Why is marriage so important?

I just want to know what marriage means to various people. I know what it means to me, but I don't think alot of people realize what it is supposed to be, and what it has become in today's society.

It is the ultimate commitment, a contract between two people who love and honour each other and want to spend the rest of thier lives together.

It is to protect the union and the children borne of that union, to give them rights that are exclusive to a married couple, to give that couple security knowing that they each wanted to make that level of commitment to one another.

It means if times are rough, you don't just walk away, you work to make it work.

It means respecting each other even when it's difficult, and always remembering and honouring that love and commitment to the other person.

It is the ultimate commitment, a contract between two people who love and honour each other and want to spend the rest of thier lives together.

 

It is to protect the union and the children borne of that union, to give them rights that are exclusive to a married couple, to give that couple security knowing that they each wanted to make that level of commitment to one another.

 

It means if times are rough, you don't just walk away, you work to make it work.

 

It means respecting each other even when it's difficult, and always remembering and honouring that love and commitment to the other person.

Absolutely right. I wish more people who got married carried it out. Or, at least, thought it through before they got married.

I just want to know what marriage means to various people. I know what it means to me, but I don't think alot of people realize what it is supposed to be, and what it has become in today's society.

I'd be interested to hear your take on what it's supposed to be. If you look at it historically, the idea of getting married for love is a relatively new idea (say, less than 300 or 400 years old). Historically, marriage was a way to keep wealth in families. That's why marriages were arranged and negotiated by the families of the individuals and not the individuals themselves. They were business arrangements more than love matches. For more details go here: link removed

Currently it would seem that the pendulum has swung the opposite way and people focus only on the romantic aspects of marriage and not the business aspects of it.

If you want a decent shot at making a marriage last, you need to acknowldege both the business and romantic aspects and not emphasize one at the expense of the other. The more realistic the expectations of both yourself and your intended spouse, the better off the relationship will be.

That being said, I've been married for a squeak over 3 years. I didn't get married until I was good and ready to make what I intend to be a life-long commitment. "Ready" turned out to be age 37, I was married shortly after my 38th birthday.

My husband is my best friend, lover, and partner in every sense of the word -- emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and, yes, financially. We are not attached at the hip and we do have separate interests as well as shared ones, and structure our lives so we each have "alone" time as well as "together" time.

It's not all hearts and flowers, and anyone who expects it to be that way is in for a shock and probably disappointment. At the end of the day, what's going to make it work is shared goals, mutual respect, flexibility, and open, honest communication.

I know far too many people who've gotten married for the wrong reasons, including: all their friends are getting married, they're tired or afraid of being alone, they think they're getting "too old" to be sinlge, she's pregnant, they think that their current partner is the best they can do, their family/friends are pressuring them, they've dated or lived with someone for 5 or 10 or more years and everyone expects them to....

To me, the right reason was I was ready to commit to sharingand building a life with another person. That meant knowing I was mature and balanced enough to be able to put another person's wants and needs equal to, and sometimes ahead of my own wants and needs. That meant knowing I was capable enough of getting my own needs met that I wasn't going to place that expectation on someone else. That meant having the mundane details of my life in some sort of reasonable order (things like steady employment, finances, etc) and not expect someone else to come clean up my mess or bail me out. That meant knowing, accepting and loving who I am and committing to someone who would hold me in the same high regard as I hold myself. It also meant finding someone who was in a similar headspace and position in life, so they would be able to create a life we would find mutually agreeable.

It's not all hearts and flowers, and anyone who expects it to be that way is in for a shock and probably disappointment. At the end of the day, what's going to make it work is shared goals, mutual respect, flexibility, and open, honest communication.

Very well said, she's to smart, there is a business aspect to marriage as well, and it needs to be realized and considered before taking the plunge, as some people end up getting surprised afterwards.

It's a partnership of sorts, in love, in friendship, and in business.

It's not all hearts and flowers, and anyone who expects it to be that way is in for a shock and probably disappointment. At the end of the day, what's going to make it work is shared goals, mutual respect, flexibility, and open, honest communication.

 

Very well said, she's to smart, there is a business aspect to marriage as well, and it needs to be realized and considered before taking the plunge, as some people end up getting surprised afterwards.

 

It's a partnership of sorts, in love, in friendship, and in business.

The problem is that it is only the business part of the partnership contract that is enforced when the marriage goes sour.

The problem is that it is only the business part of the partnership contract that is enforced when the marriage goes sour.

Could be considered the balancing out of entering into the contract focusing only on the romantic end.

The problem is that it is only the business part of the partnership contract that is enforced when the marriage goes sour.

 

Could be considered the balancing out of entering into the contract focusing only on the romantic end.

 

True - an object lesson in not letting possibly transient emotions run away with rationality.

I agree with these responses. Except for the idea that marriage for the reason of love is a new idea. I don't want to get preachy, but the Bible has texts that date back far beyond 300-400 years, and love is very much the purpose of marriage in the Bible. In fact, it is for a love and commitment greater than just to each other, but also to God. Anyway, I agree that it's not all hearts and flowers, and I agree that it takes shared goals, mutual respect, flexibility, and open, honest communication to work. It just makes me upset to hear about people getting upset at their significant others, because they aren't ready for marriage (with that person, in many cases). I assume they would rather end in divorce, then be told they can't get married yet.

