Junior Brother, Freshman GF... Engaged?

My brother and his girlfriend had dated 4 years ago. Then the broke up for 2 years and had recently gotten back together.

My brother's girlfriend is a freshman in college and my brother is a junior. She is already putting pressure on him to get engaged, and by next month at that. She has decided to transfer to his school next year.

They're both so young and wouldn't be able to get married any time soon. They can't even afford the rings.

He already has so many distractions in his life, and his GPA has dropped significantly since last year. This was mainly caused by a death in the family. And now theres pressure to get engaged, along with school work and two jobs.

My brother and I used to be very close. He used to tell me everything. But ever since he started dating this girl again, he's been distancing himself from me. We talked every day last year. Now we talk once every 2 weeks.

He wasn't even the one to tell me about this whole situation. I found out from my parents. It upsets me... He used to tell me everything.

I just can't get a grasp on this. Why wouldn't they just wait to get engaged until they are through college? Why might he decide to something that he has the gut feeling to avoid? I have so many why's...

I just don't understand. Any insight would be awesome. Or anything on how to deal with this.

I know that I shouldn't be worried about this because it isn't my life, but I care about my brother a lot.

wow thats tough... I'm sorry to hear about the death in your family. I think that getting engaged should wait until after collage unless one of them is pregnant. I think that if it is pressure to get engaged, then it isnt real love... I mean it is and all but its unfair to your brother to b forced into marriage... They both need to be ready.

I think when two people love eachother, and they're ready to handle marriage, it's not too soon. However, in this case it seems that your brother might not be ready, as you said. I believe strongly that two people should live together for at least a year before even getting engaged. Maybe if you have a talk with your brother, and instead of lecturing him, offer gentle persuasion and SUPPORT. If you tell him you heard what's going on, and you feel bad that she's acting like this; and he can talk to you about it whenever he needs you, he won't feel so pressured.

As I went through college, I watched a lot of people get engaged like this. Most of the engagements broke off shortly thereafter. I do agree that they are too young. You change so much during your four (or more) years at college, and there are smaller, yet significant changes every year. Additionally, they cannot even afford rings, how will they afford a place to live?

My younger sister got engaged to a guy while they were in high school. She was 17 years old and sure she knew what she wanted. Needless to say, she soon learned that she was not ready and that she had plenty of time to wait. She is no longer seeing that guy.

During the period that she was with this guy, she also distanced herself from me and had a very hostile attitude towards my whole family. Eventually she came around, and we are closer than before. Your brother might be going through a similar phase, thinking he knows everything and doesn't need to talk to his sister. He will most likely grow out of this and understand how much he needs you.

I understand how much it hurts you, and really all you can do is just be there for him as you already are. You may also wish to mention to him that you notice that he is more distant than before, and ask if there is anything you can do about that. In my experience, this was not really helpful as my sister would just get angry with me. But, it might work for you.

Good luck and hang in there.