Not sure what to do

I have been engaged to my partner for about a year now, since I proposed to him in November 2004 - we have been together since December 2003.

He wanted to wait to get married, to make sure that I knew I wanted to be with him. And I do - I love him incredibly, we have a wonderful relationship together.

I am ready to move it up a step and get married to him. We are pretty much like a married couple as it is now, I just want it to be official, and I want to get rid of my hyphenated surname!!

The only thing is, he is a bit scared of change.. and he has anxiety attacks about getting older (he is only 23). I have told him that there is nothing to be worried about - part of life is getting older and changing as a person....

How do you suppose I should go about asking him to marry me? Am I taking things too fast?

I think you should just wait on this one. You don't want to put any pressure on him if he is already feeling scared and nervous. You are both really young, so what is the rush to get married? Make sure it is right for you too. Just hang in there, I'm sure he'll come around, just be patient and understanding.

Pressure is not the way to go. I think the oppsotie of pressure is how to go. Act a little more independent, do some things on your own, then one day tell him to just let you know when he is ready.

I agree. If he is already feeling anxious about things then pressuring him will only make it worse. Take is slow, you're only 19 and there is plent of time for you to get married. Make sure it's what you REALLY want. I think Beec's advise of being a bit more independent is a great idea too. I got married when I was your age, but there are times when I wish I had lived on my own for a while. I think it's very important to have that independence before making that huge of a committment.

Ditto!!! Pressure = bad!!! Marriage is a life-long commitment, something that should be entered into without any reservations or anxiety. Just relax, step back. You two are quite young, after all. There's no rush, especially if you are going to be married the rest of your lives.

The worst thing you can do is make him feel pressured. Remember this summer, that woman in georgia who "kidnapped" herself days before the wedding? She was feeling really pressured and stressed about the mega-huge wedding, and well... she took off!

If things are otherwise going well in your relationship, then just take a deep breath and sit down. Life is long, the wedding will come eventually.

You guys are right... I shouldn't pressure him into it...

I guess I just want things to move forward a bit, know what I mean? Things are becoming quite repetitive...

You guys are right... I shouldn't pressure him into it...

I guess I just want things to move forward a bit, know what I mean? Things are becoming quite repetitive...

If you think they are repetitive now, wait to you do get married. How long do you want things to repeat for, 60 or more years, one would hope.

I think we can all have and be in good relationships and still be independent. You can be invovled in things and go places wihtout him, and he can do likewise without you. It is good if the relationship is not our entire life. It's a big part of it, but not all of it. we need our own time, activities, interests, etc. Develop some more of your own, do it without him, and encourage him to the same.

That's true...

Thank you for all your advice!