Rub and Tug: What's your opinion on "happy endings&quot

What is your opinion on this: My boyfriend and I plan to marry in the near future and his best friend already stated that the bachelor party is going to take place at the "Swedish Institute" which is well-known for hot ladies giving massages and finishing them (the guys) off with a hand-job (aka, "Happy Ending").

Ladies what is your opinion on letting another chick rub all over your man and pleasure him in that sort of way? Would you allow it?

Guys What is your side of this? Should we (the gals) just see this as getting a relief treatment or is this going to far, even for any time of relationship?

Nobody could ever convince me to be "okay" with this. The only place my man should be getting release is from ME or by himself!

How would a man feel about his girlfriend going to an establishment with hunky men who rub, touch, and get her off?

In my eyes, that is cheating.

However, if you were ok with it (which I would not expect you to be in any way)..but if you were, then i guess it wouldnt be much of an issue.

Thank you! And his best friend (who I'm totally cool with) says I shouldn't have anything to worry about but that's something that ONLY his significant other should be helping out with. The massage I could be ok with but when a place is known for the happy ending part, that's where I kinda want to draw the line and say no. Then at the same time, I'm afraid that my boyfriend will say that it's his bachelor party and should be able to do whatever he pleases but I would hope in respect of me, he'd decline. Nothing's final yet... but they have mentioned it numerous times.

What is your opinion on this: My boyfriend and I plan to marry in the near future and his best friend already stated that the bachelor party is going to take place at the "Swedish Institute" which is well-known for hot ladies giving massages and finishing them (the guys) off with a hand-job (aka, "Happy Ending").

 

Ladies what is your opinion on letting another chick rub all over your man and pleasure him in that sort of way? Would you allow it?

 

Guys What is your side of this? Should we (the gals) just see this as getting a relief treatment or is this going to far, even for any time of relationship?

My opinion is I don't care what the guys see it as - because to me its cheating, disrespectful to me and the relationship. The ONLY one getting my partner off or touching my partner in such an intimate way is ME or himself!

I honestly can say I KNOW my boyfriend would agree with this and NOT be okay with letting another girl rub him all over - it is going WAY too far when you are in a committed relationship! If he needs relief...like I said, I am here, or he can take matters into his OWN hands!

Honestly, if a guy I was with saw that as "okay" he would soon find himself free to get all the rub-downs he wanted, as I would be LONG gone.

Yeah, no joke. I don't understand why some guys tell me that it is not considered cheating unless the guy getting the rubdown was thinking of another person while the rub'n'tug was going on. But I agree with you guys... anyone else touching that personal area would not be me so why should I sit back and think it's ok? Some have even told me that it would be like me not allowing him to go to a strip club but as long as the idea was kept as "look but don't touch".. I would be fine with it.

Thanks for all your responses. At least I know that some people have the same mindframe as me.

I believe that most relationships wouldnt tolerate that kind of behavior. I think its up to the people involved. I cant say that stuff like this always happens at bachelor parties but it does happen and most of the time it seems that no one ever finds out about it.

Yeah, that's probably what worries me the most -- the things left unmentioned.

I don't like it, it's cheating. Make it clear to him you don't like it, and ask him to respect you enough to accept your opinion and not disregard it.

Would it be okay for a guy to finger you at your bachelorette party?

This is absolutely cheating, no matter the extenuating circumstances. I would never, ever be okay with my husband doing this and would leave him in a New York minute. If I found out that he even did this before our wedding, I'd be out of here. No freakin' way.

I would NEVER marry anyone who would agree to actually have the nerve to let another woman touch his penis! Some people are okay with it, that's why we have some couples who are totally cool with swinging, but in my eyes, if my partner did this, I would call the wedding off. First of all, if my partner knows that it bothers me and he still goes with his buddies and allows a woman to rub on his penis, I would dump him in a heartbeat. Shows how much respect he has towards our relationship. And, it also shows how serious he is about me as his partner.

Actions speak louder than words. If his actions show lust, and he easily buys into it, I wouldn't marry a person like that. To me, it just segways into other things that he could possibly do to destroy our relationship in the future. That's just how I see it.

Relationships are about trust. It takes two people to build onto trust. It is a partnership. If one partner shows selfishness, obviousy, that person is only in the relationship for his/her own benefit. This person is an opportunist, someone who I woud not spend the rest of my life with. There are several more important things to do before a wedding (i.e. spending quality time with family and guests that fly in) rather than going to some std infested reservoir of a strip joint, only to have a cheap trick rub her nasty fingers on me! Btw, gential herpes is probably really common in those places. It is transferable just from skin to skin contact.

And yes BillyJean is right - many STI's are transferred skin to skin - condom used or not.

Yeah, no kidding! I mean, I don't even really want to do anything for a bachelorette party. I just want to be married to the guy I love and live out my life with him. I don't even know why we have to have that one last celebration before something awesome is about to begin, you know? But tradition is tradition I suppose.

Yeah, no kidding! I mean, I don't even really want to do anything for a bachelorette party. I just want to be married to the guy I love and live out my life with him. I don't even know why we have to have that one last celebration before something awesome is about to begin, you know? But tradition is tradition I suppose.

Don't put it down to "tradition is tradition"...that's B.S. in my opinion! It's only "tradition" in some cultures...

And different people have different ideas of what is okay.

