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I think my girlfriend has bipolar/manic depression disorder


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Oy, where do i start..

 

I have a girlfriend of 6 and half months now, who I believe exhibits signs of bipolar disorder as well as other emotional problems. There are many isntances of her being on top of the world for no apparent reason, and then times when she has gotten just pissed and it continues on and builds up and she becomes extremelly negative. She has "broken up" with me more times than i can count, her ex of 1.5 years who is now her friends told me it was the same with him.

 

At times she tells me she wants to marry me and she hopes and prays she will never screw up and lose me. And the bulk of the rest of the time she runs rampant putting me down and saying whatever she wants with absolutely no regard whatsoever for my feelinds. Then when i confront her, she ignores me and today told me i was boring her as i was telling her how she has hurt me. She then continues on to tell me she knows she needs help, but doesnt want it. No matter how hard i try or how subtle and tactful i am she pushes me away.

 

Tonight she asked me to shoot her, and offered me $500. She thinks shed rather die than get the help she needs. My current thoughts are to try and get her to commit to going in for a little check up on an upswing or normal period, and if that fails i have already contacted her ex and will begin disucssing tactics to notify her mother, and intervene. This is also my last resort, i am strong, and extremelly accepting. I have bent over backwards for her, i have given her all that i have, i have reached into the far reaches of my forgiveness well, to accept her back time and again. I love for her in a way she literaly doesnt understand.

 

Some background:

shes 19 years old

lives with her mom, father deceased 1 year ago

told me she was adopted (of this i am suspicious, because of things her mother has said suggest otherwise

problems within her family

-Sister: Much older sister was a striaght A student who rebeled, did drugs, drank, slept around, now married with two kids in a nice house, but now pretty much an airhead (from heavy drug usage i assume) My girlfriend has a STRONG dislike (to put it mildly) for her sister.

-Brother: dropped out of college, started a successful business and got married to a woman who is by several accounts a major *female dog* had 1 kid from a previous marriage and then 4 others with the brother, the oldest being almost my girlfriends age. The wife recently left (and has in the past, but this time its final). Girlfriends pretty much hates the wife

-Dad: i never knew him, but from what i hear he was the type to pretty much do whatever he damn well pleased. he became obese and died of it eventually. Mom often compares her to her dad.

-Mom: reserved, very short woman. the type whod take orders from the husband and let him get his way

has cut and starved herself in the past

hates he body, she is a bit overweight and thinks her breasts are too small

has had MANY boyfriends in the past, several longtime relationships of which only two she says she truly loved (me and ex-fiance, the bf of 1.5 years) I took her virginity (and she mine) however, before me all she pretty much ever had done was been fingered

Apparently she dated guys in highschool who were networked, to be popular. (now i am pretty much the only friend she makes face to face contact with) She has regrets of her past of which she told me include an ex who once fingered her infront of his friends, and letting some guy she didnt really know finger her to get back at an ex. Shes been cheated on, and i *think* cheated on someone else. (i think simultaniously? cause/effect of finding out?)

 

She is a very vengeful person, doesnt take *crap* from anyone, but cant stand to take it. She has a temper that turns on a dime and apparently is prone to addiction (has very few chances to drink, but does when she can..drank her fathers beer after he passed to help her through depression) aswell as other things as small as Starbucks. (doesnt smoke though)

 

She was a daddy's girl (although they'd often butt heads) and he pretty much gave her anything she wanted and she was the spoiled baby born almost 20 years after the other two siblings. Hit her rough when dad died and the money dissappeared. Now lives on a shoestring budget and recently took up being a work-a-holic paying off a car and trying to afford college.

 

Also like to think she is an open person who speaks her mind, but i have found few secrets in her brain which she would not even divulge to me like her avoiding religion, which she told me was "personal"... and why she doesnt want help. I did however, get her to confess that she does put down others, because she hates who she is. She thinks she is a screw up who always makes people unhappy.

 

When asked she said she prefers a life of misery, frustration, and eventually death to going in for help.

