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Thread: Why do they bother?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    I dont know what she wants, and thats being 100% honest. The only thing I know for certain is that she doesnt want to be together with me anymore. She seems to think that we could try again later. She loves me but isnt in love with me. The whole thing got to difficult for her she says, it went too wrong. I agree with her but I know that none of our problems werent fixable. We needed to spend more time together as a couple. Thats all it was. But she is not interested. I offered her time alone and all the usual.

    Now I'm just refusing to hug her, kiss her and whatever else. Theres just a line and now I have to think about me and how I will move forward. I cant move on with all the hugs and kissing and all that. It has to stop. Now shes pretty werid since all this started. Crying and so on. I'm not trying to punish her or be mean for the sake of it. But I need to do this. I cant have my head in that mess anymore. What should we do? keep going like some half couple until one day she meets someone else and then says we have to stop all that? Not going to happen for me.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Why does she want to kiss and hug you if she is no longer in love with you? Is she playing, confused or just getting a fix?

    Do you think she would be willing to give it another try and her saying "we could try again later" is a defensive response? What if you said to her " what can we do to rescue this relationship" when she is coming to you for hugging and kissing. Would you be willing to say that and work at it if she has some ideas.
    Sorry, I'm just confused about her behavior too...wondering what else is going on here.

    Or is this totally over for you ?
    If it is then I agree with you about the hugging and such. No use giving into that when you are not getting what you want ( the relationship) and it's keeping you from moving on. She has to live with her decision to break up with you....that's the only way she will know if she did the right thing or made a huge mistake.

  3. #13

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    From the previous thread that you posted about her it seems to me that she is the one who is treating you extremely badly. It seems to me she wants the security of a marriage without any of the responsibility. Very selfish and self-absorbed.

    To go out drinking with her friends three times a week and constantly call you while she is doing that; to want hugs and kisses but no marriage, to say she wants her space but no divorce, is showing zero concern for your feelings and needs.

    I would not stay with this woman a moment longer than necessary. Even if you were to get back together once she has 'found herself' the wounds she has inflicted by such behaviour are unlikely to heal in a way to make the reconciliation viable.

    As I said before, figure out how to co-parent your child (although she seems to have little concern for his well-being either right now), file for divorce and find someone who both loves and respects you. She does not.

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