I wasn't invited to the wedding...

I wasn't even going to bother asking but there goes my curiosity because now I'm thinking about it...

My boyfriend's cousin is getting married. I think I've only met her once, and it wasn't really something like we were in the same room for a while to get accuainted or anything like that. Basically, I doubt either of us would recognize the other if we saw eachother again on the street.

It's supposedly going to be a huge wedding out of state that she's having.

Now, my boyfriend has been invited to 2 weddings in my family out of the 6 years we've been together. One of them was my cousin who, like me and my boyfriend's cousin, really wouldn't remember eachother if they saw eachother on the street. And both were small weddings.

A friend of mine has only been dating her boyfriend for TWO months, and she is invited to a wedding on her boyfriend's side of a relative she's never met in her life...

So that's really making me angry-- why am I, the girlfriend of 6 years, not invited to her boyfriend's cousin's wedding? I've at least met her once, as well.

I have talked to my boyfriend about it, and he said I'm not invited. I asked if he'd seen the invitations, and he said he has.

Is it true that usually there's the "name & guest" on invitations for weddings...? Am I the only person who's NOT been invited to a wedding on the S.O.'s side?

I just feel like HOW could I not be invited... if I'm really not invited, then I wonder why I'm never spoken about in the family to at least bring more attention on our relationship... it's 6 whole years, even if they don't talk to this cousin much, it's still 6 years. And I believe I know the mother of the cousin as well, so I'd imagine that would help, but I guess not.

link removed

This might be an interesting thread for you to read, though its not quite the same, personally I do think your boyfriend should say something to his cousin about bringing a guest. Personally as I said in thread I linked, if someone invited me to a wedding and not my partner, I would simply not go if I could not bring him along. I would be polite about it, but I just would not go ahead.

Even my mom said the other day about my boyfriend and inviting him along to something our family is doing (I was not sure what it was for so asked if he was invited..in a joking manner but she took it more seriously I guess) - "of course he's invited, he's your partner and thereforeeee is family". Personally, if someone in my family or friends does not know that, well, I'd let them know by telling them so..lol.

I mean its their wedding, they can invite whom they want to. It's your boyfriends decision on how to deal with it. You can't go along without a proper invite as that is rude too. Usually they say "Name & guest" though I have seen some that did not (but not to any weddings I have personally gone too).

Yes, that post sounded a bit like my own situation. I think that if it were friends of his, it would be different, or at least if he was close to his cousin, which I don't think he sees her often, but I'm not sure.

I understand it's their wedding, but I think I'm having a hard time understanding that it's possible that I actually wasn't invited. It's just that because he's already been invited to 2 of mine, and then the other thing which makes it difficult is a friend of mine where she's only been with her boyfriend for 2 months and doesn't even know the person getting married, yet she is invited... Makes me wonder too why his parents didn't suggest anything, or talk about me to bring me up more or anything... I just feel really really left out I suppose. It makes me feel like I'm not family, but I guess that doesn't mean that I'm not.

I'm honestly trying to think to myself that maybe with me not there, he'll be at the wedding and maybe he'll like it and want to have his own wedding. hah. I seriousely wonder if he may feel that way.

if someone invited me to a wedding and not my partner, I would simply not go if I could not bring him along.

I agree with this. After 6 years you should be a significabnt part of his life and his families life.

I have read many of your posts about this relationship and I really worry about the status your boyfriend accords to this relationship relative to the status you accord it.

I also think it's pretty ridiculous. At my own wedding we were trying to keep it small, so friends of mine who I knew were not in relationships at all were invited without a guest. Any friend in a relationship was invited with guest and any relative where I wasn't sure if they were in a relationship were invited with a guest. Also everyone in the wedding party, whether in a relationship or not, were invited with a guest.

Each wedding I've attended I was invited with a guest, except for the most recent but that was only because my bf was in the wedding party so there was no need for me to have a "and guest" on my invitation.

I will say while planning my wedding I posted on a wedding related forum fairly frequently and it seemed that in some areas of the country the rules were fairly strict. There was only a "with guest" invite to those who were engaged or (in some cases) living with their partner. If they weren't in either of those two situations they were not invited with a guest. Personally I find that ridiculous, especially when dealing with a 6 year relationship, but it could be that they are following that "rule."

In any case, there isn't much you can do about it. It's not really proper for your boyfriend to ask for you to come along, no matter how rude it seems the bride and groom are being. I'd try not to take it to personally though, I don't think it's meant as an actual slight towards you as a person, but more likely just a bad oversight on their part.

Many people are on a tight budget when it comes to a wedding and simply cannot afford to ask everybody's boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is his cousin - which means family and he is now between a rock and a hard place. If he refuses to go because you are not invited he looks as if he is letting down his family and that could cause a family feud. Weddings are notorious for those to start up.

If he asks if you can go he is putting the bride and groom in a difficult position - if they say no it is embarrassing but if they say yes they have to do the same for everyone else and their costs skyrocket. Plus it is considered a breach of etiquette to ask for other people to be included on an invitation. If they wanted to invite you they would have included you.

It is totally possible that you are just not invited because it will be a small wedding and people try to keep the list small. Usually when people invite and adult they say "and guest" but if that adult is one of several family members and is under maybe 23 then I think that might be pretty common.

I've been in the same situation may times with my bf of 4 years, but because of religious differences, mostly. (My bf is Jewish, I'm agnostic and from a family of "Christians", though non-church attending). First, make sure religious differences aren't the issue.

If not, then think about whether or not your cousin is aware of you and your bf's long-term relationship. Does she live far away and is uninformed of you and your bf's commintment together?? Maybe her mom didn't tell her about you two, or she simply didn't consult her about her family's situation re: significant others. (I barely know about my own cousins' romantic situations, and they live only 60 miles away!!)

Lastly, I agree with the posters above. Maybe she's trying to have a small wedding and trying to avoid large wedding expenses at all costs. Don't be offended, as I have never been, despite how long I've been with my bf. If the family's not particularly close, perhaps they aren't in tune with the relatives' current romantic situation.

Ask your bf about his relationship with his cousin, and you will find your answer.

Phishgirl