 

I pretty much know what i have to do, but i am afraid to do it. I dont want to lose her, but i was hoping for insight/support/advice. Resources would be great. I refuse to turn my back on her even though it would be so easy to find someone who is more attractive, more affectionate, and "normal" who wont put me through the crap she does. I will do whatever it takes, if that means dragging her kicking and screaming into therapy (which would break my heart and be harder than anythign i've done before) or if all else fails stick by her side as i watch her destroy herself and probably me and do what i have to do to stick by herside and help her to the bitter end. (also harder than anything i have ever had to do.. the emotional ups and downs rock my inner being like a tiny tug boat trying to pull a massive oil frigate through a hurricane)

 

Anways, im cutting it off here cause as is, its too much more most people t o want to read.

 

Any help is apprectiated! (even an encouraging word)

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It sounds like she's had it very rough, this drives people to the edge, it's hard. But as Metallica guy said, perhaps you could talk about the issue with her -tactfully!- and perhaps see a doctor.

 

Most importantly, -you- have to be there for her man. However, this does not mean put up with insults and crap. Let her know you don't appriciate it when she gets verbally abusive, do this calmly, because if she does have bi-polar disorder, that could make her upset.

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DarknHandsome,

 

Your post reminds me of my ex girlfriend completley. As for my ex girlfriends she had MANY emotional problems with bulimia, depression, anxiety, and at time I thought she even had bipolar disorder which she dismissed to me and said she did not.. but even today I still question it. One thing you need to understand, above all.. is that you can not be superman. You can not save this girl from her troubles and you can not make her life any better then what it is. The only thing that you can do is be there for her, as a person and as a friend. It seems like at this point of her life that she can't have a steady and postive relationship because of all the things that she is dealing with. The other thing that you need to understand is that she might NEVER beable to have that relationship with you that you are really seeking. Even thought your feelings are really strong there are NO gurantees in life that she will beable to give you what you really want out of a relationship and be the person you want her to be.

 

I made this mistake before. My ex g/f had MAJOR emotional problems and I took it upon myself to help her out and try to save her from her misery. And you know what?? I failed, i couldn't be that person.. but you need to understand that no one could be. She can only help herself, and you can only be there for support. IF she doesn't want help then that is her decision and you can not really do anything about it except be there for her. But understand that if she doesn't get help then she won't get any better. Overall, what I am basically saying to you is that you don't have the power to control and help her in the way you see it, she has to find that strength withiin herself to make her better and understand that she needs help on recovery. Don't make the mistake I did and put it on your pride, because your only going to be depressed for the things that you couldn't do for her.

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And to tell you of the outcome with my ex.. I gave up on her.. It wasn't something that I was proud of doing, but I hurt to much to see her how the way she was. Always controlling and never satisfied. She had problems with her life that was beyond my understanding, and only letting myself fade away from her was I able to see that I couldn't control the outcome of her situation.. she might always be that way but it is her choice to get the help she needs.

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Well I have talked to her ex and we came up with the following:

 

1) giving up is not an option

2) we have to convince her mom and get her in on it

- agree'd on a face to face confrontation

3) she must NOT know or we risk losing everything

4) its a giant **** sandwhich and we're all going to have to take a bite

 

Im going to research agencies that can help us, possibly a counselor of some sorts to help us at our intervention

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I understand that you really want to help this girl, that is a great thing to do. I did the same thing with my ex, told her to go to a clinic, pshycologist, and I even thought about telling her mom, which I probably thought she even knew. But no matter how much you do things for her.. how much information you find out, how many people you talk to, it's still all up to her to get the help she needs. Don't ignore what I'm telling you because you might be setting yourself up for failure. But then again it is worth a try by saving someone's life without them even realizing it. Just understand one thing, she doesn't see the same thing you do. She is so caught up with her own problems that your importance isn't what you think at the moment. In other words, do this for her as a person.. not as a boyfriend, because she can't see the same things you do because of the condition that she has, and she might never beable to.

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lifeiscash -

 

I hear you man, I know exactly where you are coming from, but I have to face the facts: essentially im damned if i do damned if i dont. Im just picking the higher path.

 

I have hope and prayer and many resources at my disposal to carefully plan this operation. I know some of the possible risks:

1) She catches us, and cuts off all contact

2) Her mom is not convinced that her only baby girl might be loco, turns us out, in turn results in #1

3) We convince the mom, gf comes home, runs out.. we lose her

4) She goes along with it, tests possitive, kills herself/runs away/who knows what

5) At any point in time of these stages she makes me and my aids and abbetters the target of all her fury and malice (of which there is no lack) causing severe physical/emotional/mental damage to us. Goes on in life hating us

6) The Murphy's factor: something we never even though of goes wrong, we fail, game over.