One of my friends who recently got married (couple weeks ago in fact) went camping for the weekend for his bachelor party - NO girls, NO strippers, NO rub & tugs! His gf was very appreciative as she did not want him seeing strippers or getting any "favours".

Another couple I met this weekend, well on his bachelor party, there were strippers...wrestling in the middle of the room, and in his face...his wife knew/knows about it and was completely fine with it. Everything was "above belt" though.

Another couple I know of is having a "Jack & Jill" party where friends from both sides are invited.

I think that for these "parties" it should be discussed with the couple what the desires, limits/boundaries, interests, ideas are..and not be left up to the friends entirely - whom don't always have the best interests of the relationship in their minds

Well, from the looks of it, it definitely sounds like the guys will have absolutely no girls at the party (except those invited.. strippers...) but this will have to be discussed more in details with limits for sure. I don't want to start a life with someone who is untrustworthy just because of peer pressure.

Thanks for all your comments and inputs! It's greatly appreciated!

Just for the record, a "happy ending" or "full release" massage is hardly what you would call "intimate". You're on a massage table, the woman has been massaging and whacking guys off all day long... do you really think there's any real intimacy going on?

Real intimacy requires a real connection between two people, feelings and emotions.

Just a note not to corrupt the word intimate/intimacy.

Just for the record, a "happy ending" or "full release" massage is hardly what you would call "intimate". You're on a massage table, the woman has been massaging and whacking guys off all day long... do you really think there's any real intimacy going on?

 

Real intimacy requires a real connection between two people, feelings and emotions.

 

Just a note not to corrupt the word intimate/intimacy.

I have to disagree. When a woman puts her hands on a man's penis and rubs and massages it for sexual pleasure until he ejaculates it's cheating. Whether she is a professional prostitute (and that's what they are) or someone he's seeing on the side, it is still out and out cheating. Regardless of the emotional content, the very nature of the act makes it intimate, as you are making yourself vulnerable to another person, and it is unacceptable and definitely cheating.

How would you like it if your gf took off her panties and a strange man rubbed her clitoris and genitals until she had an orgasm? Would that be acceptable to you if he did that to other women before her?

Here's what I don't get... gotta wonder obout the logic.

"Hey, I know! Why don't I celebrate the night before I'm about to get married to the woman of my dreams and commit myself fully before the world. The woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with... by letting another woman, get me off"

Nope don't get it and I would be concerned about someone using the bachelor party as an opportunity to cheat on me. Why have such a party? Do you think that after he's been massaged, etc. he's going to want to stop there. Why would he put himself in such a position?

You've got to do what you ultimately feel comfortable with - good luck.

Just for the record, a "happy ending" or "full release" massage is hardly what you would call "intimate". You're on a massage table, the woman has been massaging and whacking guys off all day long... do you really think there's any real intimacy going on?

 

Real intimacy requires a real connection between two people, feelings and emotions.

 

Just a note not to corrupt the word intimate/intimacy.

Oh, well, if it's not INTIMATE, that makes me feel better!

While you may not believe it is intimate, I think many women who have partners who are willing to go to one of these places would disagree. For many, sexual acts ARE intimate and meant to be shared from one partner to another.

I do know where you are going with "real intimacy", however for many part of the definition of intimate also includes that trust and monogamous sexual relationship.

No, there may not be feelings between the women and the guy getting "jacked off" on the table, however, I am sure the guy and his girlfriend/fiance DO have those feelings so the same act between them would be seen as more intimate. Getting this other women to jack him off would be a betrayal of that intimacy in my opinion, as well as well, cheating. And putting both their health at risk.

Here's what I don't get... gotta wonder obout the logic.

 

"Hey, I know! Why don't I celebrate the night before I'm about to get married to the woman of my dreams and commit myself fully before the world. The woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with... by letting another woman, get me off"

I agree with you Puddin on this one. It makes no connection in my "logic" either...and if I was with someone who DID seem to see the logic, I would quickly realize that if our logics don't match, well neither do we!

If your partner is not prepared to feel absolutely committed to you, or feels somehow that it is okay to be sexual with others (bachelor party or NOT) to me that just signals that you may encounter more issues in the future, and that you are not getting the respect and love you should be. Honestly, can you imagine letting another guy get you off the night before your wedding? If not, is it not odd that somehow he feels it IS okay?

If you are the woman of his dreams, he would not even be considering this.

Here's what I don't get... gotta wonder obout the logic.

 

"Hey, I know! Why don't I celebrate the night before I'm about to get married to the woman of my dreams and commit myself fully before the world. The woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with... by letting another woman, get me off"

 

 

 

I agree with you Puddin on this one. It makes no connection in my "logic" either...and if I was with someone who DID seem to see the logic, I would quickly realize that if our logics don't match, well neither do we!

 

If your partner is not prepared to feel absolutely committed to you, or feels somehow that it is okay to be sexual with others (bachelor party or NOT) to me that just signals that you may encounter more issues in the future, and that you are not getting the respect and love you should be. Honestly, can you imagine letting another guy get you off the night before your wedding? If not, is it not odd that somehow he feels it IS okay?

 

If you are the woman of his dreams, he would not even be considering this.

Bingo!

lol i never herd the term happy endings for hand jobs, i wouldn't see a problem with them, but i'm not exactly old enough to get married so i duno how i would feel about it then