Am I out of options?

I've been married for almost three years. Before we were married, we were the happiest couple anyone could imagine. Our first year was a bit rough, but we got through it. The next two years have been for the most part good, with a few exceptions thrown in here and there. Then, a couple of months ago, I lost my job, and just didn't have the motivation to get another. I was in school full time, and wanted to focus on that. My wife thought I was depressed, and asked me to see a doctor...of course I refused, unable to accept that.

Last week, I finally hit bottom, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. My wife and I had a heated argument, which was ended by me grabbing my gun and going into the bathroom. I don't know what I intended to do there, but it upset my wife so much she left and has not been back since. At the same time, this was my greatest moment...I realized that I was seriously messed up, and needed help. I went to the doctor a couple days later and got some counseling and some medicine. It turns out, from as much as we could figure, that I suffer from a genetic form of depression, which has been building in me for 29 years. However, the doctor said that medication results in most people being completely healed of it. In talking to others, I learned that depression can affect so many parts of your life that treatment for it usually makes a person unrecognizable when they are well. I'm hoping this is the case with me.

I love my wife dearly! Now she wants a divorce. She made an appointment with a marriage counselor, but then told me I wasn't allowed to go. At the counselor's, she said that he encouraged her not to work on the marriage, but to figure out how to best go through a divorce. (Doesn't sound right to me). I don't think she mentioned to him that I'm getting help for my depression, and what affect that could have on our marriage. She seems set...like she's made a decision, and now she's going to stick to it no matter what.

I'm leaving in three days to move 2000 miles away. It's the only way I can support myself. Does anyone know what my options are? I'm getting help, but I don't know how to get her to agree to see a counselor together. I really want to make this work, and think with time, I will be better, and she will see that. I just don't think she'll wait.

You've given her a pretty big shock. I can't suggest much more than give her some space, let the raw emotions subside a bit. Let her know you are getting help, that you have to move for work and that you still love her and want to make things work.

Then leave it with her for a while. Pushing her right now will drive her further away.

yes, I agree don't push her, but how about going to see the same councillor, but alone? That way he will get both sides of the story, you have a right to state your feelings, as a marraige is a two way street. He will be better equipt to give advice to both of you, and he's obviously the person she is listening to.

If it is really for the best for your marraige, then she might re-considder, but not by you telling her this. You gave her too much of a shock for that.

How about trying that?

Thanks for the replies. I thought about going to the same counselor, but I just can't do it. It takes time to make an appointment, and I have to leave Sunday. My biggest fear is that not being here will allow her to "get over me" easier. I really don't want that, but I'm out of options as far as living arrangements. She has been living with several different friends and in a couple different hotels the last week, and I want her to be able to come home...so I must leave.

Things are a little different now, kind of. After not talking to her for more than a minute at a time for over a week, she came over tonight to pick up some real estate papers that I had signed. I'm doing everything I can to make sure she gets everything she wants, even if we get a divorce, so I'm leaving all the furniture and pretty much everything except the stuff I had before I was married. I feel I've done enough to her already, so I don't deserve the stuff. She's moving into a new house, and I don't know what my future holds, so it will be better with her anyway.

Anyway, she came over for the papers and I asked her to go for a walk. Amazingly, she agreed, and we talked for a long time. We haven't talked like that in several years. I just don't show my emotions very well, but I am already starting to feel the effects of the drugs I'm on, and I think it's opening me up...thankfully. She's no longer "scared" of me, which is a good first step. However, she is still not certain if she will be able to give me another chance.

I'm still leaving...I figure we could use the time apart, and I don't want her to have to suffer through my treatment, as I know there will be some ups and downs. But, I think we've started the communication, and I think we will be able to continue to talk...unless she wakes up in the morning and decides that she just wants a divorce. Like I said before...once she makes a decision, she just does it. That seemed to be one of her hardest things to deal with tonight even. She told me that she had made the decision, and she's not sure she can tell herself to reverse it.

Anyway, I think I've got a start...so I'm hopeful. At least it gives me hope, and goals. Thanks again.