7) Did i mention she has 2 handguns and a shotgun with which she is quite proficient

8.) She works at a law firm...

 

My hope is we can hit the mom before she knows, if the mom is turned to our side that should be half the battle. Finding a 4th party.. could be extremelly beneficial.. hopefully a neutral 3rd party mediator, hopefully from a non-profit type counselor to help us out. Ideally, i go with mediator guy, pick up the ex (quite an intelligent and nice fellow), we hit the moms house while gf is at work for the day... preferably early in the morning. We come prepared: materials on various disorders, documentation of her disorderly behavior, and we make an intense presentation to the mom (i'll probably cry ) Mom is convinced. We lie in wait at home for her (i hide the car) She walks in, we spring out of hiding and surround her. We hit her from all sides with our emotional testimonies, 3rd party guy says "hey its ok blah blah blah" gives the info saying its all going to be okay. Hopefully she calms down, we drive her to get tested. She gets treated and lives a happy rest of her life.

 

will it happen that way? well theres a 97% chance it wont, BUT I see no other way. I cant turn my back on her, i just cant...

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Lifeiscash hit everything on the head. Recently, I had to do the same thing with a girl I really cared about. For God's sake, I've never had a connection like that before in my life, but I woke up two weeks ago and new I was done, finished with her. Being with her twisted me up inside and was bringing me down. She had major psychological and emotional issues. That was the first and last time I'll get involved with a woman like that. Looking back there were red flags popping up all over the place from the moment we first started hanging out. Next time, I'm out the door... quickly. I've realized I can't help those that fail to see their problems.

 

DarknHandsome, listen man you really want to be there for her. That's a given, but it sounds like she isn't there at all for you. How can she in the state she's in? She probably never will. That's a fact, I know it's hard to digest, but I'm just trying to be brutally honest. I'd love to hear some replies from people on here that have gone through or have known someone who's gone through a similar situation as us three have. The question I want to ask would be, did everything work itself out over time and life became peachy? I can answer that already, no. Or did the relationship end, the person got help, fixed their problems then came banging down your door wanting to get back together? Answer, zilch. Or did the person get help, remedied the problems and still want to be with you? Answer, nada.

 

Please don't take offense to what I've said. You don't know this, but my brother is a bi-polar, paranoid schizophrenic. He's in a mental institution. One of the hardest things in my life I've had to deal with is that I've lost my brother. He was a certifiable genius and the most gifted person I've ever met. After he gets help and gets back on his feet, he's still never going to be the person I once knew. He'll be different. If she's bi-polar or a manic depressive that's something that doesn't go away. It's with her for life. Think about for a second, for her entire life. Anyway, that's my two cents. Take it to heart and if you really want to help this girl you might have to break off the relationship so she doesn't have that added pressure, become her best friend and see what happens. When she wants help, she'll ask and she'll do everything in her power to get it. Until then, no matter what you say or do, all you're really doing is just standing by and watching. Hell, she may even turn things completely around and tell you she doesn't have a problem. It's you that has the problem. I had to come to terms with that and I cared about this woman so much I couldn't do it anymore. The pain was all too much for me to take.

 

Guess what, she kept all leaving messages on my phone and telling me she didn't want to write us off. Well, I went to pick up my things yesterday. I didn't want to talk, but she did and guess what? All the same things came up again. I saw her in a different light and was relieved that she's going to be someone else's problem and not mine. Don't get me wrong, I've been feeling down and have broken down into tears, but I'm starting to get something back that I was starting to lose, my sanity, my happiness. Take care friend and I hope she'll let you help her get through what she needs to.

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lifeiscash and astralholic said it better than I probably could, since they have both been there. I hope you do not dismiss their experiences too quickly, as I would say they are very right, and learned the hard way.

 

I advise this I feel to a lot of young men on here....you CANNOT be the knight in shining armour. The problem with being the knight? You will constantly be rescuing, until she resents you in a weird twist of fate, because she no longer has her own power anymore. Often, they go to find new knights as you give up your own power to be there for her, and never get anything in return. Often, you end up being the one who is emotionally abused and manipulated, often even verbal - but you forgive it...why? Because "she can't help it". But slowly - it will eat away your self esteem, your self-worth, your confidence...and when it does, and you are no longer the "strong one" she will be gone. And it will happen that you lose your strength - because as soon as you put too much into someone else, with nothing positive in return, you start to lose it.

