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"best friend" doesn't want to hang out alone


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Hey there, let me give you the story and you give me the advice right?sounds good.

 

Well almost a year ago i met a girl thru friends. Being a circle of friends phone numbers and email addresses were eventually exchanged. And we have grown quite close, I don't think there has been a day when we haven't instant messaged each other, or week gone by when we haven't talked on the phone for a few hours. She has even called me her best friend, however there is a hitch.

 

She never wants to hang out alone. I don't know what it is. She will tell me i am bored, I will tell her well come over and watch a movie, or lets hit the mall or something. I usually get some excuse, but it is almost like she is holding it over my head like "Nah nah nah you want to do something with me, but i'm not gonna let you".

 

I have asked to do something and she has said she was tired, or she will tell me she going out see you later and not invite. I will than go to friend's house. A few hours later she will show up. At that point she will follow me around like a puppy dog going from room to room, as i wander and talk to people ( as if I must be her center of attention). This has happen to many times to count.

 

I just don't know what gives. I have approached her on the subject which usually goes no where, she likes to hide behind the excuse "We'll I'm a b@#ch deal with it" which is so far from the truth.

 

I could understand if we were ex's or something like that, but we are best friends when do hang out there is nothing but good times.

 

Any insight on this dual personality?

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She might be guarding her heart as well as her physical desire. I know that the easiest road for physical activities (make out, sex, etc.) is to get somewhere alone with the person without responsibilities or company. Perhaps she just wants to avoid that situation and would rather hang out in a public place or only at home with you when other friends are around.

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I can sort of relate. I have a friend who was always a good friend of mine. She hates to be alone. She has even told me that she can't go anywhere.. shopping, or even alone to get her hair cut. Instead of not inviting me, she does invite me, but gets mad when I can't go. It's not like I ditch her or anything, I just have a life outside of the stuff she needs to do. It's gotten to the point where she won't talk to me for a couple of weeks if I don't go out with her. I've sort of distanced myself from that friendship though because I can't handle the stress of her always needing me there.

 

I don't know what to tell you. It doesn't seem like this girl is really causing a lot of stress for you, although it must really be bothering you. If this is really bothering you, or hurting you, or whatever, then you might need to consider distancing yourself. I just mean that next time she says she's bored and is hinting at wanting to do something, don't invite her to do something. What's the point in doing it all the time when you know she will most likely make up some excuse to not hang out?

 

It might have just gotten to the point that she feels so close to you that she has started to take you for granted. If you start pulling away, she might realize that you really do have a problem and maybe instead of avoiding it, she will decide to actually talk about it.

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I've been in that exact same situation. Never did find out what the deal was with it.

 

Eventually I distanced myself when I realised my feelings for her were messing my head up. Now she periodically accuses me of not talking to her (which is true I suppose) and tries desperately to get my attention whenever we're in a group.

 

Maybe she was afraid to confront my feelings or maybe her own. I have no idea - some people are just impenetrable...

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