I can see where you are coming from.

We always hope in a serious and loving, committed relationship that the couple has discussed these issues and are one the same page in terms of engagement and marriage, but the fact is people do change their minds and others don't discuss it, and so they can end up at odds with one another.

It can be frustrating to a person if they have invested alot in terms of time and love and devotion to another and then come to find out the other person isn't ready for the same level or commitment as the first is.

In a relationship, each person has a right to be fulfilled and happy with the level of respect, love and commitment. If one wants more than the other can give, then that needs to be discussed between those two people. If neither is willing to compromise and come to a solution together, than sometimes the best option is to go their separate ways and try to find someone more on the same page as them.

I assume they would rather end in divorce, then be told they can't get married yet.

Telling someone they're not ready for something or that they shouldn't do something, or they can't have something makes some people want it all the more.

You can tell people the stove is hot, and some of them will take your word for it and leave it alone. Others will have to touch it themselves. And a few will won't take their hands off it until they have 3rd degree burns.

That is the beauty and the danger of free will.

Very true. BTW, love the amp knob that goes to 11! LOL

>what marriage means to various people

companion/partner, for sex, kids, mother, laundry, food, housekeeper

Hi

Regarding the business aspect of the marriage, it could still be resolved if you discuss it properly before you enter into it. You set up a pre-nuptial agreement on the marriage.

This could prevent all the ugly event happening for example, fighting on children custody, alimony and so on.

Do couples sees that setting a pre-nuptial agreement indicating that they could not be each other till the end?

Actually, according to research only 4% of the couple who enter into this agreement file for a divorce.

Actions speak louder than words. Taking the marriage vows means uttering words. thereforeeee the act of getting married means little compared to the daily actions.

Since the day in, day out actions are what matters, taking the marriage vows is not necessary for someone to show the most commited behaviours.

A few years ago I used to hate the idea of marriage - I thought it such a pointless ceremony, but now I realise it was because I saw so many people get married, only to break up within the first few years, or people get married and expecting it to be some kind of magical romantic spell to bind them together forever, and they wonder where all the magic went after they got married. And I was annoyed at those people who so deludedly walked into such a special and precious union.

These days, to many, marriage may only be a piece of paper, but I still believe in the traditional romance of marriage - a public display of a private union, a declaration of commitment between two people.

Sadly, though, few these days are conscious or mature enough to get married, and that is why so many marriages fall apart...

The Pagan ceremony of Handfasting is a beautiful ritual that I discovered last year - it is like marriage, but based more from spiritual principles and promises - the two people write their own commitments to each other, and the ceremony can be fashioned in anyway they like...

It is the ultimate commitment, a contract between two people who love and honour each other and want to spend the rest of thier lives together.

If only! The sad thing is that nowadays, people believe that marriage will bring this about - instead of it being the other way round!

People believe that marriage will 'make' them love and honour each other more, which is a dangerously false expectation.

It is to protect the union and the children borne of that union, to give them rights that are exclusive to a married couple, to give that couple security knowing that they each wanted to make that level of commitment to one another.

That over 50% of marriages break up within the FIRST YEAR is a sign of a cancerous malaise infecting the state of relationships in our present times.

Marriage doesn't necessarily protect children - in fact it can even damage them - seeing your mother or father fighting, or just staying together for the sake of you, but hating each others guts, can irrepairibly damage you.

It is true that there are material benefits to getting married, and that indeed a small percentage of people get married for convenience or money.

But I always believe that people should be secure within themselves, and be at - or beyond - a level of commitment that marriage entails.

Personally, I approach any romantic relationship with the hope that it will last forever, and though that has damaged me so badly in the past, it is the only true way of love known in my heart...

It means if times are rough, you don't just walk away, you work to make it work.

For any relationship to work, this must always be the case - being conscious doesn't just apply to marriage, but to all kinds of relationships in the world. If you can't work together before getting married, you are certainly not going to work together after getting married.

I hear of so many tales of people breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, etc. and then get married, as if marriage will cure the problems, like a magic wand...

It means respecting each other even when it's difficult, and always remembering and honouring that love and commitment to the other person.

Again, that should apply to any relationship, not just marriage.

People should do this before they get married - if they don't do it before, they won't do it afterward.

There is a great Zen proverb on marriage:

Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.

After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. - Wu Li

How it applies to marriage is this when you get married, you'll still have to work, you'll still have to take out the trash, you'll still have to get on with everyday trivia.

Marriage doesn't make the world go away, heal wounds, bring people closer or change the world - only love can do that. And love should come before marriage, always. And never the other way round...

In closing, every day I dream of being married to one woman for the rest of my life. But, every day I fear there is little chance of that happening, in today's me-me-me self-indulgent 24-hour selfish materialistic live-for-the-moment shallow celebrity-following plastic artificial society...