 

 

Don't ignore the red flags....that short temper, those lies about her past, those are not minor things you should overlook. I am not denying she had a tough life and some sad experiences, but that does not excuse her taking them out on you, or bringing you down at the same time and putting YOU down with her. She is suicidal, destructive and NOT healthy.

 

Ultimately, she has to change things for herself - not because you convince her too, or because you promise you will always be there...she needs to recognize in herself her behaviours, her lies, her cruelty to you and perhaps to others, her low self esteem and destructive behaviours, and her mental problems. As a friend, you can be supportive she gets that help, but you cannot rescue her, and I would be VERY careful about committing to be with her no matter what - because at this point that is not a promise you can make. If this is a mental disease, it will be there forever. Meds may help at times, but it takes more than meds to heal and she needs to invest in herself to do that. You can't force her into therapy, as it won't work...I promise...she needs to make that choice herself.

 

I have seen relationships like this, with someone whom is intent on destroying themselves and everything in their life along with it. And often, they succeed in doing so. Be very careful, know when it is time to draw the line and move on, leaving behind numbers for her to get help but realizing you are not her saviour.

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woke up to a text message saying "I hate you"

 

and guys, i know. She knows she has a problem, she knows she needs help, she just doesnt want it (and claims she doesnt know why..) I think its her pride, she doesnt want people to think shes "crazy" or a "nutjob" and shes afraid to accept it. And i am ready to let her go if thats what it takes.

 

I know she may not be cured and everything will be all hunky dory, she made get treatment and she may be too different for us to be together, but i can still be her friend. Its not about "saving" her its about someone who needs help, getting it. She's unstable, she cant exist for long like this. Me and her friend agree we have to get help.

 

I know it would be easy just to let her go off and screw up someone elses life, but that would be irresponsible. Trust me, it scares me to have to do this. Last night i was literally trembling..more like shaking uncontrollably just talking about it to her friend. This morning i wake up and im scared, im so scared...Im scared to lose her, im scared to confront her mom, im scared to confront her.

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she calls me at noon and asks if i want to join her for lunch and says she loves me. we get there and she acts like nothings wrong at all, but asked about this one therapy website that i went to with her for a homework in a psyc class and if i could email it to her again...

 

 

I hate you to I love you in 5 hours...

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  • 1 year later...

The trueth is there is plenty of help for family members dealing with bi-polar wifes, husbands, but there is not really hardly any help aviable for boyfriends girlfriends dealing with bi-polar partners, Its hard, I love my bi-polar girlfriend and she loves me, just remember it will be a slow proccess and not something for people that aren't vary patient. Go ahead and tell her what she does to hurt you, because your get rewarded for it when she gets stabilized. She can hear just well in a depressed state of mind and the mama stage. I was surpised to find out I went out to dinner with my girlfriend and I told her I had a dream that we where married, and she just acted like my dream was not vary intersting at the time, Thats normal. Just because they don't respond to you. Don't mean they aren't thinking about it. You just got to let them think about it til they think its something they thought about. Well not until after dinner and since we both can't drive my aunt was teh driver, and as soon as we got in the car she wanted me to tell my aunt what I dreamed about. I was totally surpised, and thats how I approach her with stuff. For some reason the respond to dreams of stuff better than the idea of you telling them what you want. Also if you love them its important to tell them you love them no matter if they say it back or not, because if you say it enough and really mean it you will get it back, and they will mean it. Also try to keep the time of time tables out of your talk of marriage, because they will often shift the time tables on you based on their mode swings. phyical contact is alot harder with poeple with bi-polar, make shure she trusts you, and I don't mean sex. Yeah well I asked my gf when we started hanging out why she had to take medication, she said it wasn't something she could disguese with her friends only family members and related it as personal. well, after I became her boyfriend, me and her was able to talk about once she know I was serrious about her. They are often afraid that guys will run out the other direction when they find out of their condiction so will often want you to make commentment before they devulge that information.

 

just make shure you make any of your ideas like its her idea.

 

Like when I want her to go to dinner with me, I ask her if she wants to go to dinner with me, than I let her pick the restursaunt. Than its her idea..., and she is ok with it. give her plent of time, to think about it, even if she has to call you back remember never expect a response from your idea right away, but when she comes around she will ask you to go to dinner.

 

Its important that you never give up on them, or they will give up on you. Also when they are down let them know that they are really pretty and tell them you love them even if they don't respond. they will in time. Well just recently my gf hasn't called me back for 8 days now, now don't take it personally, because they are probly in a state of mind they don't like to talk on the phone, either depressed or in the mama state where their brain is racing thoughts so fast the mouth or lips can't keep up with them. So I am gonna go over there and find out myself and just be with her and offer her support, but its really nice to call and let them know your dropping by.

 

I hope that helps you all.

I am lucky my gf has help at home already her mom and dad already knew about it. I wouldn't have been able to go this far without them.

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Okay.

 

Here's the deal: It's not pride, it's terror. If you're not your mind, who are you? If you can't rely on your own interpretation of reality, what've you got?

 

Second: This is ridiculous, this armchair diagnosis. This girl sounds more Borderline than Manic Depressive to me -- and I know a buttload more about this than you do, I guarantee it.

 

She is not your responsibility. You have to stop sneaking around behind her back. Lord God, do you not understand how that could look to someone? "Hey honey, I've been talking to your ex, and your mother, and we all think you're crazy and need help."

 

I wouldn't quit running til I hit Thailand, if I were her. You guys are crazier than she is.

 

So. Be upfront with her. Push it if you have to. And do not feel like you can help her or save her, or whatever. That's actually not your role in life, and if you take it on, you will regret it.

 

I know you're trying to be a good guy; but you have to put yourself in her shoes for ten minutes, and you'll see things very differently.

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  • 10 months later...

I have worked with a girl for about a year now and about 4 months ago started dating seriously...The craziest thing is that she has been taking accutane which I'm starting to think has amplified her emotional problems. She swears she loves me and used to show me on a regular basis. Now I wake up in the morning wondering which personality she will have that day. It swings quickly and her good days are great, but her bad ones are aweful. Similar family history. Working with her is interesting to say the least. No one knows we date. I too have been there for her every minute she has needed me but I'm starting to feel helpless in this entire situation. She runs me over sometimes with insults and tells me I'm too sensitive. I broke up with her a week ago and she apologized and promised she would try harder, but here it is a week later and I'm going through it again. I love the girl to death so I don't want to just leave her but something's gotta give. By the way she's extremely defensive about everything. It's hard to get her to understand!

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  • 1 month later...

O.K. here it is and it is long and very confusing to me, and starting to think that there is an underlying med. problem, and any advice or insight from a man and or woman would be helpful at this point!

 

I met this woman a year ago this month, I saw her and watched her wherewithall for almost two weeks, watching her interact with others and her mannerisms and all that kind of stuff. I have had some pretty * * * * ty relationships in the past, so I am very picky as to who I see and the like, not to mention that I have never hit on a woman, they always have aproached me, I am not saying i am gods gift but have always been under the belief if a woman picks you then there is far less of worry of weather or not she is interested and aleaviates alot of worries and wonders. that being said this is how this has gone!

 

I aproached her one night because she is the first person in my life I ever thought at first sight that not only would we be good for each other I had an instant and total attraction to her and her demeanor, it took another week before we got together!

 

We went out and had the most amazing night of just talking and had the most awesome time together, the night ended with a kiss, a very long and passionate kiss, and not only that but the best kiss I have ever had in my life and she felt the same, it wasn't awekward,or anything of the sort, like we had been searching for that kind of kiss our whole lives, and at that moment

found it!!

 

We went out a few more times before we both ended up at my house in my room and hooked up! I have to say that it wasn't the best for either of us, and after talking about it later on in the relationship we had both descovered that we both thought twice about seeing each other again, but what let us keep going was that kiss, everytime was perfect, so we continued.

 

So now we go through x-mas and the gift thing and we start falling for each other hard and we are seeing each other as often as we can, but texting all the time and I mean if I wasn't texting her every few hours she would be texting me!

 

We both fall in love and I am very apparent when my emotions are concerened I do not hide them and will say it and show it whenever my heart is full and it just comes out, she is very reserved that way when together, but when texting she is very much and all the time telling me this and that she loves me truly madly deeply!

 

O.K. I am head over heals and this is why all this is important to what my dilema is! She has had two failed marriages as have I, mine were twenty some years apart and hers back to back. her first was very controling and mentaly abusive ( so I am led to believe) and have no other word but hers to take. the second was very disconnected and he paid very little attention to her, again ( her word is all I have)

 

I have just come out of a marriage of 2 yrs. of convienience really but have had 2 long term relationships prior, one was non-combative and or conflicting just very boring so I ended it and got involved with an alchoholic that was very sexual and in the end very cruel and abusive and found out later was cheating on me ! these are things that need to be known as to get proper feed back. I have trust issues and I have made that very clear, there are certain things that while in public I cannot deal with for they will bring back the past and create conflict, And I confront things head on and emediatly.

 

So we come into our third month and valentines day, and during this time from all our talks I am hearing all the neglect and and disconcern from her previous relat. so I bring her flowers to her work once a week or so when my job brings me past her work, and valentines day I make it a three day thing, I know it sounds a little crazy, but I wanted her to know that this time she had found all the things she said she was missing and wanted from a lover.

 

She breaks up with me telling me that it's to much , the flowers the cards and things those three days, and is calling me obssesive, I do admit it seems and could look that way, But I swear it was just showing her how deeply she had touched me and that I was hearing all she said she was missing and wanted her to have that because I truly felt she deserved that!

 

it takes a week for her to sky down from that and during that time she is saying she doesn't want a relationship, but at the same time cannot deny the fact of her love for me and that I am doing things that though they scare her, because never given before cannot deny what she feels inside and also the sexual side is more than she has ever experianced,

 

Heres where it gets weird, ever since then we decide to take it slow and we see each other like 4 days a week one week and the maybe 2 or 3 the next and so on. and then she starts picking up the pace, more texting and coming over and staying 3 or 4 days in a row then going, I fall harder as the time goes on and find great seperation anxioty when she is not around,

But since then we keep doing the same thing and almost to the day every 2 months she breaks up and we go through the same thing, she doesn't know what she wants, or what she needs, and feels quilty for not being at home for her teenage and 21 year old, ( which is a whole nother story in itself)

 

It takes generaly a week or so for me to talk her back into reality and get her to see that it is not me pushing forward and the like, though I do push when you say things like I don't knoiw what I want and give me time and I give that time , but when weeks go by and no sit down about it. I will bring it up and then once again I am pushing!

 

So this has gone on for a year and finally she says she want to connect the dots and get all sides of the family closer so we can move towards what we both want, and she has said a lifetime together. that totaly goes sideways

because she never discusses it with her kids after all the ups and downs we have already had and asks me before dealing with them and then I push the issue and we end up apart again. 6 weeks before her and I are to go to mexico together! So that month and a have we are apart and all the while she goes from wanting me one week ( though we never get together) and as soon as I suggest that , she shuts down and breaks it off! O.K. I am in love and refuse to give up, because I think we are right for each other and she just from what I can see, feels that but is afraid that the way I am ( very loving and passionate and sexual, I mean everday sexual) she just doesn't believe that will last! Though I reasure her it will never change for me in ny reguard( I have determined in my heart that I love her unconditionaly and that even if she weighed 250lbs that would not change! something I have never done for any woman!

 

So we haven't seen each other in over a month and 2 days before tha trip we were supposed to take , that she said she was going on anyway to think, she asks me to go and we would work it all out there no matter the outcome we always have fun and she wanted me to go!

 

The whole week we are there we are passionate, she can't get enough of my physicaly, we talk and she is saying all the things that I hoped would happen and she would say, she loves me , wants us and us to have a relationship and that the kids and all the other things we would and will work out when we get home!! And the day we are supposed to leave she gets up,

tells me there is something missing and that it's her not me and this is where it ends, and acts like we never said any of the things we said and like I was a total stranger all the way home and the coldness and boarderline anger in her eyes was very painful, and then just laeft me in the airport like I was never there with her, and there wasn't a look of sorrow or remorse let alone a tear

for hurting me like that!

 

I e-mailed her the next day and told how cruel and * * * * ty that was and how bad that hurt to be made to feel that way , and asked if she was ruely sure that is what she wanted, and 3 days later here we are still talking and her saying how shallow and what a * * * * ty * * * * * she feels like for doing that, and that she doesn't know what she wants again and here we go again!

