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Thread: She wants out of the Marriage

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    I'll answer some of the questions.
    The youngest child is 2.
    Recently refers to within the last 6 months.
    I think she is 31...I know she is under 35.

    Another thing I should mention is that he was her first and only boyfriend, dated him since she was 16 until they married. So the mid life crisis thing is something I had thought of too.

    He will be reading your responses later today. Thank you everyone for your advice and if you have any more please add.

    Thanks again.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    Okay. As soon as I read he was her first/only boyfriend and they have been together since she was 16.....it fell into place. That and her children are "older" as Minty indicated above.

    I imagine she is going through what many of us - male and female - go through in their late teens and twenties when we realize we don't really know the world, or ourselves. Not sure how long she has been having children for, but it may be the first time she can feel remotely like an individual again....I am not too sure.

    Unfortunately, it sounds like your friend is in the situation many people here come to with..."he/she does not want the commitment anymore", "he/she is not sure what they want, and want to find themself". Just in your friends situation they are married, with children. My father did a similar thing to my mother..when I was 7 years old, had a 5 year old brother and my mom was pregnant with my sister (7 months along) after several bouts with cheating on her, he decided he was not ready for marriage and commitment and a family anymore ( ). I am not saying she is like that (does not want family) just saying that people are strange, sometimes its "too late" they realize they are not wanting what they have.

    I think she is also taking what she has for granted in a sense. I don't know where it came from, but she is definitely not thinking long term, and she is not honouring the commitment SHE made to the relationship & the marriage. I really hope she goes to counselling.

    I think right now she feels the grass is greener....and really that is not surprising as she has never experienced a relationship with anyone other than your friend. It's one of the main reasons high school relationships rarely can make it long term, because the decisions you make then, the person you are then, is not the same person you are down the road...and unless you grow TOGETHER AND INDIVIDUALLY (which is hard to do at those ages) it won't work. She is resenting him for the way he was when HE was very young too, and turning the blame around..I am sorry, but that is just not very good reason.

    I am sure she is a hard worker, a great mother, but right now she should be working on her marriage...if she has no inclination to, which it sounds like she does not, your friend needs to take the steps he needs to take to protect himself. It takes two people to make a relationship work - but only one to break it up. And you can't force someone who already says their mind is made up. Maybe time will let her realize what she has lost and the issue can be readdressed then, but for now he needs to take care of himself, and they need to both work out something with the kids. It's going to be a long road, and I feel a lot of empathy for him...but if she is unwilling to work it through or take a stab at it, he needs to deal with the cards he has been given right now the best he can.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Day_Walker's Avatar
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    I suggest that he stop attempting to change her mind as far as the divorce is concerned. She needs to learn her lesson and the only way she is going to do that is to do it for herself. They actually need to serperate, and he needs to cut her off financially. I mean that it is no longer his job to support her wants. He can provide for the kids and extra money if she needs it but thats it. She actually needs to picture of what it will be like when he is no longer around and how different her life will actually be.

  4. #24
    Bronze Member HaloDestroyer's Avatar
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    I totally agree with Day_Walker.

    If she is irresponsible enough to get married early, have a family, and a partner who provides everything she wants, and then throw it all away, then why does she even deserve financial support?

    That aside, she definitely needs to see that her quality of life; and her kids' quality of life - would decline without her husband to support her.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    I want to thank everyone for being kind enough to offer my friend some advice. He is weighing his options.

    I hope things work out for the best for everyone involved.

    Mun

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