Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Boyfriend is not ready for marriage, after 5 years

  1. #1
    nicoleelaine
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1

    Boyfriend is not ready for marriage, after 5 years

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years now. He says he knows he wants to marry me, but he doesn't have that "feeling". It's like he is looking for a feeling or sign. What do I do? I am absolutely ready for marriage and I knew it from the beginning. He pursued me in the beginning, I was someone he thought he could never be with, but now that he has me, do you think there might be problems due to that? We don't live together and he is very stable in his career and so am I. He is 26 and I am 23. I have been in one other serious relationship in high school and he has never been in a serious relationship. Lately we have had sexual problems, I am not as interested as he is- but I don't think that that is what is holding him back. I will ask him.

  2. #2
    lady00
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Age
    32
    Posts
    9,491
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    9
    Don't do anything. If you trust this guy, then believe him. He's not ready. If you're going to be together forever, then it really doesn't matter when you get married. Both people need to want it 100% and be 100% ready for it if a marriage is going to work out.

  3. #3
    Mun
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    48
    Posts
    4,093
    Gender
    Female
    Hi there and welcome to Enotalone !

    I'm wondering, do you two live together?

    The last thing you want to do is hound him about it. Let him make up his mind in his own time, but you might want to set a deadline for yourself if you are tired of waiting.

    Five years is alot, you've been together since you were teens has either of you ( as adults) dated other people ?

    Could he be waiting for a more stable time in his career maybe?

  4. #4
    lady00
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Age
    32
    Posts
    9,491
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    9
    I can say that if he's around your age I would understand him not wanting to get married yet. A lot of people that age don't feel ready to enter a marriage yet.

  5. #5
    Beec
    Platinum Member Beec's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    7,404
    It is not easy to say what could be going on in his head. It is easier to think about ways in which you might either motivate him to marry or risk losing him altogether. The question is what do you want. And the other part of the question is are you willing to manipulate his feelings to get what you want.

  6. #6
    DragonGirl724
    Gold Member DragonGirl724's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    USA
    Age
    33
    Posts
    2,261
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    id be a little uncertain about starting a married life in early 20s...in the meantime check out this link:

    link removed

    there will be professional advice here, if that helps any...but i think dude just needs time. id be him if i was in the same situation so i can relate to how he feels.

    -DG724

  7. #7
    Hope75
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    kitteh ville
    Age
    40
    Posts
    12,761
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with DragonGirl.

    There is an expert coming on tomorrow to discuss this very topic, maybe she can give you some insight to your question.

    link removed

    check this out and maybe copy and paste your question on here, see what she says.

    Best of luck!

  8. #8
    AshleyJ
    Member AshleyJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    INDIANAPOLIS
    Posts
    10
    Gender
    Female
    well i am a little in the same boat me and my boyfriend been together for 6 yrs we have two children.we been together since highschool we been living together since 8 months after getting together. he always said we are going to get married but ask wen he always say he dont know well he says we dont have enough money. we have been through a whole lot from the cheating once at the beginning and struggling to maintain our apartment and raising or children. recently he been through side things to me about the wedding and being married like two weeks ago he asked me do i want to be wit him for ever but later told me it wasnt a proposal then last night he asked me when can we get married i tried not sound so excited so i said wenever u can give a date i will plan it...well in seconds i asked the same question and he said idk so i feel like y he keep asking me things if he feels he still not ready. like i said we are great still good sex convo and friendship both our families love us and accept our relationship i just dont know wat to expected plz help me



    i read in a blog if he hasnt married me yet or set a date he dont want to marry me is that true?

  9. #9
    Fudgie
    Forum Supporter
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    14,400
    Thanked
    1599
    Perhaps he doesn't want to get married yet because of the sexual problems and you guys aren't living together yet. I can't blame him - I wouldn't want to get married until "big" problems were solved or about to be resolved and I knew what it was like to live with my partner.

    Perhaps instead of asking for marriage, you could perhaps work with him to take steps toward resolving your sexual problems, and maybe living together for a bit for a couple years?

  10. #10
    tigerlily73
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    25
    I'm late 30s and it's only now that I'm ready to get married. I was married at 23 but ended it as couldn't cope with being trapped in marriage. I realise it wasn't marriage I have a problem with, I was simply not with the right guy and I was too young; I hadn't found myself. Now I am with the right guy and I can't wait to get engaged to him. You both have loads of time to get married, but I understand you want your man to commit to you and take the next step. It's frustrating when you're ready.

    Do you do things with friends or for yourself? Maybe start going out more with girlfriends, make him miss you. I know, it's game playing - I'm not into that either, but I think sometimes guys need a little reminder that you can survive without them!

  11.  

Top Threads
35 y female confused and lost
I do have a current concern and don't know what to do. I have been living with my current bf for about a year now. We are head over heels in love
was recently dumped because he can't commit
So, i was dating a guy for just under a year before he dumped me because "he couldn't commit". We lived further away from each other but the plan
Dating or Dated Commitment Phobia men? Please post here!
Hi Everyone I would like to start the thread we can post our relationship experience with "Commitment Phobia men". I just finished reading the book
Featured Threads
I would kill just to talk to her again:(
I know, it's pathetic. But it's been 6-7 weeks, post breakup, and I text her only once during that time, which was a short and uplifting text, but to
One year after my wife left, am I ready to move on?
My three year marriage came to an end about a year ago. During the three years, we were very happy, mainly because I was extremely giving. She came
Girlfriend Problems
My friend and I have had a "thing" for about a year now and we're technically dating. We both love each other and we've grown very comfortable around
Too much confusion...
About month ago I felt perfect , everything was going just fine, I mostly stopped thinking about my ex,and then bam - she contacted me. She contacted
Did I do the right thing? Dating a guy with kids whos living with his baby mama
Okay so basically I struck up a friendship with someone online who told me he had three kids and he was still living with his baby mama. The big red
How to make things up with my family?
Hi all, About a couple of weeks ago, I had an argument with my parents that escalated into something way bigger than it should have been, and
She isn't happy with me anymore.
Hi, I just found out about this site and I decided to ask you guys for help. I've been dating a girl for 4 months. She has anxiety and sometimes gets
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •