel like Benny Hill running from all of those people. Sometimes I feel like nobody knows I'm alive. It's all cyclical. Your time will come.

Best of luck,

Belle

Do you smile a lot? I don't understand. I really don't understand. I mean everyone I know and even people I don't know tell me that I'm really pretty. Are they just lying to me? Maybe its just cause I'm not blond and model thin. I always had a lot of confidence, but since you all said you get approached a lot and you don't even know why or do anything differently than I do, then maybe I'm just not very attractive.

hmm... I try to smile...

I've spent a good deal of time in chicago. I remember one guy approached me in the downtown/financial area because I think I looked a little confused (I was looking for a building).

I've been at a coffee shop where a guy saw an interesting book I was reading and started asking me about it.

I've met other guys in the lobby of my apartment building, waiting for the elevator. Or in the laundry room...

It's not necessarily that you're not attractive. RayKay I think is right about the vibes. Do you have a serious look on your face? Do you look like you're busy and don't want to be bothered? Or that you're having a good time?

And like raykay said - just because they approach you doesn't mean that you would be interested in them

The question if we are pretty...I think that's subjective. We should all think we're pretty or that we have some redeeming beauty about us. I say that only because it ties in with having self-esteem--not to say that there's a direct link, but there is a link.

I have good self esteem, not perfect, but stronger than most. I think it's because I had a village of support around me as a kid, neighbors, teachers, family friends, who always were putting positive words into me. Making deposits into a person can really help.

I'm off topic! Back to pretty being subjective...I've had guys of different ages and races say I was everything from beautiful to attractive. So, there's lots of leeway, I guess.

Yes, the places where I've lived and do live are rather large cities. I don't go to clubs anymore because it's not a fun experience anymore. Oh, and RayKay made a great point in saying that just because you're being approached, doesn't mean you want that person approaching you!

In fact, I have a weird magnet inside me and would rather be left alone! I get a mix of businessmen, military, everyday guys, grandpas and toothless men.

But in college...I was invisible! Never ONCE got asked out! Not once! At this was at more than 3 different colleges (I transferred). (And they say college is THE place to meet guys!)

I smile a lot around people I have fun with, but I'm not smiling when I walk into the grocery store or whatever.

Yeah, like this summer I had a lot of confidence but I'm told I look very serious. My natural expression is pouty. I'm told its kind of sexy, but unapproachable. When I'm drinking at parties I usually get hit on more, maybe because I am more relaxed and I smile a lot when I drink.

Also, a lot of times when I went to parties with my roommate, guys would never introduce themselves to me, they would always wait until I was with her and then ask her who I was and ask to be introduced to me. Which I always thought was weird. I mean guys I don't even know tell me I'm beautiful and all my guy friends tell me I'm hot- and I don't ask or anything. But maybe guys just say that to girls. I don't know.

I'm not really desperate for the most part. I guess I just look serious a lot of the times. Do you think thats probably it? Do you all really get approached at random places like gas stations? I've never gotten approached at a gas station or grocery store. Do you flirt with these men? I don't dress very revealing, but I don't go around dressed like a nun either.

I was happy this summer- but still, nothing. Even when I'm happy I look serious though.

Yeah my partner gets approached a lot, especially in shoping malls. I think for some reason these guys must think if thay are in the same building as you you are fair game.

Anyway she has never had any problems...they usually toddle off after she tells them she's not single. I think she likes it...breaks up the monotony of shopping!!

I don't flirt with any guy in public. (I flirt with people I see more than once, say, a friend of a friend or a business associate I see every now and then.)

Never been hit on at a gas station, I think I give the look that I'll scratch someone's eyeballs out with my car keys if the come within 10 feet of me at gas stations.

Grocery stores, subways, church, malls, vacation destinations, elevators, even! That's where I've been hit on. Even once while taking a test drive of a SUV with my two best friends! That was hilarious.

What's funny, not only do I NOT flirt, I don't even notice the guys coming up to me before they approach. I'm what's known as oblivious or blind to guys who like me!

Well what do you do differently then? Is it just cause your thin?

Is it just cause your thin?

Why would you think that?

It is about how approachable you look...not what you look like.

Well she said she acts really unapproachable.

I'll tell you why I think my partner gets approached all the time (of course she is outstandingly beautiful (just in case she reads this)) but,

1) she is very scatterbrained so she always looks like she needs help

2)she is always laughing and smiling at herself so she looks very friendly

3)when she is excited she talks really loud so everyone withing 50 yards already feels like they are a part of her conversations.

I guess I was just thrown off by the fact that she said she is unapproachable, doesn't flirt and doesn't really smile at people she doesn't know. It seemed counterintuitive.

I'm a guy and if ever I was going to randomly approach a woman in public it would not be a woman that looked unapproachable. I'd approach someone who looked like they might be friendly.

Thank you, that makes me feel better.

I was the one to mention that my girlfriend gets approached a lot, even at (especially at!) gas stations. I honestly think that a lot of girls get this quite often.

My girlfriend may get approached more than some girls who are even cuter than she is simply because my girlfriend has that big blonde hair, is 5'5, and 110 lbs. It could be that maybe since you are asian that guys are more intimidated too, and don't feel as comfortable reacting that way to someone they consider exotic. I honestly don't know. I think I would feel a little different or a little more intimidated approaching an asian girl. It's outside what I am used to.

As far as how often does this happen? I can only speak for my girlfriend because she's the only one I would feel right talking to this about. I just asked her and she said at least once every other day, but maybe more. She said usually at least once a day when she is driving because someone is yelling comments ont he road or something. If you consider that "approaching".

If we are at a bar or a dance club, guys will approach my girlfriend even with me sitting there sometimes. More often they wait until I go to the restroom but there have been a few times where guys walk up and start chatting with my girlfriend even when I am there. I'm glad I have a respectful girlfriend who blows them off.

Yeah, I'm not that thin. But I have a good body. I get guys shouting out at me a lot from their car.

So what does she do differently that guys approach her?

I'm seriously starting to feel really bad about myself. I mean if all these other women are getting approached, I mean maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe thats why my ex thinks I'm only good for blow jobs. I was gonna tell him to screw himself and leave me alone, but if men want all the other women and not me- maybe I should just hang on.