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Just a general question for all you non-straight folks out there... how does it feel when your friends or family members say "that's so gay" or some variation of that in an obviously negative context? These are the same ppl you hold dear and care about, and who you would hope would support you always..

 

Does it hurt? and if so, do you say anything about it? is it just being overly sensitive or PC? is it possible to have a sense of humour about it? do you feel it is a homophobic statement?

 

I ask because I'm not quite sure how to respond myself... I know I feel hurt when it happens, but i guess i want my feelings to be validated...

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I'm not gay or anything, but I really hate when people say that. It's also annoying when people say that something "is so retarded". I'm sure people don't mean it to be insulting, they aren't thinking about what they are actually saying when they say it. But if you think about it, why wouldn't it be insulting??

 

Anyways, I just thought I would share my thoughts..

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I find it very offensive and if it's a close friend or a family member then I'll pull them up on it, but if it's just someone in my class or someone I don't know so well then I won't say anything.

 

Most people know I'm a lesbian so no more jokes about the gays being bad or anything like that happen around me anymore, but that one phrase is my all-time most hated phrase.

 

You're not being overly sensitive, because it does hurt even if others don't admit it.

 

Sappho...

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Ah flip_flop, that's a very interesting question and one that i had to confront last week after hearing two people that i like and respect (and that i hope like and respect me) say it on two different occasions. When the second girl said it, i pulled her up on it, asking "why is it gay?" Saying that the word "gay" was just out of context for that. And she kind of got uncomfortable. I don't think they know i am gay myself, but i think after my comment, there is little doubt (at least for one of the girls).

 

Then i look back on it and remember all the times i have said something that is offensive to other minority groups, such as saying something is crazy or "spastic" (i don't say that anymore), or acting like an autistic person when just having fun and wonder if i am being over-sensitive about the gay issue.

 

I guess my stance on it is that if it really annoys me, i correct it subtly by saying, "what do you mean gay? HOW can it be gay?" and really drawing their attention to the fact that they are referring to somebodies sexuality when they are bagging something.

 

Do what you feel is right and yes, i do feel hurt, especially if i know and like the person and have always felt they have liked me. I feel disrespected and wonder if they'll continue to be my friend if i say something to them, but at the end of the day, i have to do what's right for myself and standing up and saying something is definitely "right" for me!

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Well, I must say it's a figure of speech that's been branded into our language. Unless somebody is meaning it in an obviously derogatory way I wouldn't think there'd be a problem. Gay originally meant just happy, unfortunately that too, along with queer, have been adopted to refer to homosexuals. If I say something's gay, I'm not trying to hurt anyone just using a figure of speech that is part of the language. No I'm not gay, but I think most people just don't think about it and mean no harm by it.

 

There are slurs that are much worse and used obviously to hurt and demean people. Those are the ones to get angry over.

 

Edit

See it censors qu33r but not gay, and I wasn't using it like an ass.

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I am straight, though my brother is gay and we have actually had a conversation about this in the past too.

 

I honestly have ALWAYS hated this expression (WAY before my brother ever came out)...but I think many people don't realize that it is offensive (because no, gay in this expression was never originally meant as "happy and joyous") - look at the way the expression is used in context, it is always to refer to something "stupid" or "weak" or whatever. To me it's the same as using any other term in a derogatory way - calling something "retarded" for example....someone can't tell me that could also be taken in a "positive way".

 

When someone says it, I will often say "and just why IS it gay exactly - how can a situation/object have a sexual orientation?" or something along that lines.

 

I have realized many people honestly don't even REALIZE sometimes what they are saying, it is something they learned in their common discourse when young, and throw it off their tongues without thinking...I am not the most PC person I am sure, but I am also not one to allow for "passive" discrimination be it against women, other races, other sexualities...and I will mention something.

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o.o;; i don't find it offensive in any way, it's just ... a word. it's like when people say something's cool, or hot. it's not actually changing it's temperature, it's just.. appealing. but you're not going to go around saying "wow! that shirt is so aesthetically appealing to me, i think i'm going to purchase it presently!!" ... that's just weird. slang is like.. part of .. um.. the language. .. *nods*

i can see where peoples are coming from, but.. yeah. it's not like they -purposely mean- to be offending peoples.

and you can't use "but you're not gay" against me. so there.

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Well, I think it depends on whom you're asking in the light of whether they are saying it strictly in a negative fashion or a 'catchy' saying people cling onto.

 

I'm not offended by it really, most people that say it, have no idea or comprehension it may offend someone and don't take the word into its true meaning. I suppose at base and originally it was meant as a negative statement, attempting to change the definition of gay. Instead of happy or homosexual they'd rather it represent stupidity and/or ignorance so that they can process their own homophobic agenda via a saying.

 

My family is homophobic as they come so trying to make any statement about such things isn't worth my breath. Now for friends, I can allow it to slide but if they use it repeatedly to the point it becomes annoying (In comparison to people who use the word Like every few seconds for every conjunction without variety) I will address the issue.

 

I state, "Where does gay fit into the context of what you're trying to express? I believe you stated at one point you were displeased with this [person/outcome/event/etc...] did the situation change?'

 

Of course they'll say its a popular statement meaning things are stupid. thereforeeee I explain the extire array of homosexual synonyms good and bad. Giving examples as:

 

"Thats so odd/unconventional."

"Thats so happy/lively."

"Thats so bundle of sticks/twigs."

 

Then again stating there is no relevance between any of the book definitions (both accepted and insulting terms) and stupidity. Sometimes a person will get the point of what they're saying makes them look stupid for the improper word use, others its a blow by definition and only a simple response to their comment such as "Thats so straight." allows for the idea to be fully expressed.

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When my kids came home from school saying this, I put a quick stop to it. I don't know if they still say it out of my earshot but I would hope that my explanation of why it is offensive got through to them.

 

Where the HECK did this term come from anyway?

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I suppose it depends on the situation. When it means something like "crappy, disgusting, lame" then it really bothers me- as in "This game is so gay." When it's used to mean something like "That pink shirt is gay" then it doesn't bother me so much, especially if it's one of my friends to whom I'm outed and it's a really witty remark.

 

This expression won't be in the language much longer and is already being weeded out, much as various racial expressions were weeded out of the language after the civil rights movement.

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