 

Does this sound at all like a medical problem or did I just find on messed up cruel individual! any thoughts??

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A couple things that I foregot to mention about each break up!

Every time she has broken up with me is after I have taken her away somewhere speacial and we have spent three or four days straight together and

made love to each other five or six times a day for those days, and then she bolts, And I mean every time! What the heck is up with that!

She says she want's to be made love to every day and I truly can accommodate those wishes, repeatidly and with out fail and with full satisfaction

to her, so why , can any woman tell me why they would say they want that and when they get tat and it's is the best they have ever had, because of the passion and the satisfaction that it is never a wham bam thank you mam, and always a minimum of an hour and has gone to lengths of four, why after all that you would run away and say you don't want that and all the affection, love and devotion that is going along with it?

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  • 1 year later...

I was diagnosed with BP II and I have to say, this sounds absolutely nothing like me or anybody else I know who is BP. For most BP people, the mood swings will last for an extended period of time and hardly ever only hours or a few days. It usually also has little to do with your perception of people (ie- he is so good then he is not for me). BP has become the catch all for society these days and it is a real shame. For example, I will go a few months with sleeping very little, working out like a maniac, unusually high sex drive and make risky/unhealthy decisions. This will be followed by months of deep depression to the point of not being able to function and sleeping up to 15 hours a day.

 

I'm not one for diagnosing people over the internet but if I were you, I would look up Borderline Personality Disorder. This sounds much more similar to the symptoms she is exhibiting.

 

More important than what you call it though, is how she feels and how you respond to it. If she is to the point of despertion where she is looking for somebody to kill her, then she could wind up killing herself. Maybe I missed this, but if she is in school, get her to the counseling center. That is a good first step. Or suggest that she just give a therapist a try.

 

If it is as serious enough that you are concerned that she is in danger of killing herself NOW, then take her to the ER. If they think that she is telling the truth about her claims to be suicidal and is not just pulling people's leg for attention and is in imminent danger, they will admit her to the mental ward. They will keep her there until she is stabalized and more than likely on medication. That can be as little as 3 days. Hardly ever more than a week.

 

Another option would be to see if you can get her in an outpatient program if it is not that serious yet. That would mean that she would spend her days... like 9-5ish in a hospital with group therapy, more than likely meeting with a psychiatrist, and possibly therapy with family members, you, or individually. That could last for as little as week or possibly up to two.

 

So, here are the key defenses you need to look into depending on severity.

-therapy first (if she is stable enough for that)

-outpatient next (if she is not in imminent danger)

-inpatient last (ER if you think she very well is going to kill herself)

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  • 2 months later...

OMG, i can't believe i just found this blog. I was in bed with thoughts racing around my head about my girlfriend and our recent dramas and decided i would google it.

Everything in this blog is exactly what is going on my relationship.

We are going out the last 2 years but have broken up about 20-30 times. We are both 30. I love the girl so much and we are so close but some times she really tests my patients. I never want to admit anything to anyone and I don't really ask people for advice, guys just say all women are like that but i know well that this is not normal behaviour.

Everyone says i am a really chilled out relaxed understanding guy but this is really stressing me out. I am at the stage where i fear what's around the corner.

It's really hard, I sometimes feel really gulty as i shouldn't be arguing with her becuase she is unwell but my strenght is diminishing, it is hard to remember when she is so kind and loving and then for no reason she lays into me about crazy stuff and does things to destyroy our relationship but then she is so sorry and sad afterwards, but these events are at a snowballing effect making it more dificult for me to forgive and forget. I don't want to give up on her but I think i am loosing my mind.

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  • 6 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

I don't know if she has some sort of a mental condition or not, but that's not even relevant. This is who she is and what you will be getting from her till infinity. Is it a mental illness or not will make no difference to how she's treating you.

She doesn't want to get help. And she abuses you.

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  • 4 months later...

I know this thread is old, but figured I'd keep resurrecting it since I just went through the same thing as DarknHandsome. Met a great Red Head that smokes and is bi-polar that eventually led to breaking up because of it. Met her parents and vice versa, and a good relationship eroded away........

 

It's tough to deal with someone who has bi-polar disorder, and you do care so much for them that you do what you can do make it work and help them even. But, at some point it becomes too difficult to bear.......and you are left with feelings of sadness/hate at the